Knights of Evallon (WIP) [Updated 27 Jan 2024, 59k words]


So, the new demo is up.

Details

In an age where stars dimmed and hope waned, a legend was born from the pages of history. Eight hundred years ago, as humanity teetered on the brink of despair, Victor Loredan I, hailed as the Astral Savior, emerged. With the valiant Knights of Evallon at his side, he united a fractured world under the banner of the newly-founded Kingdom of Evallon. His ascension to the Mountain of the Gods, where he harnessed the elusive power of the Crystal of Eternity, is a tale of sacrifice and salvation, one that reignited the dying stars. But this story of triumph is shadowed by a betrayal most profound - the treachery of the Dark One, a figure whose actions forever tainted the skies with crimson.

So says the Holy Scripture of the Church of the Stars and the history books of the Empire of Evallon.

Fast forward to the present day - the once-noble Empire of Evallon has devolved into a relentless conquering force. Gralea, a steadfast nation clinging to its independence, stands as one of the final resistors against Evallon’s overwhelming might. Amidst this backdrop of encroaching tyranny, you are an elite operative of SIN, a covert group of assassins committed to preserving Gralea’s sovereignty and the ideals of its Socialist Republic. Driven by a deep-seated vendetta against Evallon, you leap at the chance to infiltrate the empire and dismantle it from within.

But as you delve into the heart of enemy territory, the black-and-white narratives begin to blur. The imperialist dystopia painted by your homeland contrasts starkly with the complexities you witness within Evallon’s borders. Similarly, Gralea, once thought to be a bastion of righteousness, reveals cracks in its utopian façade. Your journey becomes one of unraveling truths and challenging long-held beliefs.

Amidst this intricate web of political intrigue and moral ambiguity, an ominous sign reemerges - the stars are dimming once again, echoing an ancient prophecy and heralding the stirrings of dark, forgotten forces. As history seems poised to repeat its darkest chapter, the line between myth and reality blurs.

What the history books say and what truth lies beneath remain questions that only your journey can answer. In a tale shrouded in mystery, where allegiances are uncertain and the past is a puzzle, your choices stand to either illuminate the world or plunge it into darkness. Will you uncover the truth behind the Astral Savior, the Dark One, and the dying stars, or will history’s shadows obscure the path to enlightenment? The fate of Terra, once more, hangs in the balance.

Changes

The following features have been removed as I don’t enjoy writing them.
Polyamory, blackmailing and threatening a child.

Since I revealed how the story ended, I had to make some changes to the plot and the backstory. It took me the better part of an year to come with something else that fit with the setting, so I think it’s better than what I had before. However, I’m obviously biased so I will leave that judgement to you.

One recurring complaint from the last version was that the Dark Lord, i.e. MC’s past incarnation, died too easily. So, I have made the whole prologue about the past incarnation of the MC. Plus, I think getting to know Victor Loredan, the founder king of Evallon, will give a certain gravitas to the MC’s interaction with his descendant Princess Amelia.

That’s all for now…I think. If I remember anything else, I’ll make the edits.

By the way, the girl who “caused all the hoopla”, I’m married to her now. Have been for two months.

Romances

Character Profile: Princess Amelia Maria Loredan

Gender: Female
Hair Color: Platinum
Eye Color: Violet
Complexion: Fair

Description:
Princess Amelia Maria Loredan, the silver-haired, violet-eyed beauty of Evallon, seems as though she has stepped right out of an ancient painting. With a demure, gentle demeanor, and an enchanting charm, she is affectionately known as Evallon’s sweetheart. Her extensive charitable work extends beyond the borders of her kingdom, earning her admiration and love from both her subjects and foreigners.

Background:
Tragedy struck Amelia early in life when an accident claimed the life of her beloved brother. The same misfortune that took him from her also dimmed the light in her eyes. However, this personal setback never dampened her spirit or her resolve to make a difference in the world.

Character Profile: Count Leone Silas Sinclair / Knight of Leo

Gender: Male
Hair Color: Golden
Eye Color: Blue
Complexion: Fair

Description:
Count Leone Sinclair is the quintessential golden boy. Towering in stature, with striking golden hair and piercing blue eyes, he is the embodiment of the mythical heroes of yore. His presence is commanding, and his chivalrous demeanor captivates those around him.

Background:
Leone’s life has been one of privilege and high expectation. Born into nobility and groomed for greatness, he has always been in the spotlight, his every move watched and weighed by those who see him as the future of their hopes and ambitions.

Character Profile: Inspector Flavia/Flavius Belmont

Gender: Selectable
Hair Color: Brown
Eye Color: Amber
Complexion: Umber

Description:
Inspector Belmont is a figure of authority and determination. Their umber complexion and dark hair form a striking contrast with their captivating amber eyes.

Background:
Inspector Belmont is a renowned member of the Peacekeepers of Evallon, an elite organization that represents a collaborative effort of police forces from around the Empire. They are recognized for their exceptional skills and unwavering commitment to the law.

Character Profile: Yuna/Yuri

Gender: Selectable
Hair Color: Crimson
Eye Color: Emerald Green
Complexion: Fair

Description:
Yuna/Yuri is a figure of formidable presence. Tall, with a commanding posture and an aura of undeniable power, they captivate and intimidate in equal measure. Their emerald green eyes are intense and unyielding, locking onto you with a gaze that is as sharp as it is indomitable. The strands of their flaming crimson hair add to their fierce demeanor, fluttering like fiery wings in the heat of battle.

Background:
Once your childhood friend, Yuna makes an unexpected return into your life.

Looking for feedback on

-Bugs
-Plot holes
-Grammar
-Inconsistencies

Word count (without codes): 59000
Published:
Prologue: Two Lives
Chapter 1: Blood and Iron

Links:
Demo
Tumblr

993 Likes

@Astralise.Ink love what you got here, brother. Can’t wait to see where this goes. Keep up the good work.

17 Likes

Thanks! I was really nervous about posting this, still am in way.

21 Likes

@Astralise.Ink There’s no need to be nervous. It’s really good in my opinion. And there will be others that like it too. What’s important is that you like what you write and everything else will work itself out. Try to keep strong, brother :blush:

10 Likes

Thanks! I appreciate it.

8 Likes

That was pretty freaking epic to read man. Great work on it. I probably took the shorter route cause I just killed everyone involved but it was still a good read

12 Likes

This was really good read and fun too, love what has been put up so far. Looking forward too seeing more of it, good luck

3 Likes

Thanks! It’s the first time someone has called my writing epic. XD

6 Likes

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. I really appreciate it.

9 Likes

Oh this is already lots of fun to read! I enjoyed being a smug tease to the inspector lol, one thing is that there are just a few errors with the pronouns, I got these when the inspector was supposed to be male. Can’t wait to read more and definitely impressed with the writing!

1 Like

Very interesting, curious to see where you’ll take the story. Terra is a great setting, love the mixture between tech and magic. Break a leg! and have fun writing. Can’t wait to read more. :muscle: :blush:

2 Likes

Thanks! That’s really helpful. I must have missed it. Will fix it ASAP.

4 Likes

Thank you. I am editing Chapter One as I type.

6 Likes

This is really good I can’t wait to see what happens next

1 Like

Interested in what you got here so far!

1 Like

…Well that’s certainly not the route I expected to be the shortest, lol.

BTW, it’s completely impossible to tell you aren’t a native English speaker, so I’m not sure why you felt the need to say so.

5 Likes

This does look really interesting, I’ll be definitely be keeping an eye out for it

1 Like

I do want to bring your attention to an error I found. I hoped you can get this fixed because I really want to tease the detective

2 Likes

What I like about this event specifically is the storyline and flow. I really appreciate the work that’s been done and I look forward to hearing more.

@Caspiera Thanks!

@Kxng Thank you!

@geldar Thanks! English is in fact my third language. I wanted to clarify it in case I missed any colloquialisms.

@Drakona Thanks for the report. Are you getting it on the first choice?

@Midnight Thanks!

2 Likes