A Mortal Hero: Patron of the Gods (Demo updated 10/10)

At least some kind of romance would would be good. Though it would make sense to not be able to romance gods or it should be very hard.

3 Likes

can,t wait see more hope keep on going

1 Like

It seems interesting can’t wait for more

2 Likes

Please write more! This sounds like a story I could get behind :smiley::smiley::+1::+1:

3 Likes

I love this already! Agh, I relate so much to the older sibling thing.
It would have been nice to have an option to simply stand in front of Caleb protectively or clutch Caleb’s wrist.

I didn’t understand what you meant at first, but now I think I kind of get it. Interesting :face_with_monocle:

9 Likes

With the new demo being posted and the patrons available to be seen I thought now would be a good time to address which Gods or Goddesses would be available for romance in the first book since quite a few people have expressed interest!

I’ve considered what it would take to romance a God or Goddess and came to the conclusion that, in order for a romance like that to work, your MC would only be able to romance their patron. Even then some of the romances with certain Gods and Goddesses would be much slower than others, like a romance with Horus or Amaterasu, while others would be very quick to pick up, such as the romance with Mercury. With that said, as long as you aren’t adverse to waiting a bit for things to heat up a romance with a God or Goddess should be possible!

So as of right now, on top of the seven romances already planned for the first book, I’ll also be working in ways for people to start sowing the seeds of romance with their patron!

22 Likes

I could imagine someone asking a stupid question, and you respond by saying Gravity Kat not amused.
(Gravity rush 2 was close to beating owlboy for my favorite game of all time)

2 Likes

Your brother grins, grabbing your wrist and dragging your further into the antique store.

you

Also would you mind giving little descriptions of the gods in stats page :sweat_smile:
I don’t think I recognize anyone except Raphael and Mercury

3 Likes

Ah Op you definitely have something quite remarkable here. I am enjoying your characterization of our dear brother much more than I had initially thought. I find most stories tend to make them overbearing to say the least.

As for the gods. Well now I’m curious, will their personalities be adaptive from any sort of material (Good lord is there a plethora of them!) or rather, are they completely original? What with such a cultural divide between them all I am excited at the prospect of trying them all. So great job op.

Edit: (Also, any little details on romance options? No? :cry:)

2 Likes

The flashback about your brother really helped flesh out your relationship with both him and your parents. Is it strictly necessary to be disgusted at the shop and shopkeep? Because they seem pretty cool.

The gods and goddesses seem very interesting. Maybe you could elaborate somewhat on who they are and where they come from (the mythology/culture) since a few are rather obscure.

Wording and Grammar Stuff

There’s a word missing between “bare” and “you.”

This is a comma splice. The comma should be a period and the others capitalized accordingly.


Missing an apostrophe.

Although not highlighted, “white knuckled” should have a hyphen in between the words.

This shouldn’t be capitalized.

I’m confused. Does Caleb pick the flavor for you? Do you pick the flavor?

There’s a hyphen missing.

I think there should be a comma before the name.

These need hyphens.

Needs an apostrophe.

I think there’s something wrong with the punctuation, but I’m not sure. This just reads strangely.

This also reads strangely.

4 Likes

This is really good and I already deeply care about the little brother. I hope you continue to work on it. :smile:

3 Likes

Looks intriguing. I’ll be interested to see where this goes. I like the dynamic with the younger brother, in particular.

How old is Desmond supposed to look? You say he’s mid- to late-thirties, but he is also described as having a full head of gray or white hair, which is very unusual for someone that young. If both are meant to be true, it might be worth noting the odd mismatch of hair color with the appearance of the face.

4 Likes

Super big thanks to everyone for giving such great feedback on the new update! I’m glad Caleb is as popular with all of you as he is with me :smile:

Consider it added for the next update!

Yes and no; I’m drawing inspiration from myths and legends but ultimately their personalities are going to be tailored for the story and the role they play in it!

Your wish is my command :grin:

Alexander Carras
Age 19, Son of Zeus, and one of your Divine Council assigned Guardians.
Alexander has platinum blond hair and slate gray eyes. He’s also the youngest RO, something that he gets incredibly defensive about (his age that is).

Hui Yin Zhao
Age 20, Daughter of Yan Wang (Chinese God of Death and King in the Afterlife), and your second Divine Council assigned Guardian.
Hui Yin has black hair highlighted with purple and deep brown eyes. She’s the most straightforward RO and will initiate the start of the romance the earliest if given the chance.

Kazuhiko Sato
Age 22, Son of Tsukuyomi (Japanese God of the Moon), and he’s your appointed liaison for divination between the mortal realm and the Divine Councils.
Kazu has bleached hair with dark eyes that carry flecks of silver. He’s the most peaceful(?) RO; as in, his romance is the most drama free in the sense that he doesn’t have an issue with his family or the role he plays for the Gods.

Aquila Boveri
Age 23, Daughter of Janus (Roman God of Doorways), and your appointed Ambassador for interaction with supernaturals in the mortal realm.
Aquila has dark curly hair, dark skin, and blue eyes. She’s the most responsible RO and is a highly dependable person. (AKA she’s the mom friend of the group :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:)

Taylor O’Connor
Age 20, Heaven’s Chosen Prophet, and assigned to you for lessons regarding the supernatural and Godly realms.
Taylor has light brown hair and hazel eyes. They’re nonbinary and probably the sweetest RO; they’re intensely loyal to the MC and generally will have a small crush on the MC no matter what.

Rania Moussa
Age 21, Daughter of Thoth (Egyptian God of Knowledge and Magic), your assigned magical arts specialist.
Rania has olive skin, deep brown hair, and honey colored eyes. She’s the most dazzling RO; she’s just a naturally impressive person and her romance is essentially the MC constantly finding out something new about her.

And finally…
Desmond Calloway
There isn’t a lot I can say without spoiling the story but: Desmond is far from what he seems to be and he plays a major role in the story. He’s the most unpredictable RO.

Hope this helps sate the desire for the ROs until they appear in the next update!

Glad you liked the flashback and that it did its intended purpose! For the very beginning of the story it is necessary for the MC to be disturbed by both Desmond and the antique shop but during your second interaction with Desmond you’ll be able to customize the MC’s opinions of him and his shop. (You’ll also find out why the MC was experiencing such a heavy sense of distrust/disgust.)

Also mega thanks for all the grammar stuff! That’s all fixed for the next update!

Like I mentioned above there’s a lot about Desmond that isn’t up on the surface but, as you interact more with him, things like his hair color and his age will addressed. But I’ll definitely add a couple lines in the prologue about how unusual it is!

Thanks again!

33 Likes

DingDingDing my horrible instincts tell me that means he’s a Villain! :japanese_ogre:

4 Likes

I can neither confirm nor deny that but I can say he doesn’t get along well with the Divine Councils :sweat_smile:

3 Likes

Sure…he just doesn’t get along… He’s absolutely harmless little cinnamon…

images%20(1)

8 Likes

Desmond…is definitely a cinnamon roll…he’s a sinnamon roll…

image

17 Likes

I just gave this a read and I enjoyed what you got so far. And I don’t know why but I feel very protective of Caleb now lol I liked the interactions with him.

4 Likes

Ok so I think whenever you choose the colour of the necklace it should have a better description for the powers or skills you’ll get. Also when you meet your patron god it felt a bit too casual.

4 Likes

Awww all the gods are awesome! Hemera in particular makes me want to comfort and love her. She seems so sad :cry::cry:

9 Likes