Sorry this was a coding error >w< all fixed now~~
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The game so far is pretty interesting! All the details that goes into is rather nice to read and I’d love to see where the story goes from here. Also, as a side question, since they don’t age physically like a human, does Haruka/Haruki look more like a little kid or more around the MC’s current age?
As for errors, I went through a few times to pick up all I had been able to notice or felt off about, so I hope you don’t mind the long list. For reference, I played as a female with the custom name Umiko. Most of the Haruka/Haruki stuff will be referring to Haruki because I picked up most of these when I went back. I also tried to place them in the order of when they show up, sorry if any of them are out of order.
'“H-hey. We shouldn’t be–” The voice of the younger Samurai was cut off. ‘“You need to know your place.” He was roughly pushed aside.’ This should be broken into a new paragraph to indicate someone else is talking.
“The wooden door slide opened, the cutest little raccoon peaked it’s head into my room.” that should probably just be ‘The wooden door slide open,’. It could also be written ‘The wooden door slid open,’. Also, ‘… open, and the cutest little raccoon peaked it’s head into my room.’ could probably help the sentence run smoother.
‘I tuned out Umiko’s voice, I didn’t need to listen to her blabbering on and on our my choices.’ and ‘I tuned out Umiko’s voice, I didn’t need to listen to his blabbering on and on our my choices.’ These should be Haruka and Haruki respectfully, not Umiko.
And for the second half, it should probably be ‘…blabbering on and on about my choices.’
‘If it wasn’t for him, I might had gotten crazy in this place.’ should be ‘If it wasn’t for him, I might have gone crazy in this place’
‘no disciples or mentors managed to sensed or catch him’ this should probably be ‘no disciples or mentors managed to sense or catch him.’
“Like most missions, this will be covert operation, you are under no circumstances are you to reveal your relationship with the palace.”’ this should either be worded ‘Like most missions, this will be a covert operation, you are under no circumstances to reveal your relationship with the palace.’ or ‘Like most missions, this will be a covert operation, under no circumstances are you to reveal your relationship with the palace.’
You could also separate this into two sentences like, ‘Like most missions, this will be a covert operation. You are under no circumstances to reveal your relationship with the palace/ Under no circumstances are you to reveal your relationship with the palace.’
‘He somehow sneaked on board, I wasn’t even surprised.’ I think should be, ‘He somehow snuck onboard, I wasn’t even surprised.’ Although, apparently that’s only Northern American wording? So I guess it really depends if you’re writing it in british or american structure?
‘Haruki rolled around on my futon casually, as if he owe the place.’ should be ‘Haruki rolled around on my futon as if he owned the place.’
‘Men or women didn’t mattered to me’ It should probably be ‘Men or women didn’t matter to me’.
‘She didn’t held her fingers the same way’, should probably be, ‘She didn’t hold her fingers the same way’
'I just laughed at his disappointed he look" this could be either ‘I just laughed at how disappointed he looked**’ or ‘I just laughed at his disappointed look’
‘He finally spend all his energy, and just wanted to take a nap.’ This should probably be, ‘He finally spent all of his energy, and just wanted to take a nap.’ or even, ‘He had finally spent all of his energy, and just wanted to take a nap.’
‘Physical contact so sudden made me felt highly uncomfortable’ should probably be, ‘Physical Contact so sudden made me feel highly uncomfortable.’
‘He didn’t seem to heard a single word I said.’ Can be phrased, ‘He didn’t seem to hear a single word I said’, ‘He didn’t seem to hear a single word I had said’, or even ‘He doesn’t seem to have heard a single word I said.’ perhaps?
‘“Why are we hiding from him?” Umiko whispered.’ I’m pretty sure this is Haruki/Haruka talking, not Umiko.
‘“W-what?” Haruki was trembling. “You’ll keep her away right?” He was really scared. “I won’t let her hurt us.” I was so close to becoming an Onmyoji, I wasn’t going to let anything happen to either of us.’ I believe this half is MC talking, right? If so, then you should make a new paragraph to indicate it’s not Haruka/Haruki talking.
‘Killing a Yokai would trapped their souls in the human realm, they would never find peace, it was a cruel fate.’ This could be, ‘Killing a Yokai would trap their soul in the human realm, they would never find peace, it was a cruel fate.’ Or perhaps even you could cut the sentence up to help it run smoother like, ‘Killing a Yokai would trap their soul in the human realm, and they would never find peace. It was a cruel fate.’
… and I hope I didn’t mess up anywhere in there. Sorry if I did, my head kind of hurts right now, so it’s sort of difficult to focus.
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Haruka/Haruki should looked like a teenager more or so. Or it’s up to reader’s own interpretation I guess~ Cause I know some might find it odd for him/her to be a RO if they looked like a kid x’D but I personally envisioned him/her looking 13-15.
Edit:
Sorry I was so dazed! My brain went haywire for awhile xD forget what I wrote previously.
And thank you so much for catching all of these for me >wwwww< really appreciate it~ I’m glad you liked it too 
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Oh I see! So they look younger than the MC, but apparently not significantly so? Also, I got twenty-one when I added all the numbers for time passing we get in game, so I’m assuming the MC is currently 21?
It’s fine! I’m kind of out of it too right now, so I totally understand! I actually… can’t exactly remember what it was at first… haha… And no problem, I’m glad to help out!
I had no trouble visualizing Haruka/ki since I’ve read so many manga that I just imagine that Haruka/ki look like a textbook loli ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
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Someone may have asked already, but do we have to have pale white skin?
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Which specialty did you pick? I wanna know the readers preferences and interest >w<
- Gobesei
- Ofuda
- Shikigami
0 voters
just playtest it and encounter this error when choosing a short and tidy hair :
startup line 802: Invalid expression, couldn’t extract another token: . It constantly looked like I just woke up from slumber.
Edit : more report beside what @Amatres already point out :
No. Of course no. I have no idea what it was about me, but Haruki stuck onto me like an incurable virus. They was no getting rid of him. (There was no getting rid of him)
The water was warm, the breeze was soft, it was just like how I imagined, I never want to leave. I’ve never left so relax, I don’t think I was ever allowed such luxury in the palace. (felt)
and that cliffhanger is so well place 
lol
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Noooo I was so happy that there we’re no coding errors TwT you ruined my happiness hahaha but thank you >www< will fix them soon ~~~~
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hhaaa… XD i guess i should encounter it sooner if i try to play it with another hairstyle (too bad, im usually choose the same option unconciously everytime i re-playtest game XD)
Yup >www<
Hahahahaha for someone who wants to romance a rokurokubi or a jorogumo xD I’m surprised you could still appreciate a loli [quote=“Nikki, post:126, topic:20632”]
do we have to have pale white skin?
[/quote]
Surprisingly you’re the first one who asked that. But yes >w< it has something to do with plot 
You will realized there’s no mentioned of your father…yet!
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I like the environmental background. It is very good. I am a Chinese who lives in Sweden.
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Haruki/Harukas raccoon form is so adorable 
.
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I think i fell inlove with Haruka x,D
As for my MC, I chose slender as my body and a long ponytailed hair…I look freaking sexy xD ahem
I already love it so far but I suggest that you also put a pic for characters (or ROs) too for a better view anyways…
So far, there’s nothing wrong but I am curious though about the mother’s profession choices. Does this affect anything in the future plot? Actually nevermind, I’m asking for a spoiler. Does this affect your powers and stats? And for personality choices does this affect your responses to potential ROs and random characters alike or is it something more?
Sorry, so many questions ^^"
Mother’s profession will affect your knowledge and skills in the future >w< [and stats too]
Yes~ if you try other play through with a different personality, you will realized the different dialogue and reactions your MC makes >w< Gender makes some difference too, if you’re male Isamu would accept your futon offer, if you’re female, Isamu would reject.
A male Haru and a female combo will result in an extra comment before and during the Jorogumo
A female Haru and a male combo will have different dialogues and so on
and a A female haru and female also have one xDD
Shopping with Isamu have different insight as well, depending on your gender xD
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Hi @Ros_e !
"Oh no Haru, why did you have to get her mad? " was repeated twice.
"I existed the hall after shortly after the brief,… "
Should be
"I exited the hall shortly after the briefing,… "
So far, I’m really loving Isamu. XD Looking forward for the rest!
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This makes want a baby raccoon as pet ( not one that turns into a human of course, im just a big softy when it comes to animals)…ahem… am I weird?
I hope that i worded that right.
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How old is Haruka/Haruki
I’m surprised someone finally likes Isamu 
Awwwwwwwwww~
It’s answered here >www<
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