Partly completed chapter one. A few branches are works in progress because I kinda burned out on writing the same fight scene. So you will be railroaded even more so than you would if those branches were there. Sorry about that.
There is a lot of graphic violence. To a cartoony degree probably. Swearing. Light scenes. Dark scenes. Babies being eaten (soon, not yet). Yadda yadda ya. If you’re uncomfortable with that please don’t click the link. That’s counter intuitive.
The WIP currently hasn’t really explored too much of the world. There are non-human races in the game but you won’t meet any yet. You will get to select your gender (male or female), the choice just hasn’t naturally come up yet. There are six romance options I’m planning to have. Three males, one bi, one straight, one gay. And three females, one bi, one straight, one gay. The character you’re with in the first chapter is not one of them.
Point out anything that’s terrible. I recently found out I suck with commas. I’ve worked on that. If I’m missing or improperly using a comma, let me know.
UPDATE ONE: Gone a bit through the second chapter but haven’t finished it yet. It’s mainly just the first meeting with your first companion. Just a note, if you go rushing around or charging through the door you will have a much shorter playthrough than the other options. Just keep that in mind. Also have no idea if I’m doing this update thing right.
UPDATE TWO: You come across the gustrugg. One of the other races in the game. Chapter two close to done.
Unless you had a Blue Rock Razz, the soda with the power of super speed, but you don’t.
All that aside, I love the idea of being Sodamek, while I not usually like a direct attack like that fire attack for example, this one is good imo. I wonder what stored for MC later in story. I’m looking forward to meet the characters, especially that girl in the end of chapter
I see what you mean with some of your examples. With my dialogue though I put the periods in as a stylistic choice to change the way the line is delivered by the character. Maybe I’m overusing it though. I do love my periods. The non-bloody kind.
With that you wouldn’t use a comma because the dialogue is followed by an action and not a dialogue tag. If it was “Okay,” you say. “I’m going.” Then it’d be fine. But since the character is standing the comma there would be incorrect. I used to think it was okay to use commas in dialogue like that too.
Thank you for your help though. Especially with the first example. I can see how that’d feel off. As to Jake, yes. You will definitely run into him again. There are a few different outcomes for the character in this chapter, which would change what events transpire later on.
Reminds me a lot of the earlier Fallout games. The WiP’s got that same sweet, comical horror type vibe.
Was envisioning a total desert wasteland while reading through as well, though I’m not sure if this is the setting you were aiming for. Has the world building been fleshed out? I’m eager to find out more about this world, consider me intrigued.
Pulled off the dialogue perfectly too. It eases you into the atmosphere of the whole story while still relating to the soda-chugging-mercenary-in-wasteland aesthetics. And Jakes a funny fellow that meant well enough… was a funny fellow.
Also, you better best believe I was pissed that I didn’t have the chance to eat any of those damn cinnamon rolls!
Least to say, you’ve hooked me. I look forward to seeing the WiP grow and prosper.
Desert wasteland is kinda what I was going for. The world building isn’t super fleshed out but it’s kinda there. You’ve got your Grimlands, which is that wasteland-western kinda place. The cities are proper cities and nothing like the Grimlands. Kinda like the cities we have now, hence the MC having a smart phone. The cities also only allow humans in. I’m a pantser so I don’t exactly plan too much. Things may be subject to change. It’s all a wave of ideas going through my head that isn’t set in stone until I type it out. I can tell you a bit about the two races.
You’ve got the Sinsigri. These beings look like humans except they’re in greyscale. Like they’ve come out of a black and white film. Only their eyes have colour, mainly reds and purples. They wield katanas, which they’re able to control with their minds. Makes them incredibly dangerous because they can cut you to pieces while standing a safe distance away. One of them becomes a companion and romance option.
Gustrugg are these seven feet tall crimson beings built like bodybuilders and covered in white markings, plus they have these little horns that protrude from their heads. These guys eat humans. Any human will do but they love younger meat. So they usually go for children and babies when they can.
Those are the two races I’ve got so far. Unsure if I’ll put more in. Besides that we’ve got guys who can make milk appear and control it living in the Milk Monastery. Soda bars with robot barkeepers. Lawkeepers with laser handguns. An immortal king. And other fun stuff.
I swear, my boy. It is not anything that could stimulate those senses. Only way that’d work is if I wrote erotica. But I don’t. It’s just a super boring thing to help me get around my game.
Cheers, Wolf! There will definitely be laser guns. Update should be coming sometime this week. Hopefully sooner than later. Unsure if this update will contain the laser guns though. We’ll see what happens.
