Now that you guys say it,would like an option to be something like an ambassador,the countable of the Kingdom or a more specific position related to government.
Like a blacksmith,bodyguard or an apothecary?
It is not difficult to agree with the MC when he says “Those are professions too low for a Prince”,surely the parents could introduce him to a more suitable career.
I also really struggled with the concept of the monarchs asking their child to study a trade. That would basically be anathema to nobility of any kind, let alone royalty, in real life.
I don’t think you necessarily need to change it! But it is hard for me to suspend my disbelief over, personally. I’ve read too many historical romance novels and the nobility would literally rather starve than work. Their whole worldview is predicated on being better than the working class.
The thing that’s hard for me to get on board with is that having one of their children working a trade would reflect really poorly on the monarchy, so even if they really hated our MC, it doesn’t make sense for them to be apprenticed somewhere. At least in the paradigm we’re used to. Your story can have a totally different attitude towards those things! But I think it will require a little more set up and/or fleshing out because it’s not intuitive to people who are familiar with the normal genre conventions.
Edit: I really like the idea of the story though, so I hope the feedback isn’t discouraging! If you agree with it, find a way to try and incorporate it. If not, ignore us and keep doing your thing. 
While I understand where most of you are coming from, in the end, it’s still just a fantasy where anything can happen . If the author wanted the Mc to turn into a dragon, he can do just that, even if it doesn’t make any sense.
If you are comfortable with the feedback, then go ahead and make changes, if not, then write the story as you want.
Yeah I’ll admit, the whole “get a job and move out” thing kinda took me by surprise. Like if Prince Harry became a plumber instead of joining the military or doing charity work.
I kinda lost interest with the options as well and maybe it’s because personally I like a bit of intrigue when playing in these settings and being a blacksmith or healer doesn’t really sound like a fun time.
Of course I’m sure you have your vision all planned out already, and if this is the story you want to tell there’s no need to change it. Good luck with your wip!
Huh, I read the exact same thing and thought the MC was really weirdly confrontational, despite me choosing that they fully agree with their parents. Maybe that passage doesn’t change regardless of your choice, so the author picked a middle-ground response? In that case, it should probably be more tailored to the player’s choice.
I don’t really expect an 18 year old to throw a tantrum… Seems too old for that.
Yeah, I just want to do as the non crown prince Russians did in the 19th century and just fuck off to Europe for a couple years before building myself a palace, watching ballet, and sipping copious amounts of tea.
Which is why I also mentioned the clergy, or, if the setting already has them universities as a scholar or even an artist.
If nothing else is available then just send the mc to an estate in the mountains to practice their calligraphy for the rest of their lives…some Chinese emperors did this with relatives they absolutely did not want around but also presumably did not care to murder outright.
Which is why the bodyguard option is strange, to say the least, if the mc can do that they can presumably also act as on officer. If the horse part is the problem they could be an infantry, or if the setting already has the tech level artillery, officer instead, which may be a slight downgrade, including uniform wise, from the cavalry stints royals usually did, but nothing as severe as being made into a common guardsman.
Even if the mc is completely useless at military and what we today call sports/athletic stuff there is still the clergy or becoming a scholar or artist that has been deemed acceptable, if not the first choice, for less useful princes in the past.
That the mc’s family clearly doesn’t want them to avail themselves of. In practice they’re being disinherited and cast out and likely severely humiliated for good measure being told to essentially become a commoner, live like a commoner, dress like a commoner, etc.
Artisans are still commoners, even if they tended to be a bit better off materially than farmers, labourers or common soldiers, who have to work for a living, not artists, which unlike artisan has been deemed vaguely acceptable for spare, useless royal relatives in the past. Selling the occasional art piece you made for fun is a lark, working as an artisan on commission is well working for a living, which is not what royals tended to do.
I’m just here to say how fun I found this little introduction. This seems like the kind of game that is right up my alley and I’m wholly excited to see and play more.
I’m curious about if we’ll be building out our relationships with our family during this game or if the initial distance is to help us along and further justify whatever journey we’ll be going on? Either way I’m sure I’ll enjoy it but I always find games where I get to build a sibling relationship extra fun cause I’m livin that only child life cx
But anyhow, thank you for sharing your story with us! I’ll definitely be looking forward to what comes next!
I enjoyed this, it’s interesting how the MC doesn’t have a real purpose in the kingdom. Being a blacksmith is a great idea, but what can a royal do that a peasant couldn’t? His education isn’t formed either so maybe, a couple of chapters earlier on that could shape the MC into each job role could help and make it more believable. The bodyguard option also is good however the MC isn’t a good sword fighter, nor would putting a royal at such risk protecting other royals. I do think this can work well and I will stay tuned to see future updates! I know its a very early WIP, don’t get discouraged!
Keep up the great work!
I thought much of the same thing. As a royal there are so many opportunities available to you that still benefits the Kingdom in a myriad of ways.
Diplomat? Steward? Spy? 
That’s a very good point I had failed to consider. Very deviously clever by the parents.
Blacksmiths aren’t usually peasants either. Blacksmiths are generally artisans.
I mean, idk if I’d go for a full-blown tantrum. I didn’t really get the vibe that MC necessarily fell into the “spoiled brat” category, and an eighteen-year-old throwing a tantrum seems… juvenile, but I suppose that could be a choice lol. BUT if you meant more of like starting an argument as opposed to screaming and shouting nonsense then leaving, then yeah. I wouldn’t mine an option where you tell the parents off and then leave without waiting for a response.
That’s another thing I kind of just had to ignore/roll with as far as the plot goes because some of those things are learned skills, and if the MC can’t manage to learn those skills, why would the parents believe the MC is capable of an apprenticeship?
Maybe it’d be helpful to spend a little more time before the scene where the parents tell them they have to get an apprenticeship laying out/explaining MC’s ineptitude in those areas…
Imagine having the option of learning how to be an assassin/spymaster or something 
Especially due to the fact that a royal’s marginal utility as a diplomat or a spy is going to be dramatically greater than that of a commoner.
I doubt a Royal would be converted into an Assassin especially if it’s at the behest of the monarchs. It’s too seedy and, ironically, conspicuous.
However, I am all for possibly becoming a Spymaster. Building a web of contacts and doing all the intelligence gathering in the Kingdom and abroad is certainly well within the realm of possibility for a Royal.
Perhaps even turning into a Grey Eminence and manipulating events to place you in power should the Royal have aspirations for the throne.
Wait… Aren’t spymasters assassins in their own right? I always understood them to basically be masters of both crafts.
It depends.
In fantasy Spymasters are absolutely portrayed as elusive shadows and Masters of any sort of killing arts.
Historically, Spymasters had the function akin of the Secret Service where their purpose is to thwart foreign plots and guarantee the safety of the Kingdom. They keep tabs on squabbling nobles, any sort of treason, keeping high ranking officials in check, keeping tabs on possible rebellions, tracking overly ambitious courtiers and so on. Often bringing reports to the Monarch on any event that requires their attention and dealing with them according to their wishes.
Not to mention they’d have a ring of loyal minions to carry out any actual espionage or assassination once the Spymaster gives them the order.
Spymasters are also usually the ones responsible for actually recruiting and training said Spies to be sent out.
I hadn’t heard of spymasters ever being portrayed as assassins, in fiction or otherwise… perhaps that is what led to my immense confusion the last time I was involved in a discussion about spymasters. I always just think of spymasters as the chief of a secret military police force.
weird, that’s how i felt waking up to 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 posts (!!?) in this thread. This is gonna be a long one, but i really appreciate all the input and i’ll go through and respond to some questions
You’re a genius.
Thank you! as you’ve no doubt determined by other posts in the thread, I have a good amount to learn but I’m glad to hear it’s enjoyable.
Luckily you won’t have to wait too long! I’ve set a lot of time aside to work on this and have a detailed outline so I hopefully shouldn’t writers block too much.
Thank you!
Perfect feedback, thank you so much–don’t hold back if I could do anything else better
You come back to this in a few different posts and I feel like everyone’s kind of right here. It’s explored more in some dialogue options but yeah, the short of it is that MC doesn’t excel at the “right” things for a royal child and their brothers are much more popular. And Florian is a jerk (for now?) Palmer is more sympathetic but usually isn’t willing to actively defend/support MC.
Folks, we’ve got one of the CoG beta testing greats in here–I’ll do my best to keep your interest, your feedback is invaluable.
Ugh, I know!
Thanks for your comment on the very first draft, that was part of what pushed me to make a topic so early.
Big mood.
I think this should pull the first name field (var fname)–I’ll look into it. Thanks!
Awesome! Yeah, the thesis of the piece is kind of like “what does everyone do when someone is born into a family that doesn’t really have a place for them?” The comforts of royal life are a nice distraction, but it doesn’t erase the feeling of not belonging.
Absolutely! Many stories are either “royals stay in the castle and do castle business and royal things” or “royal sets off on a completely un-royal quest and never sees the castle until they return victorious”. But the fascination with royalty, for me, is how they interact with their subjects. In Game of Thrones, for example, (minor spoilers) King’s Landing has a population of half a million, but you so rarely see anything outside the red keep and it’s easy to forget the sheer numbers of the populace and how different their lives must be.
YESSSSS absolutely. They don’t appreciate MC? Rebellion almost at the door, they’re magically saved, and they still grow up to be unappreciative? kick rocks, Florian (and Palmer too, but maybe he can see the light).
Same!
I wrote Interstellar Airgap (dystopian space heist) and Score of a Lifetime (kind of a treasure hunt car heist kind of thing). I think both are good but they’re passion pieces and pretty clearly “what I wanted to write”. I’m very, very proud of the story and characters in Airgap but I understand that the genre isn’t particularly popular in this medium and I count every sale as a lucky one. But it’s truly the story i felt I had to tell, and now I’ve moved on to a story people might like to hear 
Ah, yes. This too! I wrote it without ever looking for feedback until it was half done and I had kind of written myself into a corner. The characters weren’t great, either. But it’s up on Dashingdon and there’s a topic.
Awesome, thank you!
It certainly does seem like the most straightforward way to gain power… Hmmm…
This is the first of a few posts that I want to emphasize I really, really appreciate. I’m not a medieval scholar and feedback like this is perfect. Even if I don’t end up taking the story in this direction, It’s important to me to explain why in the text and not leave a big old plot hole.
If she could solve a problem or gain power by doing it, absolutely. But this could also be short-sighted, and the queen is anything but.
Love this feedback! If there are any other lines that really work (or miss horribly), or if there’s an opportunity to add an interaction that would serve a purpose I’m always happy to hear suggestions!
You are really going to like some of the paths in the second act
I have fifteen drawn up in Plottr–I really like them all (including the ones I love to hate). We’ll see how many make it into the final script but I’m hoping to get them all in. I’m going back and forth on gender-locked with specific orientations vs flippable vs gender-locked everybody is pan. I’ll post a full list of them probably after the next update, even if it’s many chapters before some of them are met.
Yeah this is part of it too, it’s insane for royals to ship their kid off to learn a common trade but… maybe the castle is a disaster that the kid wants to get away from in the first place.
This is interesting. I don’t have anything plotted for this to actually happen, but it’s certainly feasible that the queen could be scheming for it. Breaking up the paths by gender is something I’m not a huge fan of, I’d rather have it be an active and informed choice, but it’s something to consider.
Flawless feedback. Agreed on paragraph one, there definitely needs to be a stronger in-story explanation for this.
Paragraph 2: Absolutely, the lack of pushback borders on unrealistic. In a sense, MC knew this day was coming but at the same time, it should certainly be something the royals have to work for.
P3: For sure. The impending reign of King Florian is certainly not going to be a time of prosperity for the kingdom. MC is certainly aware of this, and the commoners share this suspicion.
Agreed–even if it all leads to the same place (shh! don’t look behind the curtain!) there should be more flexible and realistic options to push back.
You clearly put a lot of work into this feedback and I sincerely appreciate it. I understand that the events setting the plot in motion are kind of thin to anyone who understands the history of this stuff and I don’t want to alienate the group that should be the most avid readers. Genuinely, thank you and don’t hesitate to keep posting.
It is I think GEPGUN came across as measured and constructive as possible in their feedback, which is really hard to do when the crux of the post is “you are a clown. a fool. a baboon who does not know the first thing about what you claim to write, fraud.” (they did not say this, but they might have been thinking it). I appreciate you standing up for the baby WIP and we’re all on the same side here–we want this to be the best piece it can be.
Thank you! That’s what I’m shooting for.
Thank you as well! As I mentioned, I have most of the story outlined but I’m absolutely willing to make major changes if the text borders on completely unrealistic and unreadable.
Agreed! Maybe there should be another route here where the MC completely refuses to do any of these options, leading to… something more prestigious? something… different, altogether? I’ll think on it and see where it goes. Thank you!
I adore any feedback, especially the critical kind. Posting so early in the story helps me make sure I’m on the right track, so thank you for chiming in and please continue to do so!
Whew, that would be a chapter 3 for the ages. Love the support and I certainly don’t feel like I’m being forced to make any changes. But I do want to make it realistic (or at least coherent) and I’m honored that so many people have taken the time to provide feedback so far.
This is great feedback. “MC gets a boring job” should be boring for the MC, not for the reader. You shouldn’t have to “put up with things” starting in chapter 2. I’ll look into what can be changed.
Ah, I’m one of three (could you tell? from the story? i bet!!) I’m planning to absolutely develop the family relationships as a core part of the book’s structure, regardless of where MC ends up
Thank you! Great feedback. It does seem like these options aren’t really set up to help the MC thrive. By design, perhaps? Or just an unlucky coincidence? We’ll see, I promise–but if it’s a slog to get there, I’m perfectly happy to tweak what’s there so far.
Awesome idea. A lot of my thought process is “they can read between the lines, come on, get the plot moving” but if the plot doesn’t make sense… what are we doing here? lol
Now we’re talking. Love this idea.
To everyone: Thank you so much for your feedback! I’ll be revising the first two chapters and posting again when chapter 3 is available
I think it became muddled thanks to the likes of Assassin’s Creed - specifically starting with Brotherhood - where you are the leader of a group of Assassins who spread about to gather intel and build a network to carry out your plans.
Literally a Spymaster.
Thing is, you’re also the ultimate badass killing machine. So I imagine it somehow got bundled together?
You are correct though. Spymasters, traditionally, are only the “Head Administrator” of the entire Spy Ring and their job is to gather the intelligence, sift through it all, assign tasks, how to deal with everything, etc.
Yes, but… why is that a problem for the MC? If I’m third in line, I don’t need to excel at any royal affairs and I’m obviously going to be less popular than the heirs. It just seems like a reality of the situation rather than something that the MC should be upset about.
Oh, I haven’t played anything in that series.