I’ve decided to restructure from word 1; here’s a prologue that I’m hoping captures some of the overall mood I want the game to have (there is blood and death, but also hope). It’s a little (very little) backstory about what led to the founding of the kingdom and mostly I’m just looking for feedback on the vibe and the writing, etc. But this is hopefully the start of the final project. Tearing things down, revisiting the outline, and starting over was rough but @FatedFlame and others were right, I needed to take an axe to what I had and put together something coherent As we move forward, I look forward to addressing a lot of the issues folks had with the first few chapters. Thanks!
This looks super promising, I was getting really into it and then it ended.
I am a sucker for anything medieval and involving royalty as I know a lot of other people are too so if you were to continue with the series I’m sure it’ll gain attention.
Well done, love your writing and personally I enjoyed reading it a lot.
It seems like the MC has a negative opinion of their brothers, but there isn’t a clear explanation of why that is. There is the implication that it’s because they are in line for the throne before the MC, yet, there’s no implication that the MC necessarily even wants the throne. Is that supposed to be something I’m assuming?
From what I gather it’s more general resentment since they seem to be getting preferential treatment over you despite the fact you were lauded as the saviour of the Kingdom. Also some blatant favouritism from your parents due to your station as a third born and far away in the line of succession. Doesn’t help that your brother openly taunted you and treated you with derision nor does it make things hurt any less when your parents seemingly give you the cold shoulder when you confront them about it.
Honestly, the fact you’re not planning to run away or treat everyone with contempt by the opening paragraph is pretty impressive. Shows quite some resilience on your part.
It seems like maybe you get more background information with different choices than the ones I picked, then. Still seems odd that it’s locked behind choices, though, since the MC acts as if I know it.
I’m also not sure what you meant about the opening paragraph, since the opening paragraph is just someone knocking on your door.
Lol like so many I too willbsay that the parents in this are the worst also lol this hits way too close for me, annoying control freak who would go to any lengths to get her way for a mother in my case.
Somehow I get the impression that when I click on the link in the first post and start playing the game that pops up, the words that appear on my screen are just simply radically different from the words other people are reading.
This is a great start for sure… the relationship with MC’s family seems interesting and could be very enjoyable to explore further. Would absolutely love more of this, gl!
As we move forward, I look forward to addressing a lot of the issues folks had with the first few chapters. Thanks!
