[WIP] Nature of Meta: Genesis

[Litzilla]

Hiya! I’m Litzilla! I’m a long term lurker and I’ve finally decided to try my hand at my own game! I’ve begun work on my new game Nature of Meta: Genesis. In it, you play a… doing… with goals to…

I’ve never really written anything before so this is a massive first for me, hopefully it all goes well ha. There will probably be some grammar and spelling mistakes, It’d really help me out if you could point them out and I’ll fix them.

And most importantly I wanna know your thoughts! Like it? Hate it? Or do you just think its meh? I take all criticism extremely personally, but that’s ok! I’ll tamper it down and cry into my pillow only when I know no one can hear haha. Ha. Anyway, I’d still really appreciate anything anyone has to say and take it on to improve myself as a writer and the story.

Now onto what you’re here for…

You see it, a future with a cataclysm in a fleeting moment. A precognition gives you the chance to change this, will you?

In a world of Metas, super powered individuals, and regular humans - a divide has created rising tension and an unstable society. Moments that define the world can slip by unnoticed, but will you seize yours? Will you change this world for better or worse…

After a dream alluding to a catastrophic event by an unknown force, you are the only hope to avoid it. Now to figure out where, when and what is going to happen…

Or

A lessthanalwaysaccurate future seeing Meta being roped into helping the local Federal Bureau of Control (FBC). ahemNationalbodyofgovernmentinchargeorprettymucheverythingMetaand securityoranythingahem because you had a dream of catastrophic event in a city shrouded in rising tension and very active terror activity.

DEMO LINK

*I suggest playing it first before checking out the romances and stuff

RO

Romances

• Gabriel Monet - (he/him, she/her)
  The perfect FBC agent. But if they’re so perfect why haven’t they progressed further in the FBC…
  Warm olive skin is covered by thick tactical gear with breath taking green eye peak from behind swept dark hair. An imposing figure of coldness and professionalism, can you pierce their hard exterior and unravel this perfectionist…

• J.D - (they/them, he/him, she/her)
  The wildcard liability. Less is known about them than anyone else within the FBC but they’re too valuable an asset to let go and too big a liability to go unchecked.
  Sun kissed hair and sparkling blue eyes sit on pale skin, they’re a stunning picture of relaxed confidence as they move through this world carefree. Discover the true price of this freedom…

• Angel dela Cruz (he/him, she/her)
  Outlaw outcast. This soft spoken crime general assist the FBC, for reasons unknown…
  With their piercing black eyes and silky black hair tied up to go along with their neat appearance. Skin the colour of freshly hewn earth hidden behind a pristine suit. Explore their underworld of crime and what it has cost them…

Game Tumblr

Currently it’s about ???% done.

Thank you for checking it out! Please enjoy and let me know your thoughts!

[geldar]

(Note that I’m only partway through)

I’m sure it’s partially my aphantasia, but I can’t really tell where my character is located in space. You have a lot of descriptors, but very few of them are spatial. About halfway through Trashman chasing me I was like “okay but where the hell actually are we, I just know I’ve been running… in some direction…” I didn’t have any concept of what my destination was. Apparently my character didn’t either since I somehow hit a dead end (which really shouldn’t be happening; aren’t I supposed to be going to my workplace? Shouldn’t I know where that is?).

Inside the warehouse, it wasn’t at all clear why some people could see me but others couldn’t. Especially since I could only see half the characters who were present.

Then after my arrest, I… had absolutely no clue where I was. Not one iota of an idea. I was pretty sure I wasn’t in any sort of police station, but that’s all I knew (or thought, if that’s actually incorrect?)

Also, BTW, you mention this is 18+. CoG does have a separate section for adult games. I don’t know if the current version has any adult content or not, but you may want to ask to have it moved there.

[Nexus_Knight]

I found a loop in the demo.

[geldar]

I have more questions…

1. Does the MC know that their precognition is a Meta power? They seem to be entirely aware of Metas, and aware of their power, but they act like those are completely separate things. Or is it a different type of power, unrelated to Metas?

2. What is the connection between C.O.N.T.R.O.L. and the FBC, if any? Are they the same thing? Why two names then?

3. What does the FBC do? My impression was that they’re supposed to control Metas. Yet, they apparently are all Metas. Also, how are they connected to the police force? Is there a regular police force? Like… apparently the police sirens were related to my arrest, but AFAIK I was arrested by the FBC, not by the police.

[Litzilla]

Thank you for catching all that! Hopefully its fixed now!

[Litzilla]

Hiya! Thanks for the critique. To explain the deadend bit, at some point you miss your turn to leave the alley ways that you usually take for work. After that point it turns into abit of a maze run because MC hasn’t been through those areas, so yes it is supposed to be confusing.

I think the after arrest thing may have been a code issue where it took you back to one of the previous choices! It was supposed to end at that point. But it should be all fixed now!

I forgot to add the adults tag! I’ll do that now thanks!

[Litzilla]

1. Yes they know it is their power. MC’s powers are supposed to be confusing for them since it works in showing them scenes but not explaining them. It makes Mc’s life very difficult sometimes
2. CONTROL and FBC are one and the same. CONTROL and FBC are just short names for Federal Bureau of Control
   3.Most of the details will be better explained in chapter 2. FBC are essentially the police force. Their introduction completely overhauled the previous systems. FBC is basically split into the 3 main areas of : government, research and the active ground force.

I hope you enjoyed the game!

[geldar]

@Litzilla

I forgot to add the adults tag! I’ll do that now thanks!

It’s actually not just a tag, it’s an entirely different section of the forums. It can only be viewed by people in the Adult Readers group.

@Litzilla

I think the after arrest thing may have been a code issue where it took you back to one of the previous choices! It was supposed to end at that point. But it should be all fixed now!

Oh, I see, that’s why it was so confusing.

[Valixon]

@Litzilla the premise is interesting enough that when I get some free time will gove the demo a try

As it’s been mentioned before depending on just how adult it goes it would be needing to move to the adult section lol. So I would advise talking with staff of ether cog or hg whomever your seeking to eventually get it released under. So they can better advise on it.

[Mei_Hiroshi]

Hey there @Litzilla . Here are some things that I have noticed while playing:

Error(?)

Angel… that’s the good-looking womans/mans name then? Very fitting for such a serene and striking figure.

A breath, I didn’t know I was holding, escapes me and relief fills my stricken chest. Safe.…{/i]

8set JDSex "woman"

Face slightly flushed pink from our struggle moments ago, the exertion of moving me while trying to stay quiet is oblivious even on her fit figure.

I should be on the train to work like any other day right now, no where near here, or near the mess of this morning

“A breathless over takes me but I manage to murmur a small thank you” (This one is in the choice section, not the text)

(Bringin the tip of her boot forward and gently but firmly wiping a glob of Trashman’s dribbled spit onto the boot.
Ssssss…{/i])

Officer Monet watches with me as it trails closer to us. {i}Wait, $[GabrielXhe}’s not gonna put me in there with them is she?

[page_break “-ey. Hey!”

“-ey. Hey!”

A voice calls through the fog of the vision, breaking me out of the grim thoughts.]

[This woman is the complete opposite of the shaky and agitated gunman, she stands tall and calm as she stares down the barrel of the gun with her dark eyes occasionally drifting towards me. Skin the colour of freshly hewn earth paints her sharp features, and brings little warmth to her cool expression. Her long pitch black hair is pulled back into a neat high ponytail with an immaculately styled curtain fringe framing her features. A black suit with a white dress shirt stretches taut against her generous chest and athletic figure, top buttons of the shirt popped open. She fills out the suit perfectly, its been tailored directly for her, more than a simple of the rack purchase. The outfit is accentuated by a simple set of jewellery, golden piercing in both ears lining the outer areas and a long simple golden chain hanging down over her chest with a cross resting at its end.

"This a bloody setup?! Are they with you!? ARE THEY!?"

The gunman’s voice raises as he widely waves the gun around to point between me and the stranger. He seems unsure who is the larger threat, the beautiful suited woman or my crumpled and prone body on a pile of broken crates.

A groan slips between my lips, because of the new situation, its stress and absurdity or just the pain from my fall and abrupt crash landing, I’m not sure.

My sound of pain seems to only agitate the armed stranger further. He swings to face me, stepping closer and pointing the gun to lock on my prone position. "Shut up!"

The suited woman pipes up at this, intent to intervene “Steven, put -”.

The gunman, Steven, spins to face her again "SHUT UP! JUST. SHUT. UP! You especially! I’ve heard about you, Angel!"

Each word is punctuated with Steven jabbing the gun closer to the smooth talking woman, who apparently goes by Angel. And Angel, despite having a gun very much in her face now, doesn’t flinch. her face is a mask of calm and her body relaxed, this is a high stress situation but she looks like she could be simply ordering a coffee with how relaxed she is. Only Steven seems to be feeling the figurative heat, if the sheen of sweat building across his face and shaking hands were to be of any indication.

This isn’t going well..] => why is this scene here? I’m confused. I already encountered all of them in the warehouse and was soon led to the police station by Monet. Then suddenly Trash man found me again, I fell off the ladder and ended up in an old warehouse which led me to the aforementioned scene. Is this repeating/another variation of ROs encounters in the warehouse. Clearly an error. I thought that it was the continuation

Looking towards her, dust fills the air and floats between us disturbed from my rising, through it Angel’s deep obsidian eyes meet mine. She wears a soft and so small you could almost miss it smile. - maybe you could rephrase it.

iving $[AngelXir} hand a final pump of appreciation I release it.
[/details]

[JBento]

I’ll never not find it hilarious when games (it’s not just this one, it’s incredibly widespread) go “all sort of terrible things are happening, like a drug epidemic, gang violence, murder, and public intoxication!” It’s shootouts in the streets, lives being ruined via addictive chemicals for $$$$, generalised violent death, and also some people occasionally get drunk in public, the HORROR!

“release my breath”

“premonition”, “ignore it”, “But in from every fiber of my being” has a mistake somewhere, “it’s a chance”. Also, I THINK you meant Yvonne, with just one “e” but double “n”?

“affects society”, I think you meant “to get to work in.”, “A sound”, and you missed an opportunity to say “I turn my collar to the cold and damp”, how dare you .

“debris”

“acid spitting psycho trash man” was NOT something I was expecting to run into today, but here we are.

I think that “flem” is supposed to be “phlegm”, and first option is missing an apostrophe.

“desolate emergency exit”

“gathering mucus”, that sentence ends with both a semicolon and a period, the swear after “clear shot on me.” should be capitalised, “lining up his shot” also ends with a semicolon and a period

“good-looking [pronouns indecision]”, and don’t forget the apostrophe to make it a possessive, “gunned man” shouldn’t be capitalised

“gunman” shouldn’t be capitalised, and, uh, I don’t know how to tell you this, but dust bunnies are just coalesced dust and not actual bunnies and therefore… can’t… sneeze? EDIT: Ohhhh, nevermind, I just figured out Angel’s metapower.

Extra close italics tag at the end of the first paragraph, it’s generally “not confirming or denying”, “brings a rush of pain to my ankle”,

Code hiccup at the start there, should be “She is crouched” (but don’t forget to account for people picking person last screen, making it “They are crouched” for them), “she means no harm” (same as before), I THINK you mean “obvious even in her fit figure”. “Don’t grab me without my consent” is DEFINITELY not the same as being touch-averse, and I wish there was an option to say that (or something to the same effect) without setting touch-averse to true. Seriously, don’t grab people without their consent. Unless they’re falling off a cliff or something, I guess?

“No shit” has no comma. “No, shit.” is a different thing.

“nowhere” is just one word, “blonde stranger’s”, “she wants”, should be “blue eyes shift” because everything else is happening in the present tense so why not this, “she makes to begin”

Code hiccup in JD’s features there, and should be “her features”, “gets up on her feet and disappears”

“burnt ankle” - it’s the same hiccup as back there, so I’m thinking that this is supposed to be a variable you forgot to code properly?, “neither party is”

I was THINKING of going for an Angel romance to start with, but Monet’s “I’m over this shit, let’s end this now so we can all go home” might have actually propelled her to top spot.

Aaaaand I’m no longer that fond of Monet and Angel takes top spot again.

Code hiccup.

Code hiccup at page_break, also “burns on my burns” is definitely not what you meant to write there. Clicking “next chapter” takes me to the “climb the ladder” option.

Precognition continues to prove itself the most useless power ever in all of fiction, because it’s always “what the fuck is this even about” and never “sweet, next week’s lotto numbers”. I don’t know if that’s your intent, but I think it’d be fun to get precogs that you have to decide “THIS is what it was referring to”. Might be hell to write/code, though.

[Litzilla]

AHH! So many mistakes, this is so embarrassing sorry! This is my first time coding or writing fiction ever so please bare with me for the mistakes. ಥ_ಥ
Thank you for pointing out the errors, it was a great help! Hopefully they are fixed up now!

@JBento

Don’t grab me without my consent” is DEFINITELY not the same as being touch-averse, and I wish there was an option to say that (or something to the same effect) without setting touch-averse to true. Seriously, don’t grab people without their consent. Unless they’re falling off a cliff or something, I guess?

I’ve made some changes to the touch-preference option and will add an extra one like suggested! But that scene did require J.D. to briefly touch MC. Can you guess why?

@JBento

Precognition continues to prove itself the most useless power ever in all of fiction, because it’s always “what the fuck is this even about” and never “sweet, next week’s lotto numbers”. I don’t know if that’s your intent, but I think it’d be fun to get precogs that you have to decide “THIS is what it was referring to”. Might be hell to write/code, though.

Sounds like you are in the perfect mindset of the MC!

You’re the first person to mention knowing Angels powers, congrats! I hope you like the demo!

[Litzilla]

Hiya!
Thank you for pointing those out! Hopefully they are all fixed up now

[JBento]

@Litzilla

AHH! So many mistakes, this is so embarrassing sorry! This is my first time coding or writing fiction ever so please bare with me for the mistakes

It’s mostly just typos, don’t sweat it.

@Litzilla

Can you guess why?

I’m gonna guess that it’s because JD can only shapeshift into people they’ve touched.

@Litzilla

I hope you like the demo!

I did!

[Litzilla]

@JBento

I’m gonna guess that it’s because JD can only shapeshift into people they’ve touched.

Correct! Congrats!

[geldar]

@Litzilla

You’re the first person to mention knowing Angels powers, congrats! I hope you like the demo!

I hadn’t realized it had been used, but now that I know that I’m guessing it’s some form of either memory manipulation or mind control

[K_T]

Found a few coding errors

[JBento]

I’m pretty sure it’s commanding voice.

[geldar]

Well, I guess that could be a very soft form of mind control.

[Litzilla]

Thank you! That should be all fixed up now!