Brilliant
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I really enjoyed this. Can’t wait for more. I was actually mad when I got to the end.
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I really enjoyed the demo:blush: The story’s consistency was good for me and I really liked the interaction with Corbyn!!
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I can say i like the way you write. Interactions between characters are not forced and conversations with the narrator are interesting. I would like to see what this story has to offer in the future. Keep up the good work, take care and dont forget to wash your hands
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Just wanted to say I’m really digging your writing style too. Keep it up and good luck on the game 
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Thanks!! I’m glad to hear (read?) my writing style’s coming through since it’s a mess more often than not 
Stay safe too!
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Bookmarking this one for sure! I’m really interested in the concept you’re working with, and I’m a sucker for 4th wall breaking style interactions so I’m really excited to be able to interact with the narrator. I’ll come back and do a more thorough read for any errors, but so far there’s a lot of promise here. 
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Thank you! Also, same! 4th wall breaks are fun I just hope I don’t overdo it but it’s definitely going to give the PC some weirdass moments too 
And tbh, it all started from me criticizing and laughing at my own writing. Mr. Narrator is just, well, more invested to what happens in the story than the writing
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heya quick suggestion, if true names are super important and only supposed to be shared with people you really trust and are close to (such as narrator dude accidentally), why not give the option to have corbyn/coryna know mc’s true name and vice versa? they’ve been friends with the mc since diapers so they could probably trust each other enough to share that info
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There will be a chance for that! You can say it’s one of the pay-offs from working on your/PC’s relationships with the ROs. If you look at the stats screen after meeting them (those who are available to meet right now, at least) their True Names are set as “Unknown”. As for PC giving your True Name readily to Mr. Narrator, well, it’s going to be addressed in the story too ^~^
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Interesting premise. And your writing is quite good as well, no worries on that front. 
Looking forward to reading more!
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All I can say at the moment is that Corbyn called the female MC “princess” and that is adorable. +100 points on domesticity factor—I love this game already. It’s well-written and the dialogue feels really nice and real, like it actually has substance. Color me impressed! I can’t wait to see more of this
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I am really interested with the premise. I think this’ll be good.
Edit: Okay well this is good. Better in fact. I didn’t have that much of a strong feeling about baking at first, but it grew on me. The narrator seemed interesting, although super vague. I get the feeling that he’s much more than just a narrator, I already have a few theories but whatever lol.
It’s currently looking pretty good! Good luck on this WIP! I’ll definitely look out for this one.
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@Personaddict07 Thank you!
@ADeckofDucks Aww, thank you. It’s mostly done to establish their familiarity with each other (and Corbyn really likes nicknames smh ) but also hell yeah to future further domesticity I’m glad you like the interactions, too. They’re one of the things I like writing about, tbh!
@whitebear That’s really cool! I actually have very limited experience with baking other than watching cooking but videos on YouTube smh so this is a challenge for me as well but hey, I like challenging myself anyway Yeah, Mr. Narrator is much more but you didn’t hear that from me 
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Narrators just god that got bored and decided to randomly just narrate random people’s lives and spice it up a bit to have something interesting to tell, lol
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LMAO or PC’s just schizophrenic. Also, please put spoiler tags on theories, thanks!
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Ah right, sorry about that! Also likely dumb question but how do I do that? Lol
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It’s okay! And you can do it by putting
[ s p o i l e r ] and [ / s p o i l e r ] tags, without space, like this:
and it’ll look like this:
hi this is a spoiler
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Thanks and fixed now! I’ll make sure to remember it for future reference
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a very well-written wip!!! i love the addition of your art (i think i recognize you from instagram? ) and my god, i could gush over your style for hours!
regarding your worldbuilding, your prologue sells the game very well. i’m interested in learning more about the Deiomakhia, gotta love spicy lore ESPECIALLY when its part of a modern-fantasy world. 
from that one scene, i adore corbyn/coryna. that’s right, keep calling the PC a gremlin! insult them some more!!! 
some questions about lore!
so sorry for bombarding you with questions-- please dont feel obligated to instantly answer haha since its pretty early
how rare are archons? like, compared to the general population, are they a 1 in 100,000? if they are rare, is it enough for others to perceive them differently? like, “whoa this Person is an Archon and I… am not… better not mess with them!”
i know you said they “are no less powerful, sometimes even more” so, theoretically, can certain Archons limit break/have a higher power capacity compared to heroes?
how do they classify relics? by the potential harm it could cause? is it done by a system i.e Class E, Class D and so on?
can i drink from the river in rivercliff— //jkjk thats all i questions i have right now hehe
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