Sorry everyone, I’m not really working on the game at the moment, I focus more on my art school that I’m applying for, and it’s really hard to do everything right ^^"
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Its actually good that you have your priorities straight, I’m sure you will find time soon enough to get back to this project after everything else is worked out, best of luck:)
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For the choice of the race, do you want two or three choices that will come separately in the game ?
You will have two or three choices based on features, and an aditionnal choice that will make you choose between the races that have these kind of features !
- Two
- Three
0 voters
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Thanks everyone for the votes !
So, you will have two choices about the features choices of your character species !
And after that, you will have to choose specially wich species you want !
Of course I will not tell you what are the species, it’s no fun if I do !
Right now, I’m still working on the first one, and much much down on the codes, the second choice is already written, but nothing between the two choices is made, so when I will update (not now) You will have to ignore the next pages !
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Hello Everyone !
I am back with a new update. 
Sorry about the delay, I hope you will like it.
Don’t forget that there is some choices that are premade at the end, so please just ignore them !
Here is the link again if you don’t want to go back up :
https://dashingdon.com/play/aidentenshi/the-discovering/mygame/
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@Suzuno_TheNekoGirl can you fix this:
Uncaught Error: SaveMod: Unable to *sm_save before *sm_init
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Can you retry it please ?
@Suzuno_TheNekoGirl It didnt change.
Oh- Do you know how can I fix it ? ^^"
Unfortunately no. But if you ask the community im sure some one will assist you.
Okay can you try now ? ^^"
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A Changelog and synopsis should be added, a romance section such as how many ROs are there as well, no need to spoil it though.
Potential readers should have a clear understanding on what is the story about before they start reading, thats just my suggestion.
Short Review:
It’s pretty short, finished it in 5 minutes but I gotta say there’s a lot of improvement to be made in regards to the writing and presentation if you ask me.
Firstly, there’s too much purple prose (pretty words) and descriptions of unnecessary things which will slow down the pacing and bore the reader, long paragraphs of uninteresting nothingness with pretty words isn’t good. Also the writing seems to be mixed, is this suppose to be modern? futuristic or medieval?
On one hand Memphis speaks like a modern day character on the other hand the story uses Game of Thrones style language with words like “beckon” being used or sentences like “You mutter confusedly”, kinda confuses the tone, just pick one theme, modern or fantasy medieval. Less is More. (Fallen Hero does this well for reference)
Second, don’t explain everything at the beginning with “we are in this place and this and this happens”, let the world and lore unravel slowly throughout the story to keep the mystery and thrill. I remember the hit anime Fate Zero doing this where the first two episodes of the show were just boring exposition of the world and lore, exposition dumps are to be avoided please as this is not history class.
Third, get right into the action, so the MC wakes up and meets someone and what happens? the MC follows them to their place and boom exposition dumps of “this is blah kingdom with blah king” and literally starts reading history books? Thats a terrible intro. Also its better to have an active MC than a passive MC but not every story can achieve this I understand,
There needs to be some progression at least, like running away or chasing something for that feeling of thrill for eg you’re awoken by someone and you’re escaping and hiding from someone or you wake up and on the way to work you get kidnapped. This story is literally you wake up and read history books?
Thats my take, rewriting is needed imo.
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For the ROs section, I am working on it, I need to understand how I can do it. Because I want descriptions of the ROs to appear depending if you meet them, if you learn things about them etc…
For the Changelog, well I guess I could do it, I’m only updating depending if I reached or not the number of characters I planned. And for the synopsis, you’re right ! I just don’t know how to bring it without spoiling the whole plot ^^"
I am also sorry about the writing, I am not Native in English and that’s the first time I’m writting, and for the passive MC, that’s the thing I want for my game, I mean, no memories, wake up without a clue, I thing it’s quite logical that the MC is like that. And no of course not it’s not just about waking up and reading books. Like it is called “Discovering” is a text game about the MC discovering who they are, what they are and what will happen etc… I don’t think pressing the plot would be good, quite the contrary. But anyway, yes I need to improve a lot of things.
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Of course discovering things is important I agree but the exposition dumps are the huge issue because it bores the reader, it needs to be revealed slowly as the plot progresses.
Also if the start of the story is an MC that is passive I can understand as long as in the later parts the MC becomes more active and not strung along by the plot.
What happens in the story matters, actions and events drives the story. Well good luck on the story regardless, I would suggest reading other stories that are relevant to your chosen genre as a guide.
For eg if this is a supernatural drama or an action thriller or a murder mystery read those stories or tv shows or movies as inspiration.
One tip I would suggest is to envision your story as a movie, there’s a beginning, middle and end part for example. If the beginning to your story is very slow and just exposition then would it work? Lots of novels and comics/manga when adapted to a movie or tv show/anime fail for example.
Its working now thank you!
During this part of the story when i select “You smile softly”, the cruelty bar increases by two points, wasn’t it meant to be kindness instead?
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I think I corrected it now, thank you for telling me these errors :3
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@Suzuno_TheNekoGirl found something you may want to check.
During this part in the story when selecting “You smile at the mindless discussion”, it increases the cruelty by 2 points. I believe its meant to be set to kindness.
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