Can’t wait to see what happens with the demon mother… must not trust her!
Interesting, I like it. Couple bugs, but other then that ok.
One bug.
if select go to “The Goatfather” from the start “Ask for healing” and “Take one” shows line 524: no selective options
Other you can get stuck in page with this options:
Ask him about his life before he left hell - option grey
Tell him about visiting Sister Mercy
Tell him about the vision Sister Mercy induced
Ask for healing - option grey
Good luck! 
@dreamdragonhatchling Thank you for your feedback. I will take it into consideration next time I update.
@Dark_Stalker I have to think of that part. I certainly don’t see it as an instant death. The bonuses for dooming your soul to the mistress are too good to be fake, actually.
Don’t save sister, don’t get greedy, regeneration!
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I get stuck here, I’ve run through all the 4 options, but the two in the middle are the only ones that remained clickable, and when I choose one of them, they bring me right back to this screen so the story does not progress
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This is a very enjoyable demo, aside from some minor bugs.
Certainly looking for more.
I just want to say that I finished the story. I need to do some testing, correcting and recoding but I guess I will be able to post the game here in a few days, provided that everything goes according to the plan.
I’ve already bought a license to use a gorgeous piece of art : https://eu.fotolia.com/id/35922660
I suppose that’s the queen sucuubus?
I think it is rather the female version of the MC, but I guess she could pass for the mother demon as well
Ok, here is the beta version. The first screen shows twice, just use the second box for writing your name.
https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/f3z2xr0h1y9mwlm/Dancing%20with%20Demons%2050k.htm?dl=0
My greatest concerns are:
-typos… Honestly, I haven’t made a thorough check yet.
-health management… Do you feel the game is too difficult in terms of keeping your health above 0?
Thank to everyone participating in the beta. Gl and HF.
liking this so far although it was confusing when i first started , it would be nice if you could explain whats going on and why we are here at the begging i have very limited knowledge on demons and such so it would help to have an explanation on the world and it’s lore doesn’t have to be long just to give reader a general idea of where we’re at. Here are some bugs i found.
@beyonce, thank you very much for your comments. The game has been updated. I’ve corrected the bugs, including the infinite loop around the invasion of the church and police station and I’ve added some basic info about demons and succubi in the beginning.
P.S.: The first screen is getting weirder and weirder
Typos and suggestions:
The term 'demons' applies to a group of creatures from other worlds that tend to appear in **our**.Should be "ours" or "our world".
And, a succubus (incubus) **would often easily get** close to a victim, sometimes relying on charm... or sheer mind controlling abilities.The conditional tense (would... get) doesn't fit well in the context. I would suggest changing it to just be present tense (gets), as is all of the previous text.
Tears run down your cheeks as you **severe** some of it and push it towards the injured dog.The word you're looking for here is "sever".
"What is your offer?" you ask while your eyes cruise all over her body.**"**That last quotation mark shouldn't be there.
**"The pleasure is mine, dear." "How are you, Lauren,"** you ask. "I mean the vampiric thing."You don't need to quote each sentence separately, the transition between the first two sentences is weird, and questions should end in question marks, not commas, even in quotes.
"Sure. Let me show you something." She goes to her room **ans** comes back with a bottle full of some sparkling liquid.Should be "and".
You remove the cap and smell the liquid. Contrary to your expectations, it smells of fresh fruit. Without thinking much, you take a big gulp.**"**That quotation mark shouldn't be there.
The Goatfather, being **a** inter dimensional traveller, told you a lot about parallel worlds, worlds in a bottle and the effects associated with them.It should be "an".
Travelling to such a world, you **will** arrive in a surrounding somewhat similar to the one in your mother world. You **would** probably encounter people you know who may or may not possess the same characteristics.You switched from future tense to conditional tense; they should match.
You would probably encounter people you know who may or may not possess the same characteristics. **It is not known what happens to your equivalent**.This is understandable, but awkwardly worded.
The efficiency of the training method is based on the **so called** **loading** effect."So-called" should be hyphenated and conveys some doubt of the speaker - is this intended? For "loading", see below quote.
When **in** inter dimensional traveller arrives in a parallel world, the latter **itself** does not receive the full information about the subject and tries to update their skills and abilities based on the first several actions to the traveller.Should be "an", "itself" is unnecessary, and in the manner this is conveyed it seems very computer-esque, which doesn't seem very fantasy-like. The computer-esque vocabulary continues throughout this section.
In practice, **it is can appear** only once for a inter dimensional traveller.It should probably say either "it can appear" or "it appears".
**A parts** from the swarms of imps, you see a few larger demons.**The bulky humanoid brutes** whose external skeleton seems impervious to any attack wield big axes and crossbows that resemble mini guns. Infernal gargoyles bring swift death from above by stalking on their prey and disentangling them with their stone clawsThis should be "apart". I'm not sure who/what "The bulky humanoid brutes" are - are they the larger demons? The infernal gargoyles? These three sentences don't transition well into each other as well.
You **wander** why she risked approaching the shoulder instead of fire **lasting** him from a distance.Should be "wonder" and "blasting".
You are either unlocking more of your **succubus** self or it is the loading effect the Goatfather told you about.This isn't as important but it would be nice if this said incubus instead of succubus since I'm playing as a male.
**The** underestimate the effect of fear and shock of that could easily be achieved by slaughtering civilians.Should be "they".
but you hope that **you** looks make both sides regard you as not belonging to the enemy faction.Should be "your". Also, it seems like "appearance" might be a better word than "looks" here.
The monument **situated** on top of a pillar that is at least **5** meters highThis should probably be "is situated". Also, most style guides will agree that numbers under 10 should be spelled out.
She is probably **5** or **6** years old with curly blond hair.Same as above.
The humane part of you wants you **tu** rush head over heels to help. Your more rational one, however, wishes to **al** least think it over.Should be "to" and "at"
**she is probably also unable you**, but seems eager to make you continue towards her mother."She" should be capitalized; it should be "unable to hear you".
"There is no need to worry about your safety. The Dark Lady instructed us to look for a demon who is not part of the current invasion. Our task was to deliver you to her with utmost care for your safety.**"** Please, enter the house over there.The quotation mark belongs at the end of the next sentence, not where it is right now.
"I am glad that you joined us, [name]. I was beginning to think you would not **turn**... this time."I'm not sure what word you're looking for, but I don't think "turn" is it.
"You really are a **smart ass**," says the demoness. "There is really no difference. But I guess I will save my lecturing on the subject. You will see for yourself or probably not. It all comes down to your choices. Now, I want you to take part of the invasion.I don't think "smart ass" is the right word here: it conveys that the person was being annoyingly literal or technical, usually, and as far as I can tell, my choice did not convey such. Furthermore, this needs a quotation mark at the end, after the period.
"**No, buts**! You knew what was going on here and you decided to come anyway."This should be simply "No buts!" without the comma.
"It makes no sense... **All this nightmare** can not be set up only because of me and the others. There might be thousand of people out there," you mutter under your nose.Awkward wording.
"It always makes sense to deal with those pathetic humans!"Awkward wording, not sure what this is trying to say.
She is dressed in black neoprene suit that **lives** you breathless. The ritualist did not **skipping** applying **make up**."Lives" should be "leaves", "skipping" should be "skip", "makeup" is one word.
"Are you sure the mistress seriously expects us to be stronger when this guy is around? That is pathetic." Murmurs the imp master.It should be '"Are you sure the mistress seriously expects us to be stronger when this guy is around? That is pathetic**,"** murmurs the imp master.' It would also sound better to not have the inverted word order of "murmurs the imp master" and instead put "the imp master murmurs", and furthermore, it might be better to just use "says": the mind skips over "says" and "said", and though while writing it may seem overused, while reading it is hardly noticeable.
With your **periphery** vision, you see the imp master and his minions.It's peripheral vision, not "periphery vision". This error occurs again further in, a simple find and replace should fix it.
You take your whip **put** and go berserk,Should be "out".
Now, she just won't listen to you.**"**This quotation mark is unnecessary.
"Then, maybe you are not as bad as." A sparkle of hope shines in Mercy's eyes.Not as bad as what?
"We are here to fight, not to carry out executionsThis choice lacks a quotation mark at the end.
"This is what I came for." The ritualist whispers, her struggling for each breath making her unable to talk.This should say '"This is what I came for," the ritualist whispers".
Bathe in your blood and seek the **one** of others!"One" doesn't fit here. "Blood" would work fine and sound fine, provided you changed "your blood" to "your own" blood. You could also add "as well" or something similar to the end.
I waited until now, **cause** I didn't want to interrupt your sleep.'Cause should have an apostrophe before it as it is a shortened form of because, or because should be used here. Furthermore, the comma before it is unnecessary and as far as I'm aware incorrect.
"Take your time, there is really no need to rush," says Mercy. "You will be in the church, won't you?" you inquire.After "...says Mercy." a new paragraph should begin due to the change in speaker.
Finally, there is the hot new number one - the thief.It says this but the options only include angel and demon. Is this intentional? If so, it should be more clear why I can't select it.
She then **win** 5 of the 6 next matches against real life opponendsShould be "wins".
Oh **myd** dear...Should be "my".
"Sure.**" "**I think you should show me the statue." you propose.The two quotation marks shouldn't be there, the period before them would be better suited as a comma, and the period at the end of the quote should be a comma.
"of course, don't be ridiculous. I am a priestess, did you forget?"Of" should be capitalized.
As she goes to the other room, you are pretty sure you hear her say *I also wanted to like me.*This should be a quote as it's still her speaking, italics are usually reserve for thoughts.
No sane **sculpture** would build a statue with such a weirdly placed centre of gravity.Should be "sculptor".
"So, the idea is somehow to bring the statue back to life so that she can give you the message again.This should end in a quotation mark.
"This seems strange to me but I guess how weird my prophetic dreams could seem to a normal person."This is awkwardly worded and there should be a comma before "but".
You suddenly feel cold ants crawling your spine.This should probably say "crawling **on** (or up) your spine".
The blade **rest** in her heart.Should be "rests".
"Have you met **other**?"Should be "others".
"Maybe we will see **other** down there."Same as above.
You try to get eye contact with her **but wouldn't** allow you.Should probably be "but **she** wouldn't".
I hope you will **leave** up to your promise.Should be "live".
"You can count on me." "I think we should go now," says the priestess.Should be two separate paragraphs due to the change in speaker.
"Mercy, what are you doing? Remember, you are a priestess, not a warlock. Your are supposed to be good at prayers, not bloody rituals.This needs a quotation mark at the end.
It knows you wouldn't let it happen, so **you** it doesn't dare.The "you" here should be removed.
"I still want to thank you," Sister Mercy smiles and touches your hand. "You have been there. What should we expect?" you ask the priestess.This, again, should be two paragraphs.
"**{name}**, believe me, your chances for survival alone are slim there."You forgot the $.
**I this** time it was no better but I will be fine.Should probably just be "This".
Attempt to control theThis choice left off the word "fireball".
I've never **though** I'd hear a servant of the Light like you praise the darkness.Should be "thought".
"I guess one can live **up** with it."Up"should be removed.
"No, this is only the beginning of a journey that will shake your understandings of not only me, but the world as well.Should end in a quotation mark.
We were brought up together in a pen, at least before each of us received **its** own mission.Should be "our".
Meanwhile, the **cannon** changed and I was able to get back to the church, which I did gladly.The correct word is "canon".
"What did they do to you, dear? Why?This lacks a quotation mark at the end.
"No... I can't" the priestess hugs her.The quote needs a period at the end and "the" needs to be capitalized.
"That friend of yours is supper funny... and cute too. Your doctors will have no clue how to deal with a creature like me. Most humans would be dead by know. On **he** other hand, I would expect some of their medicines to be lethal for me.Should be "the". Also, this also lacks a quotation mark at the end.
"What about the angel's prophecy? We were sent here to do something more important **that**... saving my sister's soul."Should be "than".
"What are you doing here Razor?"There should be a comma after "here".
But, you can't let Mercy down, you already promised her. * You go back to your world and somehow manage to get Kyla to the orphanage campus without drawing too much attention to you.Not sure what the asterisk here is for.
The GoatfatherThis shouldn’t be broken apart like this.
takes her situation seriously and his medical team manages to stabilize her.
"Just take a **gulf** right from the bottle. Thank you, Caleb."Should be "gulp".
"You hug the priestess and whisper in her ear. "If somebody should do it, let it be me. She looks at you, her bloodshot eyes full of tears and you almost want to cry as well. No, not because of how tragic the situation is, but because of how amazingly beautiful she manages to be.The quotation mark at the beginning should be at the end.
It **us** good that we managed to learn something from it,Should be "is".
You fail to **ammuse** me anyway.Should be "amuse".
You do so, trying to dodge the chaotic movements of the occasional patients you walk by, **wandering** what kind of a creature Shikishi **should** be.Should be "wondering"; should be "could".
"Her **souls**?"Should be "soul".
"Yes, this is just a storage room for all the humans whose souls were extracted in order to perform experiments on them. I presume you have it. Why else would you come here? "No, I am sorry, I don't have it.The first quote needs a quotation mark in the end and they should be separate paragraphs.
She cries out a **copyous** amount of tears.Should be "copious".
"Oh, that is great. I mean, the fact that you want to destroy a demoness. The angels wanted to do that too, and sharing the ambitions of angels is a good thing. I wish you the best of luck with it. I know the demons are the ones that created me, but I don't really like them." "Can you show us the fountain?" you ask.Again, this should be two separate paragraphs.
"I understand, you say as you pick the hazelnut up.This is missing a quotation mark before "you".
"Have I told you you are beautiful?" "Thank you, Caleb. I've been trying to lie to myself, but I have feelings for you . She presses her body towards you and you breath in a hint of her energy. You gently kiss her, your lips meeting for just a fraction of a second.This is missing a quotation mark at the end and should be two separate paragraphs.
The **wing** plays with her jet black hair, occasionally putting it on top of her lips or temporarily blinding her.Should be "wind".
1 Like
@fire, your help has been invaluable. Zillions of thanks for all the time you invested. I hope that you enjoyed the story.
The game has been updated again. The link is the same, I am just reposting it so that it is easier to find
https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/f3z2xr0h1y9mwlm/Dancing%20with%20Demons%2050k.htm?dl=0
Can’t believe I missed this.
"Forget about the fiction crap. The full transformation takes ears but the uncontrollable bloodlust is burning me from within. Avery, maybe you understand, being a {succubus}.
Just leave fot the graveyard,
Lauren amazes you. Her ability to ignore such a grave *would is… unnatural
Is it true, {name}?" she repeats her question
(Light increases by 3) page_break What would you ask Sister Mercy?
I’m pretty sure my gender changed in the middle of the game…
You can repeatedly go to the mother and girls room.
No option to recommend thief as a class.
Allow the fireball to hit you. You can take it.
Dodge. The priestess may still be able to respond.
Attempt to control the**
Use the whip to entangle the pipe above you and pull yourself up
“You just blew me a kiss. How can I not be *impress?”
Getting a whip increases melee but there is no stat.
1 Like
Would you like to say something to the Goatfather?
Ask him about his life before he left hell
Tell him about visiting Sister Mercy
Tell him about the vision Sister Mercy induced
Ask for healing
do the wip finish here or is a bug? i cant pass this. 
Game updated again. @anon4518890, my guess is that you are not using the most recent link, which is https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/f3z2xr0h1y9mwlm/Dancing%20with%20Demons%2050k.htm?dl=0
As a user, I myself find it hard to find out where to click to get to the most-recently edited one.
@Dark_Stalker, thank you (and a few other people who wrote in this topic). Writing this game felt quite difficult at times and I am grateful for all the support I got along the way.
The problem with the mother and girl room is that you can’t use selectable_if and hide_reuse on the same line. Maybe someone better with coding can propose a solution.
Sister Mercy won’t enjoy the thief class 
There is a stat for using the whip but it is hidden. I have to think about showing it into the stats section.
Is there a wau to make it so Lauren isn’t disappointed woth you coming out of the alternate universe?
"So you *cam here to save me?
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You need to stop her from becoming a reptilian / vampire and you also need 3 points of relations with her, so you need to be kind to her the first time you meet her (in the crypt).
So the only thing I need to do, is find out how to stop her… why can’t people be happy with immortality?