Simply put, I’ve finally decided to upload this old project after completely ignoring it for the past month or something. I actually posted a page off of this on the https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/share-your-writing/36110/35 thread while working on it at the time. Now that I’ve got some free time I thought I might as well post this on the forum to maybe like gain some motivation to work on it some more .
This is a passion project. I am setting it up to be an homage to some of my all time favorite JRPGs. Heck, even my title card is stylized to mimic the charm of some typical JRPG title cards. I honestly believe this is the direction I want to head into regarding this WIP. To be honest, I’m quite sick of feeling anxious about whether the WIP will blew up or not, I’ve been a long lurker here and I can say for sure that this kind of WIP isn’t what you’d call typical or some might even be disinterested the very moment they’re reading this. To that I say, screw it. I’m going to do what I like. I’m making this for myself so why should I even bother thinking about stuff like “Oh shit, how am I going to do the romance”, etc-etc. I think I’ve said enough, let’s just get to the juicy stuffs below:
Main Characters
Okay, this might sound a bit weird but the MCs’ going to be predetermined (ikr, what?). You might’ve thought something like “Oh well shoot its another female gender-locked game then. Neat.” Well… let me tell you that you couldn’t be further from the truth.
Yes its gender-locked. And YES there’s going to be TWO protagonists. A pair, male and female. The story would progress linearly with some chapter being from the one’s perspective and other chapters from the other’s. Let me introduce you to:
Yura (Female) : Yura is the summer maiden. The young teenage girl born with blazing red hair destined to restore warmth upon the world.
Ikki (Male) : Ikki is the mysterious boy encased within the ice throughout the demo in its current state. I would tell you about his motivations, but with the demo in its current state, I think its best to wait a bit for the story to progress before spilling the beans.
Setting
Imagine mad max 2015 with snow instead of the scorching desert lol.
I think that’s all I’m going to write today. Will definitely edit this in the morning and explain some other stuffs. I’ve got most of this stuff planned up and I’m sure sharing it with you guys will bring me the greatest of joy. It’s late in here and I’m slowly getting more and more sleepy as time goes on. I really really really hope you like what little I’ve got to offer so far on the demo. And please please please leave some like or feedback on anything regarding the WIP so far. At this point, even the smallest of feedback could really help as it shows that some people are actually interested in what I’ve got so far.
Hey there, congrats on posting your WIP for everyone to see! It’s a big step and I think you’re doing great!
I love the wry voice of the protagonist; it’s humorous and clever enough from the outset to be engaging without being hokey or cheesy!
When choosing to look at the things in the hideout, it was a little jarring to have the bolded thoughts about the legendary girl of summer/boy of winter suddenly appear before we even got a chance to look at the doll, murals, etc. The /diary entries page is very cool and clever, I love that game-like element to the story! (I love too that reading some of the diary entries can add more entries; it makes you want to read them all.) I do wonder if it should be called a “diary” (which I think of as recording personal thoughts) instead of a travelogue or field journal or something? Unless Yura’s thoughts will also appear later on! But yeah, I’m wondering if the bolded narration could be moved so that it doesn’t interrupt the narrative… maybe under the story book exploration?
I definitely see the JRPG inspirations here and I love it! The idea about journeying towards “Origin” to end the winter is so exciting and epic, and it immediately makes me want to read more! I hope you can update soon so we can find out what happens. Great job with this!
Some grammar things
“A kingdom where I’m the ruler and I alone is its citizen” should be I am alone is its citizen
" Well, aside from the echoing droplets falling on a rhythm and the occasional beasts growling here and there its quite calming," should be it’s
" The more I looked at it, the more I realized how bad my craftsmanship were at the time." should be “was”
There are some moments where the tense changes from past “I knew, I said, I thought” to present “I know, I think.” Just something to look out for!
Also, can I someday hire you to make banners for my game? This one is gorgeous!
Definitely agreeing with the others, that banner is gosh darn beautiful. But onto my feelings on the story, the teaser/demo is definitely good and I admire the voice of the protagonist. I’m really curious how you’re going to write both characters and do the differing voices. But I’m interested and wish you luck with this.
First of all, thank you for the warm critiques and feedbacks . I just woke up, and man does it feel amazing to have recieved such a warm welcome (Morning btw, if that is indeed what your current time as of reading this.)
Honestly, I didn’t expect such praise for my banner alone . @rinari Hit me up and I might accept the offer if I have some time to spare.
Glad you guys enjoy it!
Thats quite interesting, actually. Does it really bother you though? Because personally I find those bolded and italic thoughts fine as it is because it serves as the tease for the whole story to come . Let me see if others have problems with it and only then I might consider switching things up like you suggested.
Also, thank you for pointing out those grammar mistakes. I’ll definitely keep that in mind.
@Exeldgamer I can’t exactly pinpoint out the exact time period. But if you’ve ever watched some fantasy anime or even played some japanese rpg games, you’d definitely know what kind of setting and time period I’m aiming for.
There’s one last thing I’d like to mention. Personally, I think this is the biggest hurdle I’ve got to face regarding the WIP… and its the Battle system. Originally my plan is to code one that has roots on the rpg progression system with stuff like crits, status effect, random encounters, etc-etc. And now I’ve realized that its waaay to ambitious to do that. So I’ve settled on making one similar to the one in the HeroRise series where its just either attack, defend, or use some skill.
If possible I would really love it if you could help me with that. As far as coding goes, I think I definitely still have something to learn about.
My coding experience with CScript is great so far. Once you understand the basics, all kinds of crazy program ideas will come to the mind.
I’m currently working on this turn-based JRPG/CCG combat system. Not sure if it’s worth it at all with CScript being text media with awkward input for dynamic interaction, but the journey there is so much fun.
Hit me up if you need suggestions about that, or anything rly.
The demo is a great start to what sounds like a really unique story!
One small thing I noticed - there are a few areas where past tense rather than present tense is used. Imo, it will be better to use present tense instead to allow for a more ‘in the moment’ roleplay
In terms of gender-locking and two protagonists, a fine idea that worked many times before, here’s a question - do you consider allowing players a choice to settle for one perspective?
@Szaal This might be exactly what I need to polish the WIP. This thing about the battle system kept bothering me to the point where I’m stuck and couldn’t progress with all the story stuff. I would really appreciate the help if you’d like to! I might hit you up later when I need some help or maybe like to share my concepts and ideas.
@Cheion Again with the banner stuff! Not that I’m complaining lol.
Glad you like what little I’ve got so far. Try to keep in touch cuz I’ve got more where that came from.
Can you point out which part is it exactly? And can you maybe provide me with an example so that I can maybe work on it as I proceed with future updates??
@KJM I’ve never come across a WIP or a choice of games with these genderlocked 2 mc perspective. Can you give me an example of it? Maybe like provide me with the link to said games. It might come in handy for future reference.
I did. In fact, I think its going to be a lot more interesting than my idea of it being linear while switching between chapters. However, I’ve decided against it to avoid the complication it might bring along with it in terms of coding and the amount of writing that I have to squeeze out in total would approximately double if given each perspective has the same amount of treatment and attention to detail.
Who knows, really. For now, I think this is good enough, I’m new to this and my current goal is to probably just finish what I’ve started and start thinking about more complicated things later. That’s a really thoughtful question I enjoyed answering it, thank you.
Sure thing! I’ve used strikeouts and bolds at the tense markers
here!
It never occurred to me how quiet it is in here. Well, aside from the echoing droplets falling on a rhythm and the occasional beasts growling here and there its quite calming, to be honest. It feltfeels like home here. Even better than the actual place called home itself.
“Hey…” I thoughtthink aloud.
“It’s my birthday tomorrow. I thought I’d let you know about it… Mom cried and Father is being awfully quiet somehow. I don’t like it when they’re acting all weird like that. It hurts me when I think about it, a weird aching sensation around my chest. I wanted to talk to them but they wouldn’t let me. So I came to you.”
I satsit back, lost in the train of thoughts. “You’d listen, right?”
Thank you for the suggestion, I might keep that in mind as I progress through with the project. However, as of now, I don’t think I might want to change the past tenses in to present because its one of the things that I would like to push out to my audience.
The intention is for the reader to imagine the characters actually narrating through the story while simultaneously experiencing the moments being told. I know this is one of the things that are rarely found within the plethora of WIPs scattered around the forum. Even then, I still want to proceed with this concept simply because I’ve seen it done remarkably beautiful with some examples include the SoH and Wight king both of which are WIPs that I thoroughly enjoy.
I hope you understand, and I’ll be sure to keep your suggestion in mind as I progress through. Maybe one day, if more people point this out I might change it if the chance ever arrives. Thank you.
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This one is gorgeous!
Beautiful banner by the way.
. I just woke up, and man does it feel amazing to have recieved such a warm welcome (Morning btw, if that is indeed what your current time as of reading this.)
. 
. Let me see if others have problems with it and only then I might consider switching things up like you suggested. 
Not that I’m complaining lol.
