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Hi everyone. So this is the first time i’m trying my hand at choicescript. This wip is just a learning practice using choicescript and it’s multiple codes. I don’t really know if i will ever be able to see it to the end and hopefully publish it one day but i will give it all my patience and care.
Your past is a total mistery to you. You don’t know where you are from, nor where you where born. You don’t know who was your mother, the one who gave birth to you. You don’t know where is located your homeland. You are like a soul that lost part of it’s memory. It’s not really your fault. Your father don’t want to share a thing about his past or yours. As far back as you can remember, you have always lived with him and his men of the Wings Of Hope (The name of his mercenary company.) So your story commence somewhere in southwood, the border of two kingdoms. You made camp there with your father his men, a girl and another boy you rescued during a mission. The days went by peacefully till you were attacked by a detachement of soldiers accusing you of rebellion. You don’t know who they were. But your father seemed to recognize their uniform. Since then, your life changed forever. You found yourself destined for some great tale.
Since i’m not really the best so throw at me everything that you see worth mentionning. Even if it is not worth you can mention it don’t worry.
I like this so far, reminds me of Vinland saga.
Thank you ^_^. Vinland Saga, is it a game?
I think it is a Comic book?
I don’t know if it’s a comic or a manga, but there’s an anime. To me, it reminds more of the last Fire Emblem
It’s a Manga. The story combines a dramatization of King Cnut the Great’s historical rise to power with a revenge plot centered on the historical explorer Thorfinn, the son of a murdered ex-warrior. An anime television series adaptation by Wit Studio premiered in July 2019.
I did some research on the net and found out about Vinland Saga tough i don’t really see a lot of similarity unless the murdering things. Well firstly, The father will not be murdered he will die from a fatal wound after a battle. And second, there will be revenge on both sides the antagonist’s and the protagonist’s.
The main character in that game was a mercenary before becoming a teacher/professor at some sort of school. I haven’t played it yet but I plan to. I also love the concept. I’ve always been fascinated with mercenaries and one of my favourite games was Life Of A Mercenary
I like the game, it reminds me of FE 3 houses (and it’s not a bad thing, I loved that game!). But where should the demo ends? It keeps loading when our father say to shut up
Thank you. Actually, it’s where the demo end. I will update again as son as i have more content.
Yeah I was just referring to a kid being raised as a mercenary.
I look forward to some nice revenge
I liked it.
Strange word choice, nothing wrong with it, but you might consider using “dampened” or “wetted”, wetted is also not a commonly used word, but fits the sentence better than humidified.
Should be: “gave way to”
I’ve never heard this exact word choice used my entire life , consider changing to: “Is this where you were hiding?”, Or “So, this is where you were hiding.”, Or even “This is where you were hiding?”
“Here” is unnecessary in this sentence, my personal preference would be to remove it and have the dad simply ask us why we were hiding, since I doubt he really wants to know why we chose to hide where we hid over somewhere else.
“From morning to night” is not a complete sentence. If you remove the period before “from” and lowercase the “f” that will fix it.
“Since” should be “Till”
Behind what/who, should probably be “behind everyone” or “behind others”
“You’ll be” should be “you’re” or “you are”
Can be either: “a certain code” or “certain codes”
“I don’t plan on dying on the battlefield anyway”, you say.
“I don’t plan to die on the battlefield anyway”, you say.
“had” should be “was”
Never heard “grasses” before. If it’s a word, I don’t know what it means. Grass is the plural form of grass.
Probably should be “weapons” the way you currently have the sentence structured.
I’d replace with “the others” it’s not immediately clear who “them” is.
I would also go through and decided which tense you want the story to be in, past or present, currently you flip between the two frequently. This is, unfortunately, something I also suffer from when I write, and I’m a native English speaker.
I hope my wall of fixes doesn’t discourage you. I actually like what you have so far, and see this a great opportunity for you to work on your english. I know there is at least one author on this forum who’s english has greatly improved from writing these books. Heck, one book in and you could be better at english than I am, my primary language is hillbilly.
@Damar_Glover that where it stopped me as well. I think it’s where the game currently stops.
It won’t let me get pass the part where you meet the men who serve with your father for training is that intentional?
Actually, it’s where the demo end.
Thank you very much. I will try to fix all these spelling mistakes in the next update. If you are able to do that from time to time, it would help me greatly. My primary language is french, so i’m not the best in english. Thank you again
I liked it so far. I cant wait to see the next updates.