Where is Eliza (WIP - First Post)

[Avery_Whelan]

I’ve begun work on my new game Where is Eliza? In it, you play yourself trying to find your friend who has disappeared. Your decisions will genre and the outcome of the story, from comedy to fantasy, crime to sci-fi.

Currently it’s about 25,000 words done, and I plan on updating every time I have things to update.

To play the demo, go here: https://dashingdon.com/play/averyw/where-is-eliza/mygame/

I look forward to any and all feedback. I’m sure there’re a lot of holes in my writing and the plot. No bugs showed in the compiler but please let me know if you find any.

Thank you

[Cheion]

Hi! I’ve a question: is there a reason you did not use *hide_reuse for the locations page? As there are many places to explore, it can get a tad bit difficult to keep track of what was searched before, so I’d recommend using that too

For the bedroom scene, I think you missed out a *hide_reuse for the choice #Her diary. Being her best friend, you, of course, know where to find it.

Now I noticed that after we perform certain actions in a room, the text that appears when we first enter the room is repeated.

Here’s an example using the dining room scene:

screenshots

When we first enter:

After selecting the movie option:

As you can see, there’s a large chunk that is repeated.

To avoid thiz repetition, I’ve done an example using squiggly lines (~) to indicate the changes I made to your code:

code

*page_break
*label diningr
The instant you walk into the room, you see something out of place. 

A glass on the coffee table.

Without a coaster.

You hurry over and check the glass. The water is tepid and a ring has already formed and set into the dark wood. You wonder what could have pulled Eliza away that she would leave a ring on her coffee table. Your ear smarts in memory from the numerous times YOU have failed to use a coaster. A ring hadn't even formed before Eliza lunged at you.

That being said, it wouldn't necessarily take a deadly emergency to send Eliza skittering out of the house without at least putting her glass on a magazine or something.

~*page_break~
~*label diningchoice~
Is there anywhere else in here you'd like to check?
*choice
  *hide_reuse #In the couch. Something might have fallen into the cushions if she was in a rush to get up.
    You find a few coins and an old biscuit. Slim pickings in any case.
    *goto ~diningchoice~

Other things I noticed…

smaller stuff

from what I read, itseemed more like a connectivity issue than a battery issue

Sorry for this long post but I can see you’ve put in quite a lot of hard work into this!

[Joshua_Koch]

I have to say I really enjoy your writing style. It flows very naturally, which is a tough thing to achieve sometimes.

Very interested to see more in the future!

[Avery_Whelan]

This is great, thank you! The mistakes in the code are just inexperience; I learnt more about the code and used hide-reuse later but I’ve read the game so many times now that I just don’t see mistakes like these any more.

[Avery_Whelan]

Okay, took me longer than I thought but I’ve finally made it through the next round of edits. I’ve added a couple of thousand words and tweaked some of the branches, then finally remembered to update my post.

Thanks again to everyone who’s played and critiqued for me, it’s been very helpful!