Gray Valley (WIP - updated April 30th)


#1

UPDATE - 28/03/17:
This is not a big update at all - I’ve rewritten a couple scenes, and added more to the game’s intro, mostly based on your feedback. Also, post 38 includes a few questions I’d appreciate if you answered in case you’ve played the demo; it’d really help me with my writing.
Thank you for the feedback so far, you’re all great.

FIRST POST - 18/03/17
Hey, everyone. A month ago I shared my idea for a high school detective game, and now my (short) demo is done:
https://dashingdon.com/go/1238
You find out your friend Cecilia Richards is missing, and none of the adults seem to care; they’re just going about life like nothing’s happened. The only ones who do see what’s happening? The teenagers, which is why is up to you and your friends to figure out what is going on with Cecilia and all the grown-ups.
Please be brutally honest, and tell me what you thought of this demo so far. Also, I hope there aren’t too many grammar mistakes, but, since English is not my first language, it’s a strong possibility.
WARNING: there is some profanity, especially from the character Emilia. If you’re not comfortable with that, I wouldn’t recommend playing this!


#2

I’d like to see a demo made.

Even if there were others on the topic already made, your story very well could be unique and unique sells, cliche or not. Pun or not intended :wink:


#3

This sounds interesting. You should definitely make it a game. It doesn’t matter if it’s an idea that’s been done before, because the fact it’s written by you will make it different. The characters will be yours, the plot will be yours, and people will love the element of romance to it.

Have faith in yourself and write it! If you’re interested enough in something to write it, then there’s always going to be people who want to play it.


#4

Even if you fear cliche you have to understand that something is allowed to become such because it has artistic our narrative value. Even considering that, as Eiwynn said, your detective story will be worlds away from the one I would write. Many people, many writers even don’t think about it but when you spend enough time and energy on a creative endeavour it inevitably becomes you, or a part of what is you anyway.

But before I use the word process and have Vietnam like flashbacks to university let me just say that I love this premise. I love those kind of weird (occasionally cult-y) Nightmare on Elm Street cover up conspiracies, it’s such a good setup be it for YA fiction or horror our just a straight “mundane” mystery and yet people roll their eyes at it.

So yeah, get ye to coding :grinning:


#5

There are times I wish @FairyGodfeather would give @FairyGodfeather( the author) this very advise. I know there are many of us that would love the author to continue writing. :heartbeat:

Sorry for the derail. The advise so on point, I couldn’t resist adding my support to it.


#6

Sounds interesting i am looking forward to it


#7

You could make a character based on yourself. Since your native language isn’t english it could be the new kid in town or something! Maybe even include your own myths, legends, or folklore into the story.


#8

Definitely interested I’m always up for a good mystery


#9

The story doesn’t sound cliche to me, I think it sounds like a really gripping plot. I definitely think you should put together a quick demo that establishes the plot and introduces the main characters. Make sure the main characters are all unique and interesting and I think you’ve got a game that a lot of people will want to play. :blush:


#10

I’m always up for another detective story.


#11

Sounds good can’t wait for the demo


#12

Wow, thank you all for the replies! To be completely honest, I wasn’t expecting much of a reaction. Anyway, I’ll get to work right now - will post a demo in a while (no clue how long that’ll take, I’ve never coded before lol).


#13

Like everyone has said: go for it!!! [quote=“bianca_065, post:1, topic:23382”]
Well, everyone except all the adults - none of them seem to care or even notice someone’s missing (not even said friend’s parents!).
[/quote]

Also, is this key to the story like there’s a reason why the adults can’t notice it or is because the adults don’t care that the MC takes it upon his/herself to find their friend?


#14

Well, they notice the friend is missing, they just don’t care. They go on with their everyday routine and lives like nothing’s happened, which understandably freaks all of the teenagers out. Similarly, when any adult finds out MC is looking into the disappeareance, they just shrug.
Sorry for the kind of late reply, I’ve been learning how to code - surprisingly fun, but as hard as I was expecting! I’ve also been working out lots of details about the story. I’ll probably edit my main post sometime soon to add those in, since now I have the list of friends and a better grasp of the plot in general.


#15

Any chance of being a very intelligent, cunning and retentive character?


#16

Yeah, probably. As I previously stated, the game will be personality focused - meaning you’ll be able to shape your behavior through dialogue. A character just like how you asked would be possible.


#17

Sounds interesting just make sure to make you’re story unique in a way it can’t be compared to other ones like 6th grade detective just from the short intro you gave this has either magic or technology that or every adult has a bad case of amnesia/bad parenting but you could make it a more dark story you friend that only you and the other kids remember could be you’re imaginary friend who has disappeared you start to investigate found out that the school is actually a mental correction facility and that you and your friends are insane. Cough cough got a bit side tracked there but in short make it amazing and unique


#18

The adults could also just simply not care (well not all of them that seems improbable), be bad parents or under a chemically induced state. No need for magic or advanced technology, it’s quite simple with the right know-how (if the bad guy was a chemist of some sort or just have a thorough knowledge of chemistry and/or biology, it could be quite interesting, as he could easily kidnap your friends with a controlled substance or gas).


#19

If it was a chemical or gas that makes adults forget about them that would indeed be advanced technology but does not explain why only kids/young adults are the only ones who care about said friend it would be better to make it in high school were you are one week away from your 18th birthday so you have one week to find them otherwise you will stop and simply not care anymore


#20

I don’t know if the author meant that ALL adults in existence or something similar, don’t care about the missing persons, but I meant to imply that those who do know closely (relatives, family friends, etc.) them and do not care could have a simpler motive for not caring (they don’t like them, they could think they are just running away, or any other typical rebellious reasons (happens)) than a magical or very advanced technology. It would also make sense that most (not all) adults simply do not care about said the missing person. Although it would be interesting to see how magic would weave the disappearances into the story and justify all the adults not caring. I was just giving an alternative to explain the disappearances and the adults’ ignorance or the fact that they don’t care, using things I know exists presently and that would make sense without using magic/future. Even in a world with magic and creatures, it would make it interesting to use chemistry or other means to explain the disappearances and even more so if the person who kidnapped them is highly intelligent (if someone kidnapped them).

P.S. The chemically induced states I was referring to are part of modern medicine and aren’t considered advanced technology, at least not anymore.