Welcome to the Family: An Outcast's Beginning-WIP


#1

Um…Yeah. Ok. So, I’ve finally gained the confidence to actually try and make a thread about a game that I’ve been thinking about making for some time now. Basically, the premise is:

You play as a Saber/Sabré (Saber for male, Sabré for female), who has just woken up in a seemingly eery place with no memory to speak of at all. In a strange turn of events, you end up being taken in by a mysterious family who…well, let’s just say this: they communicate in quite an interesting way…
This family is known as the Valences. There are others in this odd place as well, which you will soon discover, but all with the same mysterious aura and off-ish behavior as the Valences. Not long after arriving here, you’re plagued with dreams-some horrible and haunting, some calmly sweet. But they all have one repetitive trait: the red-eyed child. One not you yourself, but another, one who is quite similar. And familiar. You don’t remember most of the dreams, but one phrase still stays with you: “Our lives are like a puzzle. We have all the pieces, but how will they go together? More importantly…what will the final picture be?”
And you can’t help but wonder how much of that may be true, especially in your current situation…

But you have a choice; what will you do now? Pursue a romance with one of the Valences? Try to discover the meaning behind your strange dreams? Unravel the secrets of this eery, new place? Insist on finding out who you were and why you were left here? Demand to know why everyone around you seems to be lying? Or will you try to do it all?
The choice is yours!

…Yep. That’s pretty much the outline of the idea…I’m not quite sure if it’s a good one, but, what the heck, I might as well try it out! I don’t have a demo up as of yet, but I will post it when I have it up and running. So far, I have basically everything thought out and will post that for the meantime, and if I create something satisfactory enough, I’ll post some pictures of the characters, too. :smiley: Just a warning, though, I’m extremely self-critical when it comes to my drawings.


This is what I have written for the introduction so far.
Intro.:

Pain.
Searing and burning, pulsating through your very being.

That was the first thing you remembered. Your mind still fogged and hazy, you struggle to open your eyelids.

At first, all you recognized was gray. Though, the longer you stared at it, it began to shift to the point where you finally realized that you were looking up at a faint gray sky. Dark, blurred smudges that speckled the gray sky slowly became clearer, turning into the dark forms of creatures--black colored birds that circled the sky above you.

Your mind process was sluggish, but eventually you came to a sort of conclusion to what you were seeing.

If there is a sky...there must be a world below it, you think.

Thinking this, you decide that there's no point in just lying here. You will need to move eventually, after all. You try to move your arms, only to find that this task would be much more difficult than you ever remembered it to be. It takes some time, but you gradually find the energy to move your body into a sitting position. As soon as you move, though, a painful aching throbs in your head.

Colorful spots dance across your vision and you vaguely register your hand moving to hold your head as it continued to throb with the unbearable aching. Little by little, it faded ever so slowly, until all that ailed you was a bothersome migraine.

You then decide to try standing up, since, after all, nothing could be worse than what you just went through, yes?
As you finally stand, you suddenly find the ground beneath you utterly useless as everything around you spins in a beyond dizzying motion. Just as everything before it, the spinning finally ebbed away, but only after you fruitlessly tried stumbling a couple steps in the direction that you were guessing was straight ahead. Then again, all that time you could've just been stumbling around in a clumsy circle, for all you knew.

You blink your eyes, forcing your brain to go into overdrive as you try to recognize the scenery before you. Perhaps it could help you remember what's going on.

Unfortunately, there isn't very much "scenery" to see, if you could even call it scenery. All you saw surrounding you were trees. Tall, thin, bony, leafless trees with branches that reached up to the sky like claws trying to rip apart the heavens above.

The ground beneath your feet didn't quite help, either. It was bare and dark-colored, cold and frozen.

There must be something here, you think in frustration.

This did seem only reasonable.
If there were birds, then there certainly must be other things, even in a God-forsaken place like this.

Having no other ideas, you decide to do the natural thing: walk until you find something.

You take a cautious step or two forward, testing your ability to move. So far, so good.
You continue walking, passing by the dead-looking trees, which were now fitted with the black colored birds who all stared at you in complete silence from their treetop perches. Their beady eyes bore into you, as if trying to undo the bindings and secrets of your soul.

After passing more trees than you could count, you finally notice that they seemed to be thinning out and clearing away. You quicken your pace, eager to leave the eery forest of dead trees and haunting birds behind.

You almost felt like crying out in joy as you take in the sight of a large house-a mansion. It was old, almost gothic looking. In front of it was a sort of garden, full of strange and mystical plants. Sitting on the unnaturally dark colored grass was a small boy. He couldn't be anywhere past ten years, you were sure. He wore gray clothes and on his head was a wavy mess of white colored hair. He was facing downward, staring at something on his lap, making it impossible for you to see his face.

This house, whoever it belonged to, could very easily be the saving grace you've been looking for. But you already knew nothing of this place, and for all you knew an even worse fate could await you in that old mansion. Debating all these possibilities at once, you decide to...

And that’s what I have of the introduction. It leaves off where you would make a choice to either go to the house, try to leave, or just stay where you are.

So, is this a good idea? What do you think of the writing? Is there anything that doesn’t make sense to you?

I realize it’s short, but I’d still appreciate it if you guys leave feedback :slight_smile:


#2

I really like your writeing style it’s a bit different than at least what I have seen here so far. You might want to break up the beginning with some fake choices so we don’t see one huge wall of text though.

I think the story line will be completely different than anything else anybody has made any progress on. Normally the physiological games don’t get as much progress on them, so it would be good to see one succeed.


#3

@Cagye_bee
Well, thanks! I figured I should do the choice thing at the beginning, but I wasn’t quite sure. Hm, I’ll figure something out.
As for finishing this, I’m darn stubborn so I’ll keep trying at this as much as I possibly can. Besides, I enjoy many of the character personalities so that’ll keep my interest in this idea for a good while, especially since I have a reason to work on this more now :wink:


#4

This sounds interesting :slight_smile:


#5

YAY! I can finally fulfill my childhood dream of becoming Wednesday Adams! Plus I love the style, it’s really different and has original stuff. Damn now I have to wait for the demo NOOooO! It’s always the good ones…

EDIT: I think the choices could add more in the beginning, (This is what I would do) but short ones like:

A dark howl breaks the atmosphere like a mirror.

You think about whether to try standing up, since, after all, nothing could be worse than what you just went through and you cannot be left like meat for the wolves,yes?

But you also considered the pitiful condition you are in, you cannot run around when you can barely think straight, you also consider whether your cries of frustration will attract the wolves.

You know that you must make a choice soon, as the shrill cry of the wolves doesn’t beckon too far…

I will walk it, I might be unwell but that does not mean I should lay around and become mince!

I will lay here, I cannot run around in such a state! I might be able to contemplate the world around me and figure out what is going on.


#6

@trollhunterthethird
Haha, thanks!
Hm, I see what you mean about the choices. Okay, I can make that work.
I’m not sure when I can have a demo out, but I’ll definitely try my best.
I completely agree, by the way…Wednesday Adams was always a huge favorite of mine, but wow! I never would’ve thought of that if you hadn’t pointed it out.

So, that said, would anyone like to see some character bios? And I’ll probably be able to get a picture or two up as well, since I already have the characters planned out in my head.


#7

Wow! I wish I could write as good as this. Practice makes perfect, I guess. :slight_smile:


#8

Yes please!


#9

This is makes me want to draw some fan-art.


#10

Ok. So, the Valence family is relatively…big, I guess? Not counting Mr. and Mrs. Valence, there’s 9 of them in all. But only 6 would be ROs, for certain reasons.

They are: Vessan (male), Allyne (female), Sorro (male), Marjoine (female), Derrin (male), and Raven (female).

Vessan:
Being the oldest of all the Valence children, Vessan is considered a bit more highly in comparison to his siblings, along with Allyne. Other than that, though, he’s actually quite a…frightening person. Not only is he very sadistic, but his moods also change drastically and he acts mostly out of impulse or on a whim. Either way, his siblings know not to try to cross lines with him…except for his younger brother, Derrin, who knows no bounds.

Allyne:
Allyne is very much a more respectable and admirable sibling than Vessan. That’s about as far as her virtues go, however. She’s naturally mean and a bit condescending in the things she says, but at the same time, she also knows when to and when not to speak her mind. Other than this, Allyne is much more refined and lady-like than her sisters, with a bit of a noble air to her. She’s known in the household for her delightful obssession with poison…which she almost always carries around a vial of with her. Out of everyone, she seems to get along least with Raven.

I dont have a picture of Vessan yet, but here’s a picture of Allyne :smiley:

I’ll try to color her in later, but if it means anything, I imagine her with fair skin, golden hair, and dark green eyes, wearing a dark green dress with black trim. And yes, in her hand she is hold a little vial of her favorite poison.


#11

Writing is very good and looks like a great game in the making! :slight_smile:


#12

@MPendragon
Thank you very much!
I’m glad to know this game idea interests people :slight_smile:


#13

Wow just saw the picture of Allyne. You’re great at drawing. I’m jealous. Lol.


#14

Haha, really? I’m always critiquing everything I do, so it’s hard to tell sometimes :stuck_out_tongue:
It’s the curse of being a perfectionist, I suppose.


#15

Very mysterious and something new. I love the idea so far, and I can’t wait to see a demo. Your drawing are amazing as well don’t criticize it’s brilliant. :)>-


#16

Permission to draw fan-art?


#17

Your art is really good!


#18

@trollhunterthethird
Of course you can! I have no problem with it. I’m actually pretty flattered you want to draw fan-art, so go right ahead. I bet it’ll look great.

And thanks for the compliments, everyone. Definitely feeling a bit more confident, haha


#19

Okay, bio. time!

Sorro:
Sorro is the most easygoing and laid back of everyone. He’s quite confident in himself, but not over-confident. He’s generally very pleasant to be around and could easily hold up his own in an intelligent conversation. Barely anything can ever affect or daunt him, and he’s usually found in the library of the Valence mansion. Though, whenever he can’t figure something out or can’t answer a question or can’t solve a problem, it usually bugs him to the point of irritability, so the household can always tell if something is on his mind if he suddenly snaps at anyone or acts very short tempered and annoyed. For some reason, he seems to have a distinct dislike of Tome (another Valence, but not an RO)…

Marjoine:
Out of all the Valences, Marjoine is the most timid and soft spoken, making it seem as if she may actually be the only benevolent one of the bunch. She prefers to keep out of the affairs of others and is the most helpful in terms of understanding her strange family. But, sadly, her kind and quiet nature makes her seem more unique which effectively makes her stand out more. This seems to be a concern of her siblings, for reasons unknown to you. She’s the most patient and sympathetic Valence child and would be the best one to go to for information or answers, other than ‘the knowledgeable Sorro’.

Here’s a picture of Marjoine:

I’m actually going to just make the pictures of the guys…well…most likely after I’m done drawing the girls. I’m better at drawing girls, so it usually takes time to draw a satisfactory guy.


#20

They all look so sad…
But still very good