West of the Setting Sun (please test WiP)


#1

Greetings all and what not from a long time lurker, short time member and first time poster… with a WIP no less.

Erm…

Not much else to say really except for hello, please test and feel free to let me have it with both barrels pardner! I won’t be offended and all criticism will be taken on board and used to make it better (or it will crush my spirit and force me to leave from here in a flurry of trolldom… who knows?)

Things to know before playing this…

  1. I’m no writer! Having to actually write the ideas from my head down and then actually see them on the screen… is very humbling. I have read much better examples of character development in lots of other works here and I’m too long in the tooth to do much about it any time soon… But I’ve tried my best! (p.s: this is not a plea for everyone to affirm me and tell me I’m a wonderful writer really… so please don’t!)

  2. This will develop in to a BiiiiiiiG project - at least the way I envisage it - So the story won’t start slap bang in the middle of a barrage of choices that give you no clue as to what is better/worse… but there will always be a chance to change them later so you can have fun with them - you can’t get them wrong the first time… or the second!

  3. I trimmed some plot in the middle of chapter 3 in order to get it ready for posting (Bonus points to those who don’t TLDR as they will work out why B**** is mentioned but V***** isn’t) so that is why you may notice a jump.

  4. I really REALLY try to playtest thoroughly so each it SHOULD be bug free… I also work hard to make the story flow - feel free to hammer me particularly on stuff like this (except for 3 that I have declared above) - I really hate stories that suddenly give random info where you’re clearly meant to follow a certain path and some choices are clearly fluff/filler and don’t link well when back on the main path.

  5. I have tried to be original/unusual (as far as I can tell) with the statscreen (another bugbear of mine - don’t ask) so keep checking it and see how it changes and develops as the game progresses.

  6. Much love!

David

Oh yeah… Almost forgot :"> here’s the link! ( http://db.tt/jpxdlVvz )


#2

Where’s the choices? I’ve yet to hit a significant choice. It seems to be all story.


#3

@FairyGodfeather

There will be some coming up - but there is a lot of story first … could be too much in which case I must trim and add it in stages later… but yes there IS a Prologue and an Introduction prior to Chapter 1!

I will add a jump ahead/save point later… as I said it is different to others!

(hopefully different != boring!)


#4

I’ll be harsh. It may just be that the style of writing is just not for me, and the setting isn’t either but I found the lack of interactivity, especially at the beginning, put me off. I read the first two pages and then I started skipping, trying to see what the point was and where I actually got to start taking action. The further I got into it the more I seemed to be there just as a passive observer and when the choices did start showing up, and I was forced to do everything, I was wondering why they were even there. It’s probably just now my thing since I’m not really into Westerns.


#5

@FairyGodfeather

No that’s fine - even allowing for style/genre I have wondered about the intro length - but Ideally I’d like to create something which has more story to it than just game per se… Writing style probably does need to be better (see 1 above) although skipping after just 2 (albeit longish) pages does seem a *bit* harsh… but then if everyone thinks its too long then I clearly need to liven it up a little!


#6

The prologue’s an info-dump; cut that and reintroduce its contents by inference. With the rest, make proper use of commas and semicolons, reduce connectors, use adjectives sparingly and edit the dialogue (the old saloon owner, especially) so it’s less meandering; those should trim it without sacrificing story.


#7

@ADNox

(The old saloon owner, especially) - is that the info dump in the prologue or the speech during Chapter one when he’s describing you?


#8

The latter, for that character.

The prologue isn’t even needed. Start where he wakes up; we don’t need all the answers before the story


#9

I agree with @Adnox I think the game would be far better if you just started it when we wake up. Let us catch our bearings at the same time as the main character is. Let us work out the setting along with them. Let us have to ask questions to see how we ended up where we are.

Also is there a reason you’re only allowing for a male protagonist?


#10

@ADNox

That’s a shame - I quite liked that bit. The character gets to describe your 6 stats in 3 different ways for each stat - and each bit flowed into the next… *sigh* oh well…

Did you get any further? (chapters 2 or 3? *preparing to duck*)


#11

@FairyGodfeather

Ah - the story is for a male protagonist… you follow his story and play as you see fit…

(spoiler alert - if I ever get that far / anyone ever wants to get that far which seems unlikely at the moment - later on there will be an opportunity to follow the story from a female protagonist’s point of view… there’s also another twist later but there’s probably not much point to go into it now)


#12

@nine Wait, there is a compromise here I believe. you could keep the prologue in but give a choice to skip it if someone is really eager to get it going? perhaps that may work?


#13

@2Ton

True - I have seen this on a number of different CS adventures…

I guess I’m wondering whether this is the old argument of… slow build up vs straight into the action… against boring waffle TLDR…

I suppose I’m no different to anyone here - we all hope to offer something new / something fun / something entertaining - don’t we?

For example - I’ve coded a poker routine (since I am rockin’ a wild west vibe after all) - but random characters play with you with different playing styles - they leave when they lose their money and others join you… all looping so you could play indefinitely (not that I’d particularly want that to be all someone does) but you have a game within a game… a minigame within a story… if your character wants to get rich then thats a way of doing it… and it isn’t your standard CYOA fare. (not that there’s anything wrong with that - I mean that’s what brought us here no?)

It isn’t perfect by any means… but it isn’t anything I’ve seen anyone do with Choicescript thats for sure so I like it as its different - However, if people never get into the world because of my opening then they won’t see it.


#14

@nine Does that mean you read my thread? :# and I’d read it slow or not thought I’ve never seen a CS story with such a long prologue(not a bad thing) besides one im working on XD there was another game with a pretty long Prologue and everyone liked it though few complained about the long start. I feel like people may complain about it but it’s more like a ‘half-complaint’ is the best way I can put it. It’s like a complaint that should be noted but it shouldnt discourage people from reading it.


#15

I thought the writing was pretty good. And I liked being able to change my stats a couple of times. Pretty good overall, I would definitely love to play when more is released.


#16

@2ton I’ve read with interest your “vs.” threads - lots of good stuff in there!

@Xt1000305 Thanks - I wanted to give people the option to not worry about how they’re building their character… I’ve played games where you have to choose your stats very quickly, when you’re not really sure what each one means or how it will effect the game in the future. In WOTTS, Pops gives you the run through, so you can decide if that’s the kinda person you want to be and a hint to how it will effect future choices, before saying yes or no. And anyway, what’s an “oops can’t remember who I am” game without the obligatory “oh it was all a dream” sequence… or two?

As an aside - did people head back East towards Needles or down South to Mexico? Both are quite different types of choices… it would be nice to know what people preferred!


#17

Mehico muchacho.


#18

@nine I was trying to go north… Then I picked going east on my first playhrough and south on my second


#19

why can’t I go north through Indian territory?


#20

@RoseQueenKamijo Only because it isn’t ready yet! It will be an avenue in the future - I would like to tidy Santa Catalina first… Eventually it will be free form so that anyone can go anywhere, more or less at will… emphasis on more or less to control some plot lines.

Being the genius that I am, I probably need to include a description/background/genre somewhere/sometime soon so that people can get an understanding before they look at the game! WOTSS is a bit cryptic on its own *doh*