Whoah, this is great stuff. There are not so much stats as Tin Star, and it has a well-used plotline too, no offense meant, but amnesia is a bit overused.
That said, it’s still pretty well-written for a CoG. There are a lot of fairly different plotlines and it promises to continue to develop in different directions. If I’m correct, this will end up branching into many, many branches to create a very wide storyline indeed.
Keep up the good work.
I love Amnesia stricken MCs
Classify me as TLDR… What I’m gonna say can totally be invalidated as I’m no fan of westerns. By any means of measure. Period.
The slow buildup is murderous for me. I’m not sold on soldiering through 20 pages of amnesia and hurt and confusion. And the payoff are minor choices which are bordering on criminally insignificant when compared to what I just endured. Then after that - a tiny bit more soldiering.
Having said that, thank you for being able to write sentences with punctuation and capitalization. I enjoyed that if nothing else.
A minor question I asked myself was why were some of the names in apostrophes? Once made sense - when describing someone - but they distracted me for whatever reason after that.
If you plan on having this thing be as big as I think you’re trying to claim it to be… something drastic will probably have changed on one of our ends before I look at this again.
Last thing is about the title… If you’re west of a setting sun… that’s technically a sunrise, isn’t it? Was that the point? I feel like I understand the punchline of a joke but I don’t find it funny.
Anyways, good luck! May you find your audience, even if I’m not among them, and know that you’re literacy was cherished. More than you know and more than I probably made it out to be.
@nine I enjoyed what you have written so far. I love western themed games and this one was very well done.
(sorry for late replies - been on holiday and a well needed break from all things interwebby!)
@Wyrmspawn Thank you - although WOTSS is no patch on Tin Star - I think AllenGies has done some pretty fab stuff there… hard to compete with something on that level! *sigh* Although - yes if it works out the way I plan, there will be LOTS of different things to do (so you can go hunting / do random missions / just wander about and meet people in different places etc as well as follow the “main” story) but with a big world you need to flesh out some ground around it… i think a better balance is needed at the beginning it seems!
@2Ton How do you know the amnesia isn’t a MacGuffin?
@Caddmuss No I don’t think it can be totally invalidated - you can hate the genre without hating either how something is written, or whether you like how the stat screens are designed. The start is action based… but in my plans there will be more variety however I wanted to put something out there - and haven’t really got to the bit where more stuff is showcased!
I did try to work on the writing - especially when following different branches (Santa Catalina particularly jumps about in different ways depending on how you play - especially noticeable if your character doesn’t know spanish - but I get that with the blurb at the beginning it makes it harder to redo even a little taster such as it is)
Yup I do need to change ‘Pops’ and ‘Coach’ and ‘Shotgun’ (and probably more!)… I think I locked down my style somewhere approaching Needles and then when on reading back the prologue and intro I realised it was a bit ropey and needed tidying up… but again I wanted to put something out there for feedback and had been working on it quite a bit already.
p.s: I’m not sure I thought about the title as much as you did! (sorry)
@Cloudian Thank you - nice to hear positive stuff - I expect you already know about Tin Star but @AllenGies has got something real good going on over there!
Welcome back Mr. Nine
Can I become the Last Kusagari from red steel 2? Just cause he was so badass and killed like 1000 ninjas and samurai with chainguns each day
Pssshh, I kill 8000 ninjas before breakfast…
Care to have a showdown 2Ton? Bring all the weapons you like. A mere mortal such as yourself will fall before my awesome godly wrath
@God_of_Demonz - Take care to not derail topics or bump them unnecessarily.
just bored and postin. sorry bout that!