Vampire House (Complete)


#1

This is a thing I've been working on for the last few weeks. Meet monster girls/guys. Romance them.

Here's a demo: https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/132442611/Vampire%20House.html

oOo

Some might have remembered me putting up a game a while ago that had rpg mechanics.

...This is nothing like that. I was struggling to make an actual game with mechanics and write a story, so I opted to write a Choicescript game that was just a story. It was going to be an epic, sprawling 100000+ words. It would be a tale of personal growth, filled with social conflict! But, then I quickly realized I didn't have that in me either.

And so I decided, "Screw it! I'll make a game where you try to hook up with monster girls. I'll throw some guys in too!"

Ultimately, I just wanted to make something small, and hopefully, fun. This thing will definitely be under 100000 words. It might be under 50000. It'll probably come down to how many romance options get added over the course of development.

I'll probably also give more customization to the character later. Right now you're just 'Alex', but I see a lot of people have a preference for customization of both gender and name, so I'll add that.

The demo hasn't been edited too much. I think I at least managed to kill the bugs, and obvious typos myself. I figured I should finally put this thing out here for public viewing before I get too far into it. The earlier I get feedback, the better.

So... If you have any feedback I'd greatly appreciate it.

Also, sorry for being so wordy in this post!


#2

I haven't finished reading yet, but the begining sounds interesting.

You said you will add a choice to choose your gender, which i hope you do because sometimes being genderlocked can be annoying- especially when it's not your gender.

Oh, and a small typo, on the first page: "Are still angry..." should be "Are you still angry..." when the mother asks Elizabeth.

Good luck with your game blush


#3

I like what you so far i can't wait to see the rest of the story


#5

I think this game has a ton of potential! However I found this error in the first paragraph.

"Her eerily pale skin matched her perfectly white dress. Her deep ivory hair contrasted the rest of her appearance. "
It should be ebony hair.


#6

Ehem, i will now follow the instructions in the book, author, GET A LEG ON!


#7

Vampire House
by Jesse Freeman

"I suppose your work here is acceptable," she said. "Well, that's one task down. You're halfway done for the day!"

"What?"

She smirked. "Oh? Surely you didn't that was it?"

last line there i belive should have a think inserted like so

She smirked. "Oh? Surely you didn't THINK that was it?"


#8

Haven't read the story yet but when someone says "picked at a piece of ___" it's typically used to show an emotion such as nervousness. Like your nervous so you only "pick" or eat very little of your food, for example smile


#9

Yeah... this was what I was concerned about. I should probably add that system sooner rather than later. The longer I put off adding customization, the harder it's going to be to go back and fix everything.

Funny story with Victoria. That was actually Elizabeth's original name. I changed it early on when I realized I had inadvertently copied it from monster high. I thought I fixed all those with Find/Replace, but I must have missed it. Thanks for pointing out issues in the story!

Thanks. I think I got confused about ebony and ivory since I always hear them spoken together. :blush:

You forgot the most important part!
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
(A man who throws chairs when he's angry)

I was really surprised when I discovered choicescript can handle displaying extended keys. Unless you guys couldn't see them, and only I could?

Thanks for picking up on that. :smile:

This. Yep, that's what I was going for.

...

Thanks for all the feedback everybody! (✿◠‿◠)
I've got a pretty decent amount of progress done on the next segment, so it should be out soon.


#10

It's a very intriguing intro can't wait for more get a leg on it 😋


#13

Quite an interesting story, and if you add a female MC then I'll love it all the more grin


#14

GET A LEG ON! (as per your instructions)


#15

Cool ,I was looking for a game like this ,the demo is awesome ,except for few typos especially in the scene in which the mc meets Elizabeth's friend .Is it possible to raise the relationship stats above 35??Eagerly waiting for the next update


#16

I liked the story and think it has potential
Good job


#17

You might want to think about seperating the story into more parts. The first text part (as in, the first screen before you hit 'next') is very long and personally, it makes me feel like being hit with a wall. It makes people (or me, at least) skim the text rather than read it.


#18

Minor update. Players can now choose their own name/gender. Typos fixed. Present/past tense errors fixed. Hopefully.

I tried to implement a save feature so people that have already played won't have to keep clicking through, but it doesn't look like restore_game is the right command for a password based recovery.

oOo

It. Is. DONE.

The short answer is... not right now, but it doesn't really matter.

Those relationship values are really arbitrary right now, and I'm still not sure how I'm going to make them work in the long run. There's still the possibility that they'll be tossed out in favor of some other system.

This is also done. For the prologue at least, not so much the rest of the story.

I was more focused on fixing typos/making sure the player's gender didn't conflict with dialogue.

I ended up having to make like a dozen variables for he/him/his/possessive-his/boy/guy. Thankfully the first person perspective meant this wasn't too much of an issue.

oOo

Thanks for all the feedback everybody! I'll continue working on the new file tomorrow.


#19

There's a minor grammar error when it says she "spend"several more moments it should be she "spent"several more moments instead


#20

When playing as a girl i got this typos, when the MC arrives at Elizabeth's house and she sees them:
She studied every inch of him- him should be her

Black hair, a little longer than people his age- his should her

"It's him." should be "It' her."

"Do you know him?" should be "Do you know her?"

He was just carrying my books- She was (when talking to Roxanne

"That's what girl do for their girlfriends" should be "That's what girls do..."

That's what i found so far. Also- is Matthew a RO?


#21

Thanks for catching those, Rebelgirl. Looks like I let a few slip through.

As for Matthew being a romance option.

To be honest, when I made him, it was mostly because I wanted a bit where his friends had a strong reaction to Alex(is) hanging out with a vampire, and I felt I was required to name at least one of them. Of course, I inevitably ended up giving him extra scenes, and I can see it's reached the point where he's definitely going to be an important character so...

I don't see why not. He's gonna keep showing up no matter what, and this is a romance game. No reason to waste a character.

I hereby decree that his name will be in the debug list by the NEXT UPDATE! щ(゚Д゚щ)

...even if there's no way to change his affection levels yet, and the affections levels are basically pointless right now anyways.

Also... thanks for catching that, Zeus.


#22

Got the next file out. It's about 2500 words give or take. Still haven't figured out that save system, but it's still showing the password at the end. If I get it worked out before my next release, you won't have to click through everything again.

Alex(is) now only has a mother, rather than two parents. I kinda suck at juggling large numbers of characters, so I'm trying to cut down.

I (hopefully) caught all the gender usage in the new file.

Malka is now a character.

Matthew has been added to the debug affection system.

And finally, the game world is opening up slightly, with the player being given more freedom on where to go. Pretty soon, Alex(is) will be able to actively pursue romances with other characters.


#23

"I believed her name was Elizabeth, of the Leavitt family" - believed should be believe
"my expression turning darker." - This is off as it makes no mention of your expression being dark prior to this statement, an alternative would be "my expression grew dark"