Twin flames has so much possibility. The biggest issue right now is that it needs to be edited by someone whose first language is English and I would like to offer my services. This story could be so much better: biggest issue right now is definitely the language barrier of whoever wrote it. I’m not saying it’s unreadable or that the person that wrote it does not speak good English, but from a Westerners perspective that has read perfectly written English in numerous books over the years this could certainly be better. This book is far from perfect, and I want to help make it better.
It would do this book well to change a few things. The biggest problem is the language, it just needs an overhaul. The story line is great but the language needs to be perfected, so that my immersion as a reader is not broken. Nothing breaks immersion like broken English. Please see this as someone trying to help, the language is the biggest barrier to this story being good, and sadly the errors are MINOR grammatical errors and some Improperly chosen words. To a person whose first language is something else it may very well be hard to improve on this, but someone like me could really help overhaul this story.
First thing is that I thouroughly enjoyed the beginning of the story with the male hero but the abrupt shift to the female was not good. I literally did not see it coming and it took a moment to catch on to the fact that I was now someone else. The story needs more description to ease you into the transfer from one person to the next. The story tends to jump around too much when the Abbot and the female shapeshifter meet, which can be distracting. I prefer the idea of having two distinct stories and think that may be the best way to go with this.
I would edit the writing and get everything in perfect grammar and perfect spelling before you create two distinct stories though.
Someone commented that the story should be changed and I really liked the thought they had. Rather than making the story shift from one twin flame to the other, it would be best to be locked into that person’s perspective from the beginning to the end.
So if you are the Abbot, your storyline begins in the village, with you being chosen to be the Abbott and your sent on the mission. Abbot makes it to monastery and then rather than switching, continue the Abbott’s story, a girl shows up who tried to steal her amulet back, and then when the girl does something desribe her actions from the Abbott’s point of view and finish out the story as the Abbot.
If you choose the female aspect, you grow up in the woods and are chosen by the great Wolf. Her medallion is stolen after she is instructed to go the monastery and make peace but instead she loses the medallion and runs away and the priest takes it for himself. She then goes back partially for the medallion and partially to attempt to make peace a second time. She meets herself in another body and then the story remains essentially the same except instead of being a follower of the light in the Abbott’s body, she is a shapeshifter or resurrectionist, and everything the Abbot does is described from the twins perspective.
The beauty in this is that it creates two story’s, two experiences which is essentially what a twin flame is. Two shoes, two feet, same path, same direction, beautifully united in Oneness. Don’t take the Oneness away by writing the story all at once! Give your readers a reason to read this story twice, so that we might walk in the other shoe so to speak.
First thing to do is get the grammar and words right, once that’s taken care of then get the perspective right, one shoe, one viewpoint, this in my opinion would dramatically improve the story.
This book deserves better, it needs love and should not be abandoned. It has so much potential, the story is really good, it just needs work and I’m here to help any way I can.
