Sword of the Elements. Beta testing!


Hello to all!! After two months since my game is published I finally decided to post it here for beta testing to fix all grammar mistakes I’ve got in the game. I didn’t find any editors and because of this I put it here. I really hope that somebody will help me with these mistakes. Currently I put first 5 chapters of the game. If it succeeds I’ll put the rest of the game here to fix grammar mistakes. Thanks to all who’s interested in this and who’ll try to help me with this!!!



@Dmitry Firstly, well done in writing a game that’s clearly not in your first language. You’ve done really well to get that far.

I really wish you’d posted here before you had the game published. Beta-Testing isn’t so much about fixing grammatical mistakes. (They can if they want to though). From just glancing at your game you’re in need of something far more and there’s no point in beta-testing until you can get the language fixed up.

I think you need either an editor to do some extensive work on the language, or maybe even a co-writer. I’d say ask for one person willing to help out. remove that public link and just send the entire game to them to go over and fix.


On amazon, all the reviews had bad ratings because you used past tense? (I think) I don’t really think it’s a big deal but it may be worth fixing.


@Dmitry Sorry I see you did post the game on the forums before release. Also if I haven’t said it before I think it’s incredible that you’ve written a game in a language which isn’t your native tongue. Then you’ve gone and had it published. That’s a feat many of us here haven’t accomplished.

@anon48296871 That wasn’t the reason for the bad reviews. The game’s language issues go beyond just using the wrong tense. I’m not saying it’s beyond hope, far from it, but there is a lot of awkward wording.

A single editor is likely far better in this case than a handful of beta-testers. One person editing will at least ensure a far more consistent style. But the game’s long. This is a lot of work to ask someone to do for absolutely no compensation.

@Dmitry I take it you can’t afford to pay for editing work? I know a lot of people can’t, hence why we ask around here instead for others to help us.

Do you have any friends who’re more fluent in English (I’d say who speak English as their first language, but there’s some ESL people on these forums, who’ve made games, who’re far better at the English than some of us native speakers) who’d be willing to run over the game?

Or, if you don’t get any interest here, you might consider asking around on writing forums other than Choice of Games for assistance. Since this is the only forum I’m currently active on I’m not sure of where best to suggest. Most of these places seem to expect you to actually contribute to the community.


@FairyGodfeather Firstly, thanks for your answers. And reagrading your questions… Yes, I’ve friends but they don’t speak in English so good. Seeing these replies I guess I have to try to find an editor again but I live in a country where people speak mostly in Russian and Uzbek languages only. Because of this it’s quite hard to find good editors that know English really good. So, I’ll try to find someone again. Thanks for your suggestions!!!


@Dmitry I spoke with a friend of mine last night. I know he has some experience in doing paid editing work for some Russians who write in English. While I don’t think he speaks Russian, he is aware of some of the pitfalls that some native Russian speakers have when writing in English. (I know you’re in Uzbekistan so I’m not sure if there’s similarities there) I was asking if he knew anywhere you could go to, online, for free help. He didn’t know of anywhere, but he’s offered to have a look at a couple of pages of your story for free and provide some general advice on writing in English.

I sent you a private message with his email address if you send him an email the two of you can talk.

He’s never actually worked in interactive fiction before though.


@FairyGodfeather Wow, thanks!!


@Dmitry I love editing and I would be happy to edit this for you totally free of charge, if you’re interested. As I’m moderately new to this forum, I don’t know how to send private messages, but you are welcome to private message me.


Hello to all! Well, I have to tell that I decided to not wait a help from somebody and tried to correct my game myself. Now, I’m suggesting you to try the first chapter below. Are there still many errors or not? I really want to know about this. Try to play it. If there are still errors let me know please.

The Sword of the Elements

Hi Dmitry, I’m going to give it a try and see what I can do! I’m not a editor myself, but I am a native English speaker who enjoys writing in his free time.
Anyways, I do believe this will be an amazing game once everything is fix up some. :slight_smile:


Great! :smiley: I’m glad to see this finally resolved. As soon as it’s been edited, I’ll finally read my copy.


@xNaomi Many thanks!!!


Is it possible to remove it from the Apple Store until it’s finished? I just bought it and wishe Id waited until it was edited because it’s not really playable as is…


I can see that the last link I put here was viewed 54 times. Nobody wants to tell me about grammar errors? I tried to fix it myself. Tell me somebody where are errors there if they exist, please.


I see that you’ve got multiple offers from people to personally edit your work. Have you not taken advantage of that?


Well, I’ll tell you what’s happened. Firstly, thanks to @FairyGodfeather, you helped me to contact with a man that tried to help me only once. Now he doesn’t reply me. Secondly, thanks to @owedwards. She also helped me and I appreciate it but I can’t work further with her because she’s not able to edit the game slightly quicker. The game is really huge, it’s impossible to edit it quickly of course, but I wanted to finish to edit it during a month. Thirdly, I sent to @xNaomi a message but there’s no response. As you can see @Samuel_H_Young I didn’t receive a substantial help. And because of this I still ask people about helping.


@Dmitry My friend’s had a number of personal issues that he’s needed to deal with.

If you’re not willing to pay people then you’re going to have to be patient and allow them to help you on their own schedules, not yours.


@Dmitry I just sent you a message Dmitry, and I will try my best to help where I can, but as I said I am not a editor in the least, and I can only do what I’m able to when I have time. Once school starts up again, I won’t hardly be able to get anything done. So, like what FG said, I hope you can understand because I’ll be doing this in what free time I’ll have. :smile:
Also, sorry about not replying sooner, I rarely check COG forum. The only time I really come is to check on how games are going and what new ones will be coming.


Hello to all! Sorry me please for my long absence. Just I’m so busy last months, I have to train to an university. So, now I found some time and want to tell that I will suggest a modification to my game in about a week (or two) to HG. I finally decided to review the game myself, using grammar tutorials, so, I guess it’ll at least minimize errors in the game, making it more readable. I also deleted all repetitions, added something new in the game. Hope it’s a good step in improving the game.


Even though I don’t find a use to the curtain option, after a brief glance i noticed that the first option says what the other options normally state at the beginning of clicking the choice, whereas the fist option curtain thing states this after telling us which colour the choice represents.