I can’t tell you how many times this happens to me, too, lol
Thank you very much! (:
Also I have to say… um… holy shit the convo with grandpa and MC2 was so PAINFULLY real. I have a lot of privilege in my life, and I totally recognize that, so I’m not in MC2’s exact position, but I’m Hispanic and I’ve encountered this exact convo when meeting friend’s parents for the first time (I used to live in a slightly conservative almost all white area).
And it’s so freaking awkward because if it was a stranger on the street saying these things you’d call them out or not let it slide, but if I’m a guest at someone else’s house, and they’re feeding and clothing me (especially when I was younger), you don’t want to be rude so you just… take it.
I thought those days were behind me lmao, this brought it RIGHT back. And I mean that in a good way. As an adult, And someone who could just go get a hotel if I felt uncomfortable at someone else’s house, it’s easy for me to just think “tell off the old man!” But the way you wrote it really put me back in the shoes of a young person dealing with racism from someone in a position of power like this. You completely nailed the “ostensibly well meaning, but actually incredibly demeaning and racist” vibe that the grandpa has.
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So uh… is there any way to actually get into SRU? Because I’ve restarted several times, been kind, cruel, indifferent, been traditionalist and radical, no matter what I always get a passive aggressive rejection…
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I get where you’re coming from, but imo it’s because he doesn’t really want fun facts, he’s treating 2MC like an exotic creature at a zoo. If 2nd MC says “my world is a lot like yours,” the text literally says that the duke is incapable of understanding it. He doesn’t want real stories, he just wants to have his preconceived notions fulfilled. I’m sure he’s already bragging to his “”"""“liberal”""""" friends about how he took in a “noble savage,” kid. When I greeted him politely he did the whole “whoa!! I’m surprised you’re so eloquent! You’re one of the good ones,” lines. Another movie with a lot of great but even more subtle moments of racism is the movie “Knives Out.” While these 2 movies and this game are WILDLY different story types, they’re all grouped together in my mind for tackling the issues with “well-meaning” “”"“liberals”"""
Though it might be an interesting option to have, cause it’s another moment where the 2MC has to experience racism and microaggressions. But then again, the whole meal we shared together was already full of them. It kind of reminds me of the antagonists’ attitude in the movie “get out.” (pre murder stuff ofc). But that took place in modern day, so the examples, while plentiful, are not as obvious as the ones here.
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Also does chapter 2 end right when MC1 arrives at information post 7R1?
Because that’s when I start getting the infinite loading bar. Is there no page indicating that we have reached the end of current content?
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This story is kind of great… I’m not in love with chapter 1 but chapter 2 is so good, really compelling and I’m super excited for more mc1 x mc2 interactions.
Please forgive the terrible formatting
Mostly Subjective Stuff About the Writing
The writing often falls into third person omniscient/head hops. (which in my opinion doesn’t really work with second person pov) This is particularly present during character introductions, where we learn things our character really shouldn’t know ie. When he speaks about things he is passionate about, though, his eyes fully open and he looks much more approachable. this and the sentence before it imply a lot more than we should know having just seen him for the first time, this repeats for almost every introduction (of a major character).
This is also occasionally present in a form like this: . He is tired of defending his reputation, though, and exits the party room after small talk inevitably resumes. (which presents from inside grandfather’s head) easily changed by doing something like "Seemingly tired of… he exits.
(that’s pronounded mai-oh-pee for everyone unfamiliar with Ald Mainlander): pronounced. I would suggest exiting quotations and saying it like: “Myope.” He plays up a mainland accent on the name, enunciating the syllables, mai-oh-pee. “Now.” since he’s speaking, and it maintains immersion
Which leads me to my next comment/question
I’m very unsure about the narrator in this, it’s most often presented as the mc being the narrator (or at least, most of it is inarguably from the mc’s perspective) but there’s a few asides (like above) that suggest it could be an attempt for an external narrator (like in the library) rather than just mistakes
I do think the descriptions are interesting in their neutrality and occasional backhandedness
… to… to add the burden of guilt to your own shoulders… missing quotation (same on the second to last paragraph on the page. it seems to be repeated often, when one person is talking, paragraph breaks end without quotations but the paragraphs beneath them open with them)
also, would benefit from something like “killing,” he pauses, fervor turning into a quiet intensity, “killing is the true test.” As it is, there isn’t a disconnect form the exclamation points and perceived volume of the earlier paragraph.
Responses/thoughts I think would be cool/ would like to see
During Laz’s story I’d like a response/thought were the mc is upset Whitaker didn’t outwit Myope (I’m trying hard to play a cunning/trickster mc)
It’d be cool to be able to lie about your motivations for things in some cases (like why you accept going on the expedition)
(I cannot do screenshots so if you would like clarification I am willing to provide)
Typos/other things
(that’s pronounded mai-oh-pee for everyone unfamiliar with Ald Mainlander): pronounced,
"Whitaker grinded his teeth at their doubt, ground
The old woman at our brother’s apartment’s speech is very fatiguing to read, (actual headache) although it is admittedly amusing
Or… excuse me, the youngest legitimate heir. suggested change to Or… well, or just well…
(because the narration refers to itself as a separate entity)
Yes, as you say, of course! It’s admirable that you’ve maintained such a positive attitude, certainly. Pesky unestablished external narrator strikes again
“I’m sorry you weren’t allowed to enroll officially…” I respond regretfully.
“How dare they reject you! Someone ought to do something about it!” I reply angrily.
“Maybe it’s for the best that you aren’t official students…” I offer.: You can choose all three of these, which is a little odd
I guess I was wondering why everyone was standing around…" I mention. This choice is infinitely repeatable
(misc stuff)
I’d never support the Sovereignty but it’d be cool to support the radicals from a more cunning/self-serving angle (while still believing in the cause)
I wanted to mention that the deer-people’s perception of time is literally the coolest thing, like, ever.
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Thank you for the kind words! Yes, my intention with scenes like that is to not shy away from things, even if it is uncomfortable to face.
If you are a traditionalist, isolationist, cis-gendered MC1 who has a good relationship with their father and a poor relationship with Laz and/or Belvidere, then you are pretty much guaranteed to get into SRU.
Alliebee hit the nail on the head. There’s another scene in chapter 1 where MC1 can go up to MC2 and ask them about their culture/people, and their response is initially some variation of: “Wait… You mean, like, everything?” That dialog option and Abner Sr.'s similar assumption that any “exotic” presence would be as interested in sharing everything about them as he would be listening to everything about them are meant to betray his/MC1’s (potential) fundamental conceit. He (and potentially MC1) sees nothing presumptuous or harmful about treating MC2 as a spectacle or object of study and not a person.
It’s not always immediately obvious in the narration because I can be ironic and humorous about it, but I try to show his inability to even conceive that his way might not be the only way. Pay attention to how Boaz and the narrator characterize him versus how Abner Sr. characterizes himself and you’ll notice what I am getting at.
Yes, that is correct. The infinite loading bar is there because the scenes file with only chapter 2 and not any segue into chapter 3 was overwritten when I had to go back and do some fixes. As a result, the game is searching for a “chapter_3.txt” that is listed in the startup file but doesn’t actually exist, yet, because I haven’t finished it.
Thanks!
The narrator is omniscient everywhere except when they/I could not possibly know something, i.e. if there is a choice block and there’s no way of knowing which option the player picks and I obviously cannot intuit their choice to write a lead-in to the prompt.
Fixed! It should go into effect in the next update.
The parentheses are there to indicate that Laz, who is still speaking, has switched his tone into more of an aside detached from the main parable.
This is how one indicates that the same speaker is talking after a paragraph break. I, personally, use it to show that they’re moving on to another topic or just to keep things orderly. It’s easier to read when someone is talking for a while when it’s broken up into paragraphs rather than in one big wall of text.
I’m afraid I don’t quite understand. Laz is still meant to maintain his volume/momentum until he gets to the “… to… to add the burden…” part of his speech.
The Sovereignty is so into “might makes right” that Whitaker’s solution is supposed to be him outwitting Myope. There’s a lot of irony and (intentional) mystery about Whitaker. In all their mythology, he is supposedly this clever trickster figure. This clashes somewhat with the ruling powers’ assertion that one ought to bulldoze over everything they conceivably can to “uphold the Natural Order”, so one can imagine that the Hierarchy of the past wasn’t above… “embellishing” some parts of the Heroes’ stories.
This was intentional – I wanted to get across a sense that you were reading something more old-timey.
Yeah, that’s a consequence of you needing to prompt Freeman about the Icebreaking and also that ChoiceScript doesn’t allow all options to be conditional in order to prevent errors. There’s not really anything I can to about it, so I would say just ignore it.
That should be fixed in the following update, as well.
You will certainly have that option. Laz will probably respect you for it, actually.
Thank you! It’s a bit of a challenge to write, but very fun!
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Okay, at the time I wasn’t sure if he was saying it or the narrator was, although I still don’t think it really works since he’s already speaking, his audience has already heard how Myope is said so I don’t really see a way for him to explain how Myope is pronounced as an aside.
Initially I admittedly thought that this was weird and silly, (I wrote the feedback as I read along) but I think this works really well in the second chapter when mc1 and mc2 are together, for helping us remain connected to both of our characters at once.
I know, but without something like
this
everything that they are or ever would be… to…“, he pauses, fervor replaced by a quiet intensity,” to add the burden of guilt to your own shoulders…
Otherwise there is no indication, that he changes tone or volume. The ellipses only indicate (for me, at least) that he maybe stumbled on his own thoughts for a second before picking right back up.
Haha, to clarify, I was hoping for a disappointed option that was more, “I thought Whitaker was more cunning than that” rather than being upset he killed Myope. 
Do the sigils/blessings mean different things in their respective cultures? Like the raven is mysticism and ill omens for a noble house, but acts of great healing for a deer person.
Thanks for responding, I learned some stuff I didn’t know!
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Yeah, I think that’s more a case of the same words being read differently by different people. I meant it to be him becoming more contemplative, but your interpretation is totally valid, too!
If he were, the Hierarchy and Sovereignty would never admit it. (;
That’s right! The seal beasts of the Sovereignty’s noble houses, in general, have more negativity associated with them because they are sort of a legacy from a time before Whitaker’s unification and thus before the “Natural Order”. It is heresy to regard things as representations and/or guardians of a given house because doing so is seen as something an “inferior” culture would do.
You’re welcome! I’m always happy to respond to any questions! (:
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Oh, that’s interesting! I always interpreted it in the same way as Icaro! I never even considered it might be something else, but I actually think it fits the scene.
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On that, how big a role does that actually play into our characters personality/skills(?)? There seems to be some implication that it might come into play, if it does will there be a difference between mc1 and mc2 if they have the same beast?
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One thing that struck me in this game is how the narrator (the objective truth in the game) comes across as very subjective and opinionated. In one passage the people who come to view the King’s ice-breaking ceremony are described as “dogs running for their master”. Not by any of the characters (some of whom would obviously feel that way) but by the narrator clearly expressing the writer’s own opinion about the scene. That, and other such statements of truth, feel a bit too “on the nose”. Clearly the story is meant to convey the moral values of the autor, but a better way to do that would be to “show, not tell”.
So the Sovereignty is evil and loyalism is the evil path. Well then show their evil actions so the readers can make up their own minds, then “the voice of God” doesn’t have to tell us how evil they are. Since you already show the flaws in the settings society your point still comes across regardless. It just comes across more as a fact and less as an opinion.
The tone of the story makes it seem like there is only really one viable path trough the game and that the traditionalist one will inevitably lead to a “bad end” where our character ends up defeated even if their chosen side wins. I get the feeling we’ll end up a broken, hated and impoverished wreck of a human (or non-human) being for going against the authors own Natural Order.
Even so, I enjoyed playing trough the game so far. If I hadn’t I wouldn’t have given this feedback. I apologize if it comes across as rude, that was not my intention.
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It has a few effects, but nothing so major that you cannot be a boar-like character if, for example, your house’s seal beast is a raven.
It will be mentioned at some point, and they’ll probably get the chance to bond over it and/or at least discuss it.
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Yes, this is true. I’ve tried to be very obvious that the narrator knows everything other than what the player does/is going to do. Note that at no point does the narration tell you you’ve done something/present your actions in a certain way without checking your past actions/stats to see if it makes sense. Actually, a lot of the narration changes according to your player character’s personality stats. A traditionalist MC1 will characterize the Sovereignty’s conquest of the Colonies as “righteous”, for example, where a radical MC1 will call it “tyrannical”.
For certain definitions of “evil”, yes.
Forgive me if I’m misunderstanding, but these two sentences seem to contradict each other the way I’m reading them. Are you saying I have or have not shown that what the Sovereignty does is bad?
Some of this is intentional. When your character is thinking to themselves, the narration checks against their personality stats. When it’s just the narrator talking, because the narrator is not a character, there isn’t any stat-checking, so it’s just me, basically. Do you have any examples that stood out to you as “preachy” (if that is what you’re saying – I don’t want to put words in your mouth but I also don’t know how else to describe what you’re pointing out)? For the most part, I’ve tried to keep things as objectively subjective as I can, if that makes sense. Most of the world agrees that genocide, slavery, and things of that nature are evil.
This was never my intention, even if you may have noticed me saying here and on other platforms that siding with the Sovereignty and/or doing all the evil things they sanction and require you to do to side with them will inevitably result in negative consequences. That’s still true, but the consequences don’t necessarily have to be of a personal nature. You could potentially end up sitting pretty in a high position in Society, but did (or willingly ignored) a lot of terrible things to get there. In that case, a “bad ending” might not be a “bad ending” for the player character, but still a “bad ending” as a whole. You also shouldn’t expect a high status or powerful allies to free you from all consequences. If you’ve constantly abused and taken advantage of people, don’t be surprised when there are suddenly a lot of daggers pointed at your neck.
Likely not “impoverished,” at least… Though I guess that depends on how you’d quantify wealth and power (land, precious metals, allies, weapons, slaves, etc.)… You can be broken and hated and still end up “winning” by certain metrics.
Thank you – I’m glad you enjoyed it!
Not at all! I always like reading any feedback anyone has! (:
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I’ll admit part of me is actually curious of the traditionalist route because of the possible consequences. But I wouldn’t be able to bear with playing such a character 
By the way, will a radical MC1 finally meet the traditional-locked RO? As an enemy, I’d assume, but still.
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Yes, though it will undoubtedly be very surprising (even for the rest of the radicals!).
EDIT: “Yes” both to meeting him and him being met as an enemy.
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I’m saying you have shown the Sovereignty as being evil by showing their evil actions (which are more apparent in some paths than others and could perhaps be shown more to make them more obvious), so you don’t have to call them evil directly. Telling when you have already shown is redundant and comes across as a bit heavy-handed. Sorry if I was unclear before, foreign language etc.
In the passage I mentioned about the ice breaking ceremony it is the narrator (not my traditionalist character) who is calling thousands of people dogs for wanting to see their king. A radical mc would possibly agree but in this case it was clearly not the MCs opinion but your own.
There are a lot of other instances but that felt like the most obvious one. Troughout the game the narrator calls the Sovereignty value-loaded things like “oppressive” “exploitative” or “cruel” etc. wether or not our character would hold those opinions. When our own characters voice comes across it does reflect their stats, I agree.
And I also agree that genocide and slavery are evil. They certainly are from my point of view as well as your own. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that the narrator, the disembodied voice that describes the world, would find them evil. Evil is defined by people, but the typical narrator in fiction is not a person and does not posess any morality. They simply describe the world objectively. That’s not to say there is any right or wrong way to write fiction, it’s simply a matter of taste. Wether or not there is such a thing as an absolute objective morality is a philosophical question and probably too complex to discuss here.
That seems more like punishing stupidity than evil, so that’s reassuring. As long as the evil path is not made inevitably self-destructive. If would feel a bit bad having played trough a whole game only to have the ending basically tell you that you played it all wrong. But successfully playing as an evil SOB and attaining the goal such a person would want (even if it comes with a bittersweet price) would make the playtrough worthwhile.
edit:
I’m also wondering how to successfully perform the survey as a loyalist during the expedition. All the “evil” options were grayed out, so my character only had the options to sabotage the survey or basically wing it by telling the sovereignty things they already knew. My character failed to gain the cooperation of the frontiersmen so couldn’t make any progress that way. (btw. can we report them to the “gestapo” for obstructing the survey and associating with rebellious elements?)
I did play with a high kindness stat, because I wanted to role-play a polite noble gentleman and not a spoiled brat. Was I being too nice?
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It’s fine! I understand what you’re saying, now.
I think there is just a difference between how you and I define objectivity. I would, personally, define the narrator in These Reluctant Years to (and you’re correct that it perhaps deviates from the norm) be an objective speaker when they use words like “oppressive” and “exploitative” to describe the Sovereignty and its actions. I suppose I believe that there aren’t any situations where the things they do cannot be objectively called those things, because the things being describes as “oppressive” and “exploitative” are, again, things like genocide (cultural or otherwise) and slavery.
Maybe not inevitably self-destructive, but it is inevitably destructive, in general. Choosing to perpetuate the systems of classism, racism, sexism, religious oppression, slavery, etc. that the Sovereignty has run on for centuries will inevitably result in destruction to something or someone.
Only by the ways you listed in the following sentence. Prudence told you before the expedition began that you wouldn’t succeed if you didn’t make an effort to be nice with her squad, which was kind of my way of hinting to the reader that on the Frontier you can’t really survive as a lone wolf.
Yes, if you side with the traditionalists/Sovereignty.
Perhaps, if you were trying to successfully complete the Sovereign’s mandates. There really isn’t any way of doing that without exploiting/manipulating people into telling you what you want to know with the character you’ve described, because none of the Frontiersmen are idiots and they won’t just tell you something if they don’t like you enough.
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it’s been a while since i’ve revisited the demo, and i have to say that i’m loving it! i love the differences between mc1 and mc2 and i definitely enjoyed their character interactions. will do another playthrough just to see them on opposite sides of the spectrum.
and while i’m at it…
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That’s what I figured. And I assume they do not like my MC because of his stats, because he was polite and accepting (for diplomatic reasons) to the frontiersmen in their conversations, even with Lord Arsh (who made me chuckle a little). He was only rude to the wildwoman who insulted him first, so maybe that was my mistake. I didn’t think that would sour relations with all of them, though. I still managed to befriend the commander of the unit.
That makes me wonder which stats our characters need to gain the cooperation of the Frontiersmen.
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