The Witch of Reimden (WIP)


#1

First of all, I would like to thank you all for your interest.

This demo is the first chapter of my novel, The Witch of Reimden.

Link: https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/shzblyrjksyho92/The%20Witch%20of%20Reimden.html?dl=0

This story is set in a world which resembles the medieval Northwestern Europe around the 10th century, and it is the story of a rural landlord’s young heir, who tries to save his community from a sinister witch.

The protagonist of the story, Gert of Reimden is not a superhero. He is just a landlord, an educated fellow, that’s true, but still not a hero. He has his merits and faults. Your choices in this first chapter determine his abilities and your options to solve problems and mysteries later in the game.

Please note that there is no option to change the gender or the sexual orientation of the protagonist. This decision looked like the best choice for these settings. It’s a medieval story, and while the case of Edward II of England or Isabella of France is widely known, Gert is not a monarch, just a young rural gentleman in a world, where religion and traditional values dominate everybody’s life.

Feedback is appreciated with thoughts on the game, characters, grammar, spelling, typos, low readability etc.

EDIT: Thank you all for your very useful feedback and suggestions. Much appreciate the time you have taken. This is a WIP, ofc it isn’t flawless and I really enjoyed to read your replies.
About your concerns of being “rude”; I am not a masochist, but not sugarcoat your opinion in this case is the most helpful thing to do. This chapter is cca. the 15% of the whole story and I wanted to know your opinion in this early phase, so it it is better if it’s not sugarcoated. I will try to answer your comments asap.


#2

I really wished that we could make our own character


#3

You even fixed the name gender, religion, and sex orientation… Are you sure you want to write a Cog instead a normal book?
Most of people here play to create our characters, You don’t let us create ANYTHING. Al is set personality and morality included, so basically you only let choose some skills of but nothing deep. Your paragraphs are too short and end too rash that gives a not smooth flow .
Edit Sorry If I sound rude. You just started so That problems are logic at this point. Really more customitation of character feeling and morality could be really great.


#4

Just like @poison_mara says, the MC is already done: I mean, it doesn’t feel like it can be our character, but only yours. Not everyone wants to play as a male (some CoG users even say that if the game is gender locked they won’t play at all), nor want to be heterosexual. They might not be interested in female ROs, or religion: I, personally, don’t like it when I’m forced to be a part of a religion and if I choose o disagree with it then getting called out on my heresy.

It doesn’t feel like we are really playing; and the problem is not the gender lock itself, but the rest: for example, in “A Study in Seampunk”, you had to play as a man, alright, but the rest was great because you could choose your name, sexuality, your own opinion and talents, etc…

I honestly don’t like it, sorry. And the narrative itself is… stiff? Definite? Sorry, I’m not a native speaker, but I mean that it has a set point of view: if I don’t feel like chasing after a six year old boy and get him whipped, why does the game have to imply that I’m stupid for that (or “too bland”?) and that I should just give up my other animals? C’mon, not everybody will get mad at a little child.

P.D: sorry if I sound rude.


#5

There do seem to be quite a few choices where you choose one thing and then the narrative will scoff at you and make you do another thing. Like harassing the servant girl, even if you choose to leave her alone.


#6

I feel like there is little to no “real” choice in this whole thing.

If you do need help with coding, there’s many of us here on the forum that could help.

EDIT: Guenevere has a set name and gender, but I really like the rest of the book, so that means you can make this a good book. However, Guinevere has loads of other choices, something I feel this lacks for now.

EDIT 2.0: I don’t mean to be rude, just pointing it out.

I love this quote. :smiling_imp:

EDIT 3.0: I dislike the “strength” stat in the beginning, firstly, no one is that powerful, and secondly going by your other statistics I would rather choose which one is my most powerful.


#7

@attila.szabo I agree with everyone above. And they have already said everything that i wanted to point out. But really i can get that the MC is gender and name locked… but when they also have a set sex and personality(mean man here)…and religion like Mara pointed out. I just cant handle it… so i stopped reading.

(This isent ment to be offensiv aginst you, attila but i really wanted to express what i thought)


#8

Yeah I agree also. The idea is awesome, but for you to connect to the character there must be some sort of customisation, much like everyone has already said Guinevere is a perfect example.

I enjoyed the way you set out the world but I did feel relatively distant from it and the characters.

But hey, its a works in progress plenty of time yet so don’t get down on yourself .


#9

I don’t see why we can’t choose our name (and maybe gender). I mean name isn’t that important, yet it makes me feel more invested.

EDIT: Again, not being rude, just curious.


#10

I think that if you allowed for more customization, you would be going somewhere. Is this your first gamebook? If it is, I do understand limiting it just so you could practice with programming it before you add variables like that, but if that’s the case I would suggest trying to code with female characters or nb characters, hell even just adding a name option or personality choices and definitely adding the ability to have feelings for men would be helpful for you.
If the case is for historical accuracy, then I want to point out that gay people have existed before today. Religious gay people, I would like to add.
The people who play these games are actually really diverse. We have asexuals, bisexuals, gay people, straight people, women, men, everyone in between and outside of those lines, white people, people of color, etc. One of the reasons we like to play these games is because we can be represented in it. But like a few people have said already, a lot of us are hesitant to play a game if we can’t put even a part of our identity into it.

That being said, I do think you have a lot of potential and I am excited to see what you are able to do if you branch out a little bit. I like your ideas and I like your determination to make a character that isn’t royal or explicitly special.


#11

Now now, let’s not condemn the game simply because you can’t customize your character. I would enjoy seeing yet another game that goes against the status quo.

Does anyone remember a Western WIP that was created a long time ago that didn’t allow customization of characters. It had three characters to choose from (only women as it too was genderlocked) who had their set personalities. The only choices you could make were the actions they took. I don’t know if any of you have played it, but I remember enjoying it. If anyone remembers the name, please let me know.

That said, I found the main character of this story to be rather stale and bland. A lot of people won’t mind not being able to customize their character if the MC is an interesting character. Or if you have interesting support characters. Sure, you will still have a few people who will disagree with making this but that just means this story isn’t for them.


#12

That’s *my * problem. I like a MC that I can connect with. I have no problem with a set gender and name @jeantown has a perfect example of this, as long as it’s implemented well. And with some work, this could be really good.

I’ve got a question on the Western WiP, was the name already set, was the orientation? For some reason I love choosing the characters I “interact” with.


#13

I agree the others. The point of COG is to have choices and customization.
I didn’t like how you get the option, “to touch or to not touch the servers body, that is the question”. And obviously I chose not to and the main character chose to do it regardless. That’s so disrespectful why would I chose to grope someone.

I say just write a book.


#14

Okay, I’ve actually looked at the WIP more and I take back the positive stuff. Like you had potential but actively forcing us to grope someone is really messed up and inappropriate entirely. A lot of us experience that stuff regularly and to just force us to do that is terrible. And I don’t want to hear historical accuracy as an excuse.


#15

real talk :sunglasses:


#16

This feels like you just used a couple of fake_choices here and there, not something that actually changes the story in any way.

I agree with @tooweiss. A regular novel seems like a good way to go.


#17

Did you actually just force me to grope a woman? Why did you even offer up a choice if you were going to make me sexually assault her anyways??


#18

Yes, the name’s were set. Actually the whole characters are set. The author specifically said that “they are her characters, not yours” though she probably said it in a nicer way. Sexual orientation was never explained in that game though. It was still far too early in the WiP stages (and still probably is). One of the characters was more shy around girls, you can take that how you will. The only choices you could choose were the actions they took and how they responded to some situations. However, I thought all three characters were amazing, I enjoyed playing as “them”. I did not enjoy the MC in this story.

Choices, yes. Customization, no. It is called “Choice” of Games. Customization is optional.

EDIT:
I found it! Yes!


Hey @poison_mara you’re in here too.


#19

There is an ethos based on out-dated scholarly works that the 9th century was a “Dark Age” and that viewpoint is what I see in this WiP.

@attila.szabo - If you continue this WiP you might want to concentrate on some of the more positive and admirable aspects of that era. There is a lot of good in that age as well as “brutal reality”.


#20

Alright, I’ll agree with that. Regardless, it shouldn’t be in here then since there are fake choices, as @Goddess stated above . Love how you’re evading the problematic “choice”. Don’t get me wrong, it’s realistic, but I didn’t have a choice on whether or not to be a disrespectful ass.