@xNaomi
Thanks! Of course I understand and all errors will be fixed with modifications!
For those who want to play my game you can get it here:
Thanks for supporting! I will accept all feedback from those who dedicated their time to play my game!
@Dmitry Congratulations on releasing the game 
Hope it is successful.
Congratulations Dmitry!
Ok, I usually try to buy these games, but I’m holding off on this one. Let me start by saying that it’s hugely impressive you’ve learned English on your own. Your English is a million times better than my Russian. That said, I’m not sure if it can hold up to writing a gamebook without an editor. Virtually every native speaker should use an editor, and that goes doubly so for non-native speakers.
I’m going to attach a screenshot from the store here:
This is the first screenshot people see when they’re looking to buy your story. In the body of the text there are barely two sentences. The first part of a sentence is a run-on, and is kind of a mess. Empoisoned is an awkward word there, but if you were consistently using an archaic tone it could be ok. Disembodying is misspelled, and it’s not used properly anyway. It means to remove something from corporeal form, not literally to come out of a body. Your last clause is kind of mystifying. What do you mean by desecrating and melting? You set it up as a simile with “as if” but follow up with a not-terribly-imagistic phrase. What impression are you trying to convey? You get mega-huge props from me for correctly using the apostrophe after creatures. That made me happy.
The second sentence is a heck of a run-on, especially for a relatively simple concept. The elf is good at fighting. You can break up that sentence and refine it so it doesn’t fatigue the reader.
You misspelled “parrying” in the choices. It’s also kind of weird to have choices in past tense, but maybe it’s a flashback or something. It also switches tense between the first two sentences.
This is the very first example of the gamebook people see. It needs to convince people to buy it. At the very least it should be the most polished part of the book. You need to spend some time with an editor to rework a lot of this text, and presumably the rest of the book.
Kind of disappointed with it. Other than the grammar mistakes, there’s not many varied choices I saw in the game. Every time it’s either sleep, eat, sit, or silence. It’s also impossible to die (I only made it to the dwarf kingdom part so that may be there later), giving me the same feeling fatehaven gave me, boredom. Really wish it would’ve been better bud, but it’s your first game and it’s a learning experience. Hope to see you put in more hosted games
Thanks to all for your feedback. It’s interesting to know from people about my work.
@TumTum
I just read your essay about my game. It’s good you tell me about it. Thanks. Regarding “desecrating and melting”. Оскверняя и плавя. Translate these two words in google and you’ll all understand. “As if” it means in Russian “словно”. If I translate this sentence in Russian it’ll be like this: “словно оскверняя и плавя его”. Translate it in google and you’ll understand. I thought it’s enough clear.
@that1german
I understand you. I decided to make this part in that way to give to players to know about world, about characters. Your essential choices begin from the next part.
@Dmitry, a large part of translation isn’t about directly translating from one word to another. A lot of ingenuity is needed in order to make phrases understood by speakers of another language. Language Localization
@Redditz
Yes, I know this.
Hey, Dmitry. Congratulations on the release; I went ahead and made an announcement about it on the HG Facebook page. I also bought a copy on Android; however, I won’t be reading it until it’s been edited.
The others made good points. Even though it’s commendable that you taught yourself English and all that, it doesn’t really make it more enjoyable for the reader; the errors are still there, regardless. I strongly recommend getting an editor, or at the very least putting it up on this site for extensive beta testing.
The game seem very interesting and as another non native english speaker i congratulate you but like many other peoples, the bigest drawback is the grammar. I stoped playing because of it. I honestly hope that the problem will be fixed in later updates. You also seem to give useless informations (ex:the castle size being huge. As if the fact that our bedroom is enormous and that the ceiling is, if i remember correctly, 10 meter high didnt show it.) and for some reasons you really seem to like the color scarlet. You also seem to move between present and past sentence forms a lot, wich lead to confusion. Im not trying to be rude, im just doing a critique and giving my honest opinion.
@Samuel_H_Young
Many thanks!! Yes, I’ve already understood that, I’ll fix all errors. Thanks you’ve mentioned about it on the facebook page!!
@cyanide
It will be fixed, trust me and thanks for your feedback!!
So i just finish the game. Quite a long one i must say. There some typo but i think most reader can automatic think the right one when they read. About the stat, strength, will, leadership etc I’m not sure i miss it or not but they actually not been used right. they just keep piling up. Or the story does not need any minimum requirement of stat to progress the story?
Anyways thank for your work~
Does anyone else find it amusing that some of the comments on Android about Sword of the Elements having bad grammar have bad grammar themselves?
“I hope this Uzbekistan teen knows English,which sadly he don’t.But never mind,but please update this app and correct all the typos.Almost nothing is understandable,for the word arrangement is way too messy.And some brought the same meaning too.But the plot is great.At least that was if its not tainted with misspells.”
“The grammer is just not good, makes it impossible to try and get into the game, really wish I could get a refund”
@kazumakiryu
Thanks. You’ll need almost all you’ve earned in the second game.
@Samuel_H_Young
Yes, I saw good reviews. I’m currently working on a modification. All will be fixed.
I thought the game was Fair to good 3.5 the game could have been better with grammar that was a bit clearer but that was never my strong suit. in your next installment im guessing you’ll be using a lot of editors to fix the English issues anyway,
on top of the fact i bought the game early on so very few fixes could be made after selling so i understand that. i very much liked the length of the game considered its only part one very impressive. the story depth was excellent and the world was very well buit
Drakeye The Evil Eight
Another thing to consider, Dmitry, is that you could always just submit a Russian (?) version of this. I’m sure it would be far better quality concerning coherence and grammar and all that. It’d be open to a far smaller market, but then I think you would get better reviews because the story would be written in your native language, and therefore better as a whole. If I recall correctly, CoG will publish HGs in other languages. In fact, I plan on having Colonising Kepler 62e: Inception translated into Spanish. So, that’s just a thought.
I was just wondering if any more effort has gone into this since the release to get the writing readable?
I know this is kinda beating a dead horse now, seeing as the game was released over four months ago, as well as this thread not being posted on in the same amount of time, but it would still be nice if effort was going in, and not just forgotten like it seems as of the moment.
Anyways, thanks if so, if not, well, then that’s the authors/his editors choice.
If this is considered nercoing, I sincerely apologize, I just wanted to know if the author still planned on fixing the grammar and legibility of the game.
It’s much easier said than done. There’s another thread on the subject here.
Thanks F.G, I actually didn’t see that thread! Hopefully I can help and such! 
Hello to all! Sorry me please for my long absence. Just I’m so busy last months, I have to train to an university. So, now I found some time and want to tell that I will suggest a modification to my game in about a week (or two) to HG. I finally decided to review the game myself, using grammar tutorials, so, I guess it’ll at least minimize errors in the game, making it more readable. I also deleted all repetitions, added something new in the game. Hope it’s a good step in improving the game.
