The Rise of Magic (WIP) 3/13/21 4:24 P.M. ET

Updated 3/14/21 9:16 PM

I’ve begun work on my new game, The Rise of Magic. In it, you play a college student who’s been transported to another world that a goddess separated because humans became greedy with their use of magic. She created two worlds, the one we know today and another that are just for the elves, dwarfs, dragons, etc. Get introduced to beings that you thought were fantasy but are real. You are the first human to be seen after the separation and have to prove to your new home that you’re not evil and don’t seek to destroy them. While also trying to keep your magic and check and not let it out of control.

Updates this week In-Game include; Story Progression, Added Stats, More Character Creation tools, etc.

Updates on this post this week include; Demo

RO

Male/Female

Gnorth/Gul - They’re an orc and guard captain to the Bixenait Kingdom. The people of Bixenait say they’re a hard-ass and don’t give anyone slack to anyone that breaks the law. Some honor that and thinks that’s what Bixenait. Others think they should relax and try not to be uptight. Will you be the person to take some weight off their shoulders?

Zaranrad/Zarinielle - They’re an incubus/succubus and well-known theft. Once they have their eyes on you, say goodbye to your precious valuables. No one can resist their charm. Even their other succubus and incubus are wrap around their finger. Could you be the first to fight them? Or will you be another one of their victims?

Bayldralth - They’re a dragon-shifter and a prince. No one knows much about them, only that he’s a person of few words and usually gets things done. If you can’t follow his rules, then you’re deemed useless in his eyes. How will you be seen in his eyes?

Azzul - They’re a demon and a servant to Bayldralth. Azzul has never left Bayldralth, literally. Azzul merges with Bayldralth shadow and only comes out to protect Bayldralth. People would never know of them until now. When Azzul, doesn’t feel comfortable with a human around the prince. Will you show Azzul that there’s no need to fear you?

To play the demo, go here: https://dashingdon.com/go/8030

137 Likes

Nice opening can’t wait to see where u go with it

@Desmond_Ashford this is good. A some spelling and punctuation errors but nothing big. Can’t wait for the next part.

Your idea is good, but personally for me the pace was a bit rushed and various scenes and descriptions were a bit too crowded. Like when someone is trying to stuff a paragraph with too much information or action going on. I’m not sure about others, but for me it seems like that. Hopefully, I did not offend you or anything.

6 Likes

Sounds interesting

Why does magic always get me it always happens with me I always like magical things if magic was real I would be working with snow Magic

I keep getting this error

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The problem has been fixed thanks for the feedback! Enjoy the rest of the demo!

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No, you didn’t offend me. I know it’s a bit rush at the moment :sob:. I’m trying to figure out what stats and character details will go throughout the story and not just at the beginning while adding more details. I just haven’t figured out which ones I’m planning on using for personality or traits or how I plan to oppose the ones I already have, that will effectively add to the story. Or simply I’m having a hard time figuring out how to put the character description into words. In other words, I’m making the story up as it goes and will go back to the beginning to add the stats and details that weren’t there before to add to the beginning.

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This is very interesting so far…

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Will there be different kinds of magic that we can learn and improve on?

Yes, I plan to have the MC have element magic which you can use by itself or mix them together to create new magic.

4 Likes

Where to start.

  1. Very good premise, however extremely hard to read due to all of the jumping between present and past tense.
    2.It starts of a little bumpy at first but gets easier to read as one continues on. i.e missing words, or thoughts rewritten part way through.
  2. This one is more personal and is just a recommendation, Try putting your story into a google or word doc, Just from the small amount I was able to find some inconsistencies. Doing so will drastically cut back on the amount of edits you will have to make due to typos and unfinished sentence/etc. This will not help with any bugs so sorry you will have to rely on okaythroughs for that.
  3. Now onto somethings that I caught: Standing = sitting, Happen = happened, What is it populated with?, Keeps switching between present and past tense
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Space magic for me

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Dark magic is intriguing :grin::stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye::no_mouth:

2 Likes

Oi @Desmond_Ashford

Thank you for the feedback, I did run it through Grammarly but I guess it’s still not catching all the problems. I’ll try google docs next, thanks for the suggestions. I also just made the changes from everything you mentioned in your 4th line thanks for that. Also, the beginning will be a little bumpy for a while I’m trying to find the right stats for the story before completely redoing the startup. Though I still wanted you guys to know how the story begins.

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Thank you for bringing this up changes have been made and it is now functional!

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Oi @Desmond_Ashford


With you finally being dressed, you go to the mirror to wash your face and brush your teeth.

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Oi @Desmond_Ashford last name/ surname option came twice… And lol just put that it’s surname /last name like you did it for the first name…