@EerrieVirgo Which of our moms are our biological parent? or is it neither?
“Scar, care to explain this to your daughter.” Mom interjects, her tone is a mix of exasperation and concern.(Son, I’m playing as a Man)
“I know you’re afraid and worried about her safety, because I am too, but dropping her from the case doesn’t guarantee her safety.” Momma says carefully. She pauses, letting her words sink in, before continuing, “If we try to stop her now, she’ll end up doing something far more dangerous, and no one will be able to talk her out of it.” (again, MC is a Man)
I’ve played many WIPs on Dashingdon and can only remember a handful of stories and ROs that have left an impression on me, but this WIP is different in a good way. I love how the MC is the real detective, not only in the title of their supposed job but also in action. All LIs have personalities and their own interests, and your writing left me wanting more! Honestly, I can’t wait for the full release of the game and eagerly await it on pins and needles. Best of luck with your writing!
I decided to check out the demo, really excited for another good detective IF where you actually solve crime! I am looking forward to future updates, though here is a few notes for things I thought were a little odd regarding customisation for my playthrough.
Some notes on customisation
I think that there is no option for having black eyes? I think it’s a little strange since many people have very dark, ‘black’ eyes.
I think including a ‘very short’ option is always nice, it makes me sad when people can be ‘very tall’ but then being ‘very short’ isn’t a thing.
I’d love an option for drinking hot tea and black coffee.
Orientation is listed as being Pansexual for my nonbinary character, even though I stated they were attracted to men felt a little odd to me. “Androsexual” or “Gynosexual” are terms that can be use for masculine / feminine attracted people that doesn’t denote to a person’s gender. Alternatively (or in addition), you could just ask in a separate question what identity people prefer to use (gay, straight, etc).
Overall though, like I said, it was nice! Great job on the demo! I like the personality / strengths options, I’m curious how those will impact things in the long term in regards to the results of your performance. I hope it’ll lead you down different rabbit holes, alternative ways of coming to the same overall conclusion.
@Phenrex I did some research while making the customisation. By research, I meant Google . Google says that ‘black’ eyes don’t exist. People who have black eyes actually have very dark brown eyes. I’m sorry for not including the black eyes option. I will add it in the next update.
I actually don’t know what very short height is because I set the short option between 4’10 and 5’4. I consider myself a very short person, so I would choose the short option because I’m in that range. But if you have any suggestions on what range to use for a very short individual, you are welcome to . If you can give me the range I will add very short option in the next update.
For the drinks, don’t worry. I will add those drinks because you requested them .
For orientation, this is the problem I’ve been having. I don’t know how to write nonbinary MC. I don’t know what or how their orientation works. I don’t mean or want to offend anyone, but I would appreciate it, if you or anyone else could ‘educate’ me on that topic. I would love to learn more about it. Maybe I will add orientation for nonbinary MC, so they can choose whether they are Androsexual or Gynosexual. Please give me suggestions on how to proceed.
Response to @EerrieVirgo :
While they might ‘technically’ not be considered ‘black,’ I think that when you look at how people more broadly refer to eyes that are such a dark brown as to have the pupil blend into the iris from afar to be ‘black eyes.’
For me I think that having 4’8 to 5’0 as being very short 5’0" to 5’4" as being short, 5’5 to 5’8 as being average, 5’9 to 6’0 as being tall, and 6’0 to 6’4 as being very tall would make sense.
I mean you can just add a question for people to clarify their identity. You can ask if they are attracted to men, women, both or neither, then in a second question if they are nonbinary ask what term they prefer to describe their sexuality. (You can have the options for lesbian, gay, bi, pan, andro, or gyno).
The problem with that (and the reason I didn’t have a problem with “very short” not being included, even though that’s what I generally choose) is that many if not most police academies will have a height requirement/cutoff. While I realise this is fiction, this is a person with a very physical job, and it would not be unusual for certain body sizes to disqualify someone and so, not be included as options during the customisation. It would be similar to the requirements for firepeople or soldiers, generally. They need you to be above or at a certain threshold to be physically able to do all of the differing categories of work that you have to do as a part of the job. A very small officer isn’t necessarily going to be a detriment behind a desk or on an investigative team, but that’s not where you start out, you start out in a patrol car with a street beat, and for that, the physical requirements would be prohibitive for a very small person.
I mean you could say the same thing about being fat being prohibitive to being in active duty, additionally if you look at the suggested ranges of height I only decreased the minimum height by 5cm (2 inches), it’s more about reframing the heights since I thought it would make more sense and I prefer ‘very short’ being available as a choice (it makes the ranges a little more specific.)
At the end of the day I was just making a suggestion based on my own preference, and if the author disagrees they are more than free to tell me they aren’t interested in taking it into account. I think that giving my own thoughts though, is very important, since that is what I myself value seeing as a writer. Even if someone suggests something that I don’t want to use, the act of them suggesting could be inspirational for others in the future. Such is the tides of a forum.
I don’t remember where specifically the story is set, but many jurisdictions throughout the US, Canada, in the entirety of the UK, and in many other places there is a no restriction on height. (Though some places like Vietnam, the Hong Kong police force, and Japan do). If you are able to fulfill the expectations or guidelines otherwise though saying that your height would not be taken to account over performance would be a fair assumption since I don’t believe this story is set in any of the latter settings.
I agree, and it’s actually a problem in real life police departments, though generally the fat, old guys are so entrenched that getting them out of there (or getting them to agree to lose weight and get into shape) becomes such a problem that the younger people who aren’t the problem end up leaving (which creates problems of its own) to get away from the career-affecting aggression coming from their senior officers. It’s not anything there’s a perfect solution for, and it’s not a criticism of your preference; as I stated, it’s one that I share. But there are good reasons for some of these limitations, and 2 inches, though it seems like not much to us, could be an enormous difference in any of a number of life or death situations. Given that this is fiction and the MC is the mayor’s kid, perhaps there could be some “artificial” leeway given them, but there should be in-story blowback to reflect the real problems that this would create, not to mention the resentment of the other officers you have to work with because they would have to pick up your slack when there was something that you were physically unable to do. For one thing, I would imagine you would continually find your equipment placed somewhere out of your reach quite often.
Like I said above, assuming the story is set in the west, many juristictions within the US, the entirety of Canada and UK both don’t have height requirements. You are just assuming that they should have a height requirement in place even though in reality many places do not so long as you are otherwise able to fulfill the requirements in order to pass your examinations. There is no reason you are arbitrary deciding that there is definitely a height requirement at this particular police office. There is nothing suggesting that to begin with.
I’m not disagreeing with the idea that there is substantial reason for putting them in place. My only argument is that there are places, many many places, which do not. As such, there shouldn’t be a broad assumption a height requirement need be put in place to begin with.
I didn’t say there can’t be restrictions though, if you are in the US your relative probably just lives in a jurisdiction that does. But as I said before if it’s set in the UK or Canada (or another country which doesn’t) then not even mentioning a height restriction would be perfectly fine since they don’t exist in that region to begin with.
I am saying they do, because where I live (and I am related to a senior officer who is one of those aggressors I was talking about) they do. And there are real, concrete reasons that they do.
. I’ve fixed them already. Please let me know if they are still the same.
. Thank you for your kind words. You made my day. I’m glad you enjoyed the WIP.
. Google says that ‘black’ eyes don’t exist. People who have black eyes actually have very dark brown eyes. I’m sorry for not including the black eyes option. I will add it in the next update.
.
, which i love.