All credit for this guide goes to @Snowflower . Thanks for creating it!
| Achievement | Steps |
|---|---|
| I Refuse to Choose | Pick “I can’t tell and prefer to let chance decide” at the beginning of the game. |
| A Rose by Any Other | Name your child. Either choose a name or input a custom name and nickname. This is one of six achievements that is obtained every playthrough. |
| Seems Familiar | This achievement can pop one of two times: either name your child “Alexi” or “Fiorella”, or your parent friend, introduced in Year 1, will have a random chance of being named “Elgin” or “Latasha”. |
| Illness Immunity | Make sure you DON’T get “You Give Me Fever” in Year Zero. If playing non-random, use hand sanitiser in the guest event, and minimize contact between the preschooler and your little angel. |
| You’ve Got A Friend In Me | This achievement will pop automatically in Year 1, and the associated event is unmissable even on random mode. This is one of six achievements that is obtained every playthrough. |
| Cha-Ching! | Make sure to get the “I did it all for the upvotes” event. Then choose either the first or second option for levels of social media exposure, and then choose to make a submission, specifically the second or third choices. Enjoy your newfound Internet fame (and the cash doesn’t hurt either)! |
| Commode Conqueror | Be proactive in ensuring that your child is potty trained in Year Two (ensures this achievement; using your child’s reaction to certain foods in Year 3 works as well). The two options that always work are the first and second (forcing to use toilet, and bribery with candy), while the fourth (peer pressure) only works if Independence <50. One of either this achievement or Diapers or Bust will be one of the six achievements obtained every playthrough. Mutually exclusive with Diapers or Bust. |
| Diapers or Bust | DO NOT force, bribe, or trick your child into using the practice toilet. They will still learn, it’ll just take a while. Basically do the opposite of the previous achievement. One of either this achievement or Commode Conqueror will be one of the six achievements obtained every playthrough. Mutually exclusive with Commode Conqueror. |
| Sleep It Off | Make sure that Lana’s baby (Louis/Lucy) gets their nap uninterrupted by picking the right choice (High Tradition gets the fourth choice to work. When in doubt, candy is an effective bribe). |
| Family Matters | Patch up your relationship with Lana, your sister. Don’t refuse to help her or lay into her for her uninformed parenting critiques. Hold on to that until Year 12. |
| One Down… | This achievement pops automatically in Year 5, even if you attend your child’s first day of homeschool cooperative with them. This is one of six achievements that is obtained every playthrough. |
| We Party the Hardiest of All | At the end of Year 6, pick the first option (Game-a-Palooza) for your child’s birthday party. |
| Moonshot | This is the first achievement that requires planning, as it is based on a stat (Education) that becomes visible this year, but has been affected before this point. In order to get Moonshot, you need to have your child’s Education at 60 or higher, and then, at the third choice (note that the first and second choices are not fake choices; they do have a stat impact, but not on Education), choose to enroll them in the fifth grade class rather than the third when the teacher suggests a class change. To get your Education to 60 before this point, pick choices that raise Education such as: 1. Using the educational activity book on the year 3 play day, and not playing outside. 2. Encouraging the kid to read at the friend’s birthday party in year 3 3. Sending your child to preschool 4. Encouraging your kid to pursue a cerebral activity such as art, music, or STEM 5. Telling your kid that they will love school (which they will, if you’re following the directions listed here) 6. Getting your kid glasses (note that this is somewhat random and not necessary if you made the other choices as listed above) 7. Only allowing your kid to play educational video games (Hypocritical? Perhaps. Educational? Yes.) 8. Picking the art studio birthday party in year 6 (second choice) |
| In Memory of Sully | Choose for your child to learn how to swim. Choose to be able to swim (first or second choices). It doesn’t matter how your child learns how to swim, but pick the second choice when your child refuses to swim underwater (“I take matters into my own hands”) |
| Go Fish | Get your child pet fish, either as a holiday surprise or on a trip to the pet store. Note that this locks you out of all future pet-related achievements and content (the fish do not live long after being purchased, and their demise is the argument against getting another pet later) after this. |
| Pet Get! | Get your kid a pet that they and you like in Year 8. Either get your kid the holiday pet they want, or go to the pet store and pick a pet (this does not have to be the one they wanted, they will be equally enthused with all pets [except maybe snakes]). This achievement does not pop automatically. |
| Lending an (Under)hand | In year 9, you will have the choice to read about your child’s role in a school play. This can be minor (default), or a lead role (which triggers the acting activity as an option later). You want your kid to have a lead role. So much so that you will take a major role in organizing the play (either options 2 or 3), and you will stack the deck in your little darling’s favor to ensure they get the part (option 4, “stack the deck”). |
| No Means No | Don’t let your kid participate in activities in year 4, and again in year 9. Acting does not count. This achievement is mutually exclusive with “A Sporting Chance” and “The Master” on a single playthrough. |
| Your Last Stand | Complete an A+ worthy diorama by yourself on your child’s behalf. There is a hidden temporary stat tracked here; how exhausted you (and your child, but since you’re doing all the work, only you count) are from the day’s events. Don’t cook a home cooked meal for yourself and your child, don’t do any physical exertion such as cleaning or wrestling (your child can clean if you tell them to). Then pick “I’m a little more experienced than you are…”, and choose to make the best diorama you can. You will be exhausted, and you will likely call in sick. But isn’t it worth it to see your child’s happy face and excellent grades? |
| Don’t Look Back in Anger | At the start of Year 11, choose the second option (“No”) in the “Origin Stories” segment. Warning: completing this achievement locks you out of all later content related to the other parent/birth mother, as well as an (possibly two) achievement(s) down the line. |
| Paging Kenny Loggins | You must have repaired your relationship with Lana (gotten the “Family Matters” achievement above) in this playthrough. She and Louis/Lucy will come over for a visit in Year 12, and now your adorable baby nibling is a clingy child to their cousin. When Lana comments on the fact that your child should invite Louis to do homework with them, call her out by her name. Click “Lana.”, then “Lana.”, and then “Lanaaaaaa!!!”. After that, the achievement will pop, and it will NOT lock you out of “Sustaining a Sister”. |
| Outsourcing | Remember how I said not to unload on Lana in Year 4? Unload on her now (ask “Are you serious right now?!”). However, Louis/Lucy hears this outburst at Lana, and it is partly directed at them, so they run off crying. You did not intend to hurt them, so you need to make amends (choose that choice). This choice does not always work (especially if you’ve hurt your nibling/upset your child in the earlier stages of the visit), but if it does, you will find your child, and they are the one that fixes your mistake (quite a reversal of years past). This achievement is mutually exclusive with “Paging Kenny Loggins” and it makes it harder to get “Sustaining a Sister” later on. |
| The Power of Gift Cards | If your child is on the actor route (get the lead role in the play with either underhanded maneuvering as described in the eponymous achievement, or 56+ Popularity and 56+ Education, or over 50 in both stats but receiving help from you, then go to drama camp in Year 10), they have the chance to audition for a commercial in year 12. Make sure that your kid gets the part, one way or another. They can get it through merit and practice, or just plain bribery. Either way, you get the achievement after they get the part (if you do bribe, you bribe with cash, not gift cards). |
| Get Paid | If your kid has an allowance (decided in year 5), ask them to pay you to clean up after the pet. |
| Get Paid What You’re Worth | Negotiate more money out of your child to clean up after the pet. It is biohazard pay, after all. Mutually exclusive with “Get Paid” on a single playthrough. |
| The Finder | Find your missing pet in Year 13. If you are playing non-random, this is necessary for all future pet content and one more achievement. Put in maximum effort to search for the missing pet (thorough search for non-cat/non-dog pets, press on for cat/dog). If you have a high social media following (posting kid pics, streaming games, filming your kid’s acting flub increases this), then the option to go home and spread the word of your missing cat/dog on social media will work; offer a reward for best results. |
| Climb the Ladder | Get promoted to vice president at work. To get this promotion, you have to have gotten the promotion to middle management before it in Year 7. Getting promoted requires you to do well at work, which is tracked by the game. Choices that increase your work stat are: 1. Not displaying your kid’s clay turtle from year 3 at work. However, this locks you out of another potential achievement later on if your student becomes interested in art. 2. Having your kid take the bus to school instead of you dropping them off. 3. When the kid breaks their arm, choose for a teacher to take them to the hospital rather than calling an ambulance or picking up the kid yourself. 4. Instead of having a birthday party, work overtime and have a hurried birthday dinner with your kid. 5. Not pulling an allnighter (either with or without your kid) on the school project in Year 10. 6. Not taking vacations or taking a small number of vacations when asked in Year 13. 7. When you do get a chance go on a trip with your child, either choose not to or only take a weekend off. 8. If your kid is on the acting path, choosing for them to NOT do the movie role in Year 14. You do not have to make all of these choices to get both promotions. But do you really want them both? |
| Ground Floor | Do not get promoted beyond your starting position at work. Either do the exact opposite of the guide for Climb the Ladder, or refuse promotions when offered. |
| Wonder of Wonders | Make sure that your child has a great time with you on the day off in Year 15. It helps to have a plan and play to the stats of the kid (for example, a high-Education kid will enjoy a Sherlock Holmes or zombie escape room, a high-Athletics kid will enjoy watching a sporting event [especially if they play that sport themselves], high-Sacrifice kids will be enthused at making food to help a new parent, etc.). When in doubt, rom-com movies and amusement parks are great fun for everyone. When you receive a phone call from work, do not let them eat into your time (either ignore it or tell the caller you are not available that day). The achievement “Climbing the Ladder” almost soft-locks this achievement (as in it becomes way harder), which makes a depressing amount of sense. |
| Access Denied | Stop your child from getting their driver’s license until some months after their 16th birthday, by refusing to drive with them/ enroll them in driver’s ed classes, or making them wait for a while after your car’s light turns out to be broken at the DMV. They will get it eventually, though, despite your best efforts. Mutually exclusive with Das Boot. Failing the driving test the first time does not count for this achievement (but note that it doesn’t hammer the Independence and Freedom stats, and gives the same Grades boost). |
| Das Boot | This achievement is fairly luck-based. To potentially earn it, you need to pick the first option after learning that the light in your car is broken: drive the big Buick that the older patron kindly offered to let your kid borrow for their road test. Things that shift this roll in your favor are making your kid drive everywhere or putting them in driver’s ed class. If you went to meet the biological parent/visit their grave, making them drive back home also boosts your child’s chances. Mutually exclusive with Access Denied. |
| High Score | This achievement is also luck based, though slightly less so than Das Boot. Rather, your child’s stats change the possible SAT scores for your child; either 910, 1090, or 1410. The highest possible score for your child to obtain is 1410 (the slackerjack!). The things that boost your child’s chances of getting the 1410 are: 1. High Grades (a hidden stat, not tied to Education. These are rather important.) 1b. Raising Grades is almost its own achievement. See “Valedictorian Vindication” for more details. 2. High Education 3. High Individuality (they have fewer social obligations with their peers because they have few friends, so they got time to study). 4. Studying hard for the exam (either because you twisted their arm into it, or because they are a high-Athletics child who is quite used to studying to keep up with their more academic peers). If your child meets 3 to all of these criteria, then they have a chance of getting either a 1090 or a 1410. If they meet 2 of these criteria, then they have a chance of getting a 910, a 1090, or a 1410. If your child meets 1 or fewer of this criteria, then they cannot get a 1410 (they can get either 1090 or 910). |
| Remix | This achievement is why you need to treat the clay turtle from year 3 as the best present ever. You also need to make sure that your child is enrolled in art classes, and continues with art through Year 14 (continue to do art, send to art camp, etc.). They do not have to succeed at monetizing the art activity, or get a job teaching art. Instead of the gifts of time, a gift card to a restaurant (either fast food or the Chinese place you both love), or a flat-screen TV, you get a remake of one of your very favorite gifts. |
| Good for What Ails You | Save the life of your pet when it is diagnosed with cancer, using the experimental procedure offered by the vet (third option). This is not a guaranteed success, but there are ways to help the roll in your favor. For cats and dogs: 1. Pets that were adopted as kittens/puppies have the highest chance of surviving the procedure due to their relative youth. 2. Pets adopted as adolescents have a lower chance of survival, but it is possible for them to survive. 3. Pets adopted as adults will die here regardless of your choice. This was very close to the end of their natural lifespan. For other pets, it is 50/50, and there are no modifiers. This achievement is always mutually exclusive with “A Walking Insurance Nightmare”. On non-random playthroughs, the achievement “The Finder” is needed to have a chance to earn this achievement. |
| A Walking Insurance Nightmare | Go to the hospital the maximum amount of times in the story. This achievement is mutually exclusive with “Illness Immunity”. The four times that your child goes/can go to the hospital are: 1. The fever event in Year 0 (go to ER, not sure if going to the pediatrician after trying Tylenol/rest it off also counts) 2. The recurring sinus infection in Year 4 starts with a trip to the hospital; this part does not count. What does count is the decision to get a tonsillectomy and/or adenoidectomy or not. Get your kid snipped. 3. The broken arm event in Year 6 is always a trip to the ER. Plus the event is about dealing with the broken arm more than preventing it. 4. There is a 50/50 chance, even on non-random, of getting either the dying (or not) pet event or the car accident event in Year 17, if the pet is present. This means that this achievement is mutually exclusive with “Good for What Ails You” on a single playthrough. Whether the accident is your kid’s fault or not, they are still going to the hospital. |
| Play It Laude | You get this achievement automatically at the start of Year 18. No matter how you parent them, your child will walk the stage at high school graduation. This is one of six achievements that is obtained every playthrough. |
| Valedictorian Vindication | Make sure that your child attains the lofty title of Valedictorian, vindicating all of your parenting choices up to this point. This is the achievement that is most tied to the hidden Grades stat, and therefore, requires lots of planning. First, pick a school for your kid in Year 5. Third Street School, the homeschooling co-op, requires a Grades stat of 2 to be the Valedictorian. Jefferson Elementary/Roosevelt Middle/Adams High School, the public school system in your area, require a Grades stat of 3 for your child to be named Valedictorian. Edgewick Academy, the expensive private school where being the creme de la creme is encouraged, is the school with the highest Valedictorian grade requirements at 4. You can get this achievement at any of the schools, however Grades only starts being tracked in high school. Here are the choices that increase it, by year. Year 14: 1. Make sure that your kid takes advanced classes, and maybe some demanding electives as well. When they inevitably have trouble keeping up, help them with time management, or throw money at the problem with a tutor. Don’t leave them to struggle. 2. Make sure that your kid doesn’t continue to improve further in their extracurricular activity, to the point of considering it a viable career. Either they are loaded down with electives, or you personally vetoed their choice to try to monetize their skills. Year 15: 1. Get the “Access Denied” achievement, or have your child fail their first attempt (attempt to get “Das Boot” and fail). The lack of license boosts their grades at the expense of popularity and independence (if you got “Access Denied”). Year 16: 1. Don’t let your child get a job. Not sure if volunteer work counts as a job for the purpose of Grades boosting. 2. Push your child to study for the SAT? Year 17 does not contain any grade-boosting events. You will probably want your child to pursue an Ivy League education, so set them up for it. If you apply for academic scholarships in Year 18, you will find out about the impending valedictory here. You then help your child write their speech. Bask in the glory while you can…. |
| Sustaining a Sister | You get this achievement if Lana comes to your child’s graduation party. This requires you to have “Family Matters” already, and to not have destroyed your relationship with her and her child as part of the year 12 visit. “Paging Kenny Loggins” is possible to get in the same playthrough as this achievement. However, “Outsourcing” is much harder to get on the same playthrough as this achievement. |
| Fostering a Friendship | You get this achievement if your child’s first friend is still their best friend after graduation, and their parent is your friend too. On a non-random playthrough, this requires your child to do the bean project from Year 6 with their friend when they transfer schools, rather than with their other two friends Mickey and Lori. This also requires you/your child to have resolved the bullying event peacefully (if your child is the victim and the friend is the bully), or with an apology (if your child is the bully and the friend is the victim). If you have drifted apart from the friend regardless, reconnect in “This is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things” when their parent calls in concern for your injured child, by picking either the second or third options for both choices relating to the call. This achievement is one of the easier ones to get. |
| Protecting a Parent | This achievement is mutually exclusive with “Don’t Look Back in Anger” and requires the child’s bio-parent to be alive. In Year 15, choose to reconnect with them, and make sure that your child is also open to reconnecting. PLEASE NOTE: if the bio-parent is an ex, they remain an ex (they were an ex for a reason), and the birthmother in the adoption scenario is also NOT a potential romantic partner. |
| Death by Degrees | Pay for both tuition and housing for your future college student out of the college fund. This requires you to choose to do so when given a choice of how to pay for school. |
| Break Out the Packing Tape | Get mementos of all of these events inside the memory box you prepare for your kid that’s moving out: 1. Money jar (saved money, always present) 2. Water dish (pet, only accessible with Pet Get! (and The Finder on non-random playthroughs)) 3. Birthday card from Lana (Lana and Louis; only accessible if you had achieved Family Matters earlier) 4. Birth certificate (bio-parent; only accessible if you DO NOT have Don’t Look Back in Anger) 5. Photo of your child and their first friend from Year 1 (friend, always present). All of these will have different text based on the relationship and fate of the characters the items represent. The jar represents how much money you’ve saved up over the course of the game. |
| A Sporting Chance | Pick a sport (football, baseball, basketball, soccer, gymnastics, karate) as your child’s extracurricular, and raise their Athletics whenever you can (if you get “Reading the Room” in Year 7, you are on the right track), and try not to raise Education (since the stats are diametrically opposed, raising one is lowering the other). Push them to join the better team/studio/dojo instead of continuing as usual in Year 9. Make sure that your child is on the college prep path in Year 14, but without APs or overly demanding electives. P.E. can be an elective, but it’s not necessary. Make sure that they join their school’s sports team (football, basketball, soccer, baseball) or place well in competition (gymnastics, karate) in Year 14. It helps for them to get a job relating to their sport in Year 16, but it is not necessary. Make sure that they are primed to pursue athletic scholarships and potential professional sports in Year 17, and then actually make sure of it in Year 18. After packing up the memory box, this achievement should pop up. Gimme a “W”! |
| Family in Film | This is the pinnacle of the Acting career. To get there, you need to unlock Drama as an extracurricular and pursue it. First, get your child the lead role in the Year 9 play as described earlier (56+ Education & Popularity on own, 50+ with practicing at home, or messing with the other children’s auditions to make yours look better as in “Lending an Underhand”). If you are completely disengaged from the play (option 4), they will not get the lead role regardless of their stats. Then send them to drama camp one way or another in Year 10. Next, in Year 12, the option to try out for a commercial will appear. Make sure that your kid gets the part (keep Edu and Pop high, keep a social media following, and when in doubt, use cash to bribe other parents, to boost a random roll in your favor) as described in “The Power of Gift Cards”. Then in Year 14, choose to do the movie role and hire a drama coach. Go all in on drama as an extracurricular. From here on, ensure that Popularity is higher than Education. If they are equal, or Education is greater than Popularity, your child will still have a successful career in the performing arts, but not an (sizable) IMDb page, and certainly not this achievement. It helps to get them an early driver’s test pass (“Das Boot”) and for them to have a job in the local community theater. Their SAT score will not matter in this playthrough. You…r child is not gunning for an Ivy League education here. In Year 17, prime them to continue acting and drama in later life, and in Year 18, have them try for a drama scholarship. It should be a partial scholarship, and you can either pay, get a student loan, or encourage your kid to get a job to pay for housing. After graduation and the memory box, this achievement should pop up in the epilogue. You are a star! |
| The Master | Pick a cerebral activity (piano, art, STEM, violin, games [either chess or e-sports]) as your child’s extracurricular, and raise their Education whenever you can (if you get “A Brain Too Big for its Britches” in Year 7, you are on the right track), and try not to raise Athletics (since the stats are diametrically opposed, raising one is lowering the other). Get them a specialized tutor instead of continuing as usual in Year 9. Make sure that your child is on the college prep path, but without APs or overly demanding electives (however this is workable with APs and low-effort extracurriculars such as study hall, due to the kid’s immense education stat), except the one that relates to their activity (band, tech, art). It is helpful to do that one, but not necessary. Make sure that they place well in the competition (games, STEM), their work sells well (art), or they successfully challenge for first chair (piano, violin) in Year 14. It helps for them to get a job relating to their activity in Year 16, but it is not necessary. Make sure that they are primed to pursue further activity studies and further creative glory in Year 17, and then actually make sure of it in Year 18. After packing up the memory box, this achievement should pop up. Magnificent! |
| Work is Work | This achievement is what you get if your child does a job that is not related to an extracurricular (jobs that are related, but do not get “The Master”/”A Sporting Chance”/”Family in Film” do not get Work is Work), but is not connected to an Ivy League education. The jobs that do not yield “In Recognition” (lawyer, politician, veterinarian) from the Ivy League school also do not count for this achievement (while they aren’t Nobel-worthy, they are still exceptional, because your child completed and thrived in the educational environment of an Ivy). Another way to not get this achievement is if your child chooses a major with more intuitive applications in the work force at the state school (because they end up working a job that they like and set out for, such as upper management of your company at a relatively young age). Typically, your child has crashed and burned when attempting to obtain Ivy League glory, or made some bad decisions in their state school education, or simply started in the work force after they graduated high school. Your child can work a variety of jobs. However, the nature of these jobs is varied based on their stats, and also based on the decisions you made (especially regarding promotions). It is a wonderfully varied ending, just like life. |
| In Recognition | Here is my personal favorite ending! This achievement is not tied to an extracurricular at all, but it is a good idea for your child to do one anyway, specifically a cerebral one. This achievement is a rather cerebral one indeed. Make sure your Education stat is very high (if you get the “Moonshot” achievement on “A Brain too Big for its Britches” in Year 7, you are on the right track). However, you should also make sure that your child is an independent sort as well, make sure of it by pushing them to make their own choices and do things on their own (within reason). Push your child to try harder in the extracurricular in Year 9; even though you are not seeking mastery, it’s still an Education buff. In Year 14, make sure that your kid takes APs, and help them get their act together regarding time management (or throw money at the problem). Do not personally hamstring their extracurricular success (you want your kid to NOT choke under your smothering; Freedom is rather helpful for this achievement because it means they are pursuing personal academic achievement out of their own free will), however their success or failure has no bearing on this achievement. If you haven’t already, raise your Sacrifice stat; you can raise it by suggesting a good deed in Year 15 during the day off. It does not matter how you handle the driver’s license; both Das Boot and Access Denied do not sabotage this achievement. The best way to actually get this achievement is to attempt Das Boot but not actually get it; your child gets the Grades boost with much less damage to Independence and Freedom. In Year 16, ensure that your child volunteers instead of getting a job. This will give them an extra point toward getting into an Ivy League school. Since your child cannot choose to volunteer out of their own free will, you have to choose for them. Then, push them to study for the SAT. Ideally they will have low enough popularity to succeed at getting a 1410 (your little slacker!). However, they do not need the high score to get to the school of their choice. In Year 17, prime them to go for an Ivy League education, and in Year 18, choose a grades-based scholarship. The only way for this to be a complete scholarship is if your child is the valedictorian, which is difficult to get with this achievement because the low Independence, Freedom, and Traditional stats usually caused by the Grades raises needed for Valedictorian usually makes it impossible for them to finish college. Pay, encourage your kid to work, or get a student loan, if they don’t have enough scholarship money. Your child will carve their name on the annals of history! |
| You Like Me, You Really Like Me | Raise Sacrifice to be very high. Your kid will become a kind and self-sacrificing adult, although almost to their detriment. They love you and care about you deeply, and remain in touch out of their own free will, and respect and honor you as their parent. |
| The Circle Closes | You get this achievement automatically at the end of the game. This is one of six achievements that is obtained every playthrough. |
| The Razor’s Edge | Balance at least one pair of stats at 50/50 by the end of the game. It’s very difficult to do on purpose without reading the code. The easiest way to get this achievement is to do a lot of different playthroughs (excellent for collecting the other achievements!) and get lucky. If you want this achievement on purpose, you would have to write down the outcomes of every single choice. An easier stat pair for this achievement is Freedom/Structure, or Traditional/Modern. |
Those are some of the most elaborate achievements I’ve ever seen, and this is coming from someone who once completed Fallout New Vegas in Hardcore Mode.