The Order of Valour (WIP Ver. 2.1)

I’ve begun work on my first game The Order Of Valour. In it, you play a knight who’s part of the Order Of Valour an order dedicated to protecting the realm, its people and its religion.

To play the demo, go here

Updates may come once or twice a month. An update can range from 3k words to 10k words

Writer's thoughts

The plot has been planned out but this writing may take forever.

Update Log

Dec 16:1500 words, The Stats screen’s skeleton.
Dec 17:I restructured the beginning and the plot a bit.
Dec 22:Nothing significant
2021
Jan 6:A few thousand words.

Expectations

300,000 words
About twelve ROs you’ll get to know them as you play

Feedback I expect

I’m sure there will be no bugs but I expect feedback about the plot, explanation of stats, punctuation and even negative criticism .That’s right I want you to tell me what you really think about it.

58 Likes

First, I would suggest to allow players choose names like War for the West, it’s shorter and more convenient
Second, I think you should display our three ability stats to the main stat screen instead of put them into the same category as personality
Third, great potential

8 Likes

I’ll think about it

Here is a small piece of microlevel feedback to get you started.

Commas get a space after them. Periods do not have a space between them and the character before them.

So, commas and periods are like this. <- Note the spacing in this example sentence for both the comma and the period.

5 Likes

Thanks I think I got it mixed up :grinning:

1 Like

Not much to go on now but its shaping up. Keep up the work.
Some errors I found -


I think it’ll be sir green instead of Greg.


Nard and not nard.

That’s about it I think.

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@Gower and @Paradox1 I think all has been corrected

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I’ve been thinking and reading about knights for the past two hours and now there’s a wip for it … coincedence I think not!

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:grin:

There’s already romance, also it doesn’t need to be added to nsfw for romance.

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Honestly, I don’t know. There was a lot of set-up and no real action or plot. I didn’t like that I had to input everything my own, and I don’t think that choosing our mother’s name is necessary in the slightest. However, the premise sounds interesting and I’ll definitely be keeping my eye on it.

2 Likes
  • You should probably add a non-binary option.
  • add a space after every period
  • Still a bit rough around the edges. I suggest pasting the text into something that will read it to you, that helps me catch mistakes or things that sound weird
  • Do we really need to customize every detail? I found it tedious, just tell us what our mother/father name is, what our sigil is, what the castle is named. We do not need to customize everything.
  • If possible, find a way to organically introduce the choices about your name and the other stuff. Rather than just “What’s your name?” Make it something like “Sir Greg approaches on horseback. It’s a pleasure to ride with you Sir…” Then add the choice there.
11 Likes

Some more context would improve it a lot.
It took me 2 replays to realize we are marching to fight bandits, and some hot minute to realize that Green is a person’s name.
Who they are and what’s our house role were also unexplained yet.

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Good start. Keep it up bro waiting for more update :relaxed:

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I guess I was too rushed to upload the demo

Yes I actually thought of that but I realised I might forget to include a stat and plus I like to customize each and every detail what I actually hate is when a writer spends too much time explaining things

:rofl: My mistake there maybe

You could give us options to chose form, like you did with the name. I started typing in “hskhfk” for everything because I got so bored.

Yeah, when you said it was 1500 words, I got a little apprehensive.

3 Likes

I’ll do that in my next update right now I’m writng the three different battle scenes . It’s not actually just about the battles though but half of it is.

I’ll be honest. It would be a much better demo if you started with fighting the bandits and put every single customization option after that battle. As of now, there’s not much to hook the reader, because you haven’t delivered on your premise at all. Remember, people came for the knight fighting for the kingdom stuff - that’s what attracted them to it, and by not initially delivering on that, you’re putting off (if not driving away) everyone who came for it, which is your main audience.

Additionally, I’m not suggesting copying and pasting every choice so they’re all right after the battle grouped together. I recommend the name and gender stuff going together, then the family crest maybe a little while after, and the castle/father/mother stuff a bit after that. You know, break it up a little. Also, I agree that more organic introductions would make things a lot more immersive and a lot less boring. Things that someone saying the character’s name and player getting to fill it in, maybe a knight glancing at the crest and commenting on the design, that sort of thing.

That said, that’s assuming you desperately want to keep everything customizable in the demo customizable. Personally, I would vastly prefer if the crest, castle, house name, and parents’ names were all set, especially if that would allow them to be more relevant to the story (I’m thinking especially there could be a interesting plot thread regarding the crest - why does it represent the thing it does? Who [supposedly] founded the house?) It’s hard to do that with a fill in, because oftentimes it breaks immersion and has people saying, “wait a minute, this subplot doesn’t fit my crest at all!”

Another benefit to making it set would be avoiding those nasty spoilers. By adding that note about immersion, you ironically both broke my immersion and told me dragons, red rose, and red lightning were all going to somehow important to the story, but at the same time it would have been totally avoidable if you the player couldn’t input it, rendering it unnecessary in the first place.

Though like has been mentioned, a good compromise with what you have now might be a few choices no input ability. A limited number of crests, perhaps with their own subplots, could be interesting and could maybe provide a stat boost.

A slightly ridiculous example:

My crest is…

A blue-and-yellow duck among sable reeds [+10 Courage +10 Physicality]

A purple swan swimming in a twilight blue lake [+10 Charm +10 Grace]

A brown dog in a grassy green field [+10 Steadfast +10 Bleeding Heart]

[Descriptions for each crest to make it clear to player what raises which stat]

[Is this your crest? Yes/No]

That’s about it for feedback on the current demo. I believe it has potential, you just need to restructure it a bit and keep a few things in mind going forward (organic intros for choices, limiting customization to non excessive amounts and not putting it all in a row to make pages of it etc.)

9 Likes