Uh just a question, why is the father’s name part of yours?
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When you are playing as a female it says you took over as Baron of your father’s estate, Baroness is for a female.
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I enjoyed all the personalisation It was a nice change in my opinion a lot of the wips and finished games I have played don’t have much other than the character and little if it has it about family crest if it has it from what I remember
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as someone who wastes lot of times just customising a character, I really enjoyed the character customisation so far. lol
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Thank you all for your feedback
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I like the start. The game has so much potential. I would say to let us choose our house name. The game is great and can’t wait for more.
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I’m not voting yet… I liked the customization so far, what I could suggest was already said by paradise up there. I’m waiting for the story now, then i’m going to vote, but I’m hopeful it has been a while since I last got a good knight game, keep the good work ^^.
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The demo is currently about 3k words. So the bandits part is over for now. I’m working on what happens after the bandits part. It’s about five thousand words and maybe I’ll write a little about the history just to give the reader a clearer picture of the game’s setting.
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Also the fact that your herald is chosen for you is meant to be something important in the story. Your family had a long relationship with the King and played an important role in the kingdom. I also fixed some minor errors
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I loved it so far. Very nice detail of battle. Can’t wait for more.
A buy was when it said elena was leading 2nd division while you lead it.
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I just added something to the non-binary feature-you are viewed as a Knight rather than a person. I also fixed the everything relating to the Baron/Baroness issue. It should run smoothly now.
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I’d like to add that some ROs will die in this story.
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the angst and pain- why must we suffer… 
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WEll i think it is pretty cool and awsome. Nothing much to say untill the full game is realsed. You also need to correct some errors. Good game
So I might not be adding an update this month. I actually wrote something small but decided the scene wasn’t that interesting. I’m thinking of uploading on Valentine’s day but don’t take it as a promise.
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@Daring_Knight I have played the demo game and found it very intriguing. Although, there can be improvements made which I have suggested below but I hope you complete the game in future otherwise it will be a shame if you don’t complete it. (Perhaps because I enjoyed the game so far 
)
Okay, first of all, the errors which I noticed in the text:
• Here when I looked into the context in this part, it felt very odd to me. It could have something simple as: When you look over Greg, he is wearing a light Armor and he seems to be in a serious mood, perhaps recounting what will be the best course of action.
• Although it would be better if you describe him in this part so that we can imagine the person riding with me. Further, if the MC knows him since the past, then little bit of background story would be better like he was my friend in my childhood but as we grew up he became more serious with his teachings to accomplish his goal of becoming one of the greatest knight in the realm or something like that…
• Here, you could have avoided few periods which I kinda feel is unnecessary. See in the part where the MC turns the advantage of the pikeman to his weakness. First, there should be a addition of the word, “that” in the line: It Appears that he is untrained and you turn his advantage in his weakness and easily slay him. (Period successfully avoided. Periods are well and good but if you put it unnecessary then it kinda gives unnecessary pause…)
• Further in this page, I feel you should add that when the MC looks into Greg to see how he is faring, he has already slain two pikeman and fighting the third one.
When you are writing such games, it becomes important part for the writer to visualise the battlefield. That makes it more immersive. If you want to improve in it then I guess you can look into descriptive writings in online which surely helps to write such things.
Here, I guess “shed wall” will be shield wall and “wouuld” will be “would”.
• Also, in the first few lines where the MC is charging towards the enemy, I know that I charging with my men so I don’t need to know again that Greg is with me or not. You can write that the MC is charging ahead towards the enemy in full gallop with his men or something like that.
Now these were the errors or suggestions which I can make up looking through the text. Now, overall suggestions/feedback after completing the demo:
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Firstly, I believe, Elena is also a knight and a female NPC, so putting a Lady before her name would be appropriate to show her designation which seems to be missing when you mention Sir Green and Elena throughout the game.
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While I was going through all the valuable suggestions and feedbacks given by others on this game, I have seen that some people were saying to remove the customisation of my father’s name, mother name etc,. Here, I can suggest you to keep the father of the MC alive (for a some time and then lay him in death bed due to old age or anything you like) and simply mention him as Lord Beston and Lady Beston for the MC’s mother (or any name which you choose for the lands which the MC’s father rule/MC’s mother rule).
If any NPC has to speak something regarding the MC’s father then you can add lines like this: Your father, Lord Beston is renowned for his contributions in the realms Great War…
It will be the same if any NPC has to say something about MC’s mother: Your mother, Lady Beston was the daughter of a powerful and wealthy Noble…
Like this, you can completely leave the naming part of the MC’s parents while also making sure that each player of the game can keep the name of the MC’s in it’s own mind.
Apart from that, I think you should keep a portion to customise the sigil of my house. Personally, in my opinion, I want to keep the sigil of my house according to me for my own personal reasons whatever it may be just so that I can be connected to the story further more. By this, I mean, that, you should keep different preset options like gryffin or lion or other valuable suggestions which other members have given above, before me… You can add the option where I can choose the colors of my sigil or my banner tho…
- Keep a brief introduction about the land which I am ruling. For example, if my father was Lord Beston then give a brief introduction about the location like: “Beston is located near the port of Haventorn where all kinds of sailors and merchants around the world come and interact (or eat and drink or stay or whatever it maybe…) I still remember the strong winds which use to come from that port…” and so on like that but a brief intro should be there and then ask the player, “Is it the land which your father rule?” Or something like that.
That gives a more interesting plot where you can plan that in future if you wish to keep MC there and manage the castle and all in later part of his life or perhaps along his journey. (But don’t give spoilers here, just a hint shall be fine 
)
- More interaction in the battle. I feel completely useless in the battle as I have no control on what I am doing. Also, no commander simply just charge in, they plan what their move will be. If I want to use diplomacy (high diplomacy stat) then I simply demand to talk with their leader and talk some sense to him and give him a carrot. If he doesn’t, well, I will use my stick and force him to do what I want (with my troops).
This was the same issue in the HQ battle part as well. Why will Lady Elena just charge in to the HQ when her allies have not arrived yet. Make no sense there, I was quite shocked and doubting her abilities and skills of a commander who simply attacked the HQ just because she arrived there first… Lady Elena shall wait for her other allies or for the MC and then plan the next course of action, leaving the decision to charge in or use diplomacy or wait for Sir Green to arrive… (If the MC waits for Sir Green then you can make the situation that bandits will quietly attack you from different sides forcing the MC to fight.
- Name of my horse… You kept the automated choices are fine, but keeping a part where I don’t like any of them can be better. Also, why do I feel like the names are a bit rhyming with the land which I ruling. Like I rule the land of Beston and the name of my horse is Aston (although it was my choice to name both the places) but hilariously it keeps suggesting me, I am in a poem…
Jokes apart, names can be improved… If you like then you can search few names online which will be better and more choices for name of my horse will surely be better. Also, instead of putting the last name of my father, it will be better if I simply just state the last name of the MC, keep the preset choices but keep a choice to customise my last name as well.
But don’t remove the preset choices for the name of the land which the MC rule, if you plan to write details about the places then it will be better if the places are limited but ofcourse, please there should be better names for places instead of Beston.
Conclusion: As it is your first game, you will surely bounce upon problems or sometimes there will be writer’s block but I am sure, if you’re determined then you will surely move past it and have an awesome game. The game has potential and you need to just keep reviewing it, that will surely help.
If you need further assistance with anything, you can ping me anytime. I am mostly active in the forum apart from the days when I have exams and all but that’s all.
Looking forward to play more chps of the game
Best of Luck! 
Namaste 
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Yeah thanks for spotting those errors. Great ideas you put in your post. I guess I’ll make the MC’s herald a matter of choice. Yeah actually about the battle part maybe I’m not actually giving the MC too much control but I was avoiding a situation where there would be too much choices and make it seem much like a game. I’ll improve on that. I’m actually putting great hopes on February as I know March maybe a bit difficult because Things I don’t want to mention Actually you’re the commander put in charge. As for Elena’s part I feel she’s more of holding off the bandits and they attacked her. I think I’ll rewrite that scene. Keep in mind that I’ll add more descriptions of the MCs background after. I didn’t actually want to bombard the player with lots of irrelevant facts. Even the “history of Hanuba” in the stats screen doesn’t actually tell you everything. I’m trying to keep things as interesting as possible by making ROs backgrounds, history, culture, religion and the MC’s background distributed throughout the play rather than feeling you’re just reading “irrelevant facts” Thanks for all your efforts. How exactly did you know that your province will be near a port?. I guess I kinda hinted it
So i was actually thinking about making choices in stats that couldn’t be chosen. So I’m opening up horsename, mothername, castlename and housename. I’m still deciding whether to make your herald free to choose as this will shake the entire foundation of the storyJust kidding. It will only affect various sayings in an unwritten part
Happy Valentine’s Day everyone. Today was the day I said I was going to update the WiP but I realized that all these short term goals were not really as efficient as putting a long term goal and were much more costly. I have learned a lot from releasing just a few thousand words-lessons I will always remember and I’ll like to thank all of you who spotted the various errors in the game. You’re probably wondering what this all means
Summary
I actually decided that I will want to consider having a long term goal of finishing chapter one than correcting errors and that this open topic was a distraction and I would love it if one of the @moderators closed this topic. I’m still working on this though.
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