Very enjoyable. I was perhaps confused a bit with your description of the doors but maybe I just didn’t read it carefully enough. However, everything past that was clear and straight forward. I eagerly anticipate reading more of this work!
I can always tell I’m going to like someone’s WIP when I get to the end and involuntarily say “aw” because there’s no more to read.
The only other comment I have at this point is that I’d like more background info on the world you’ve created. The MC obviously understands it and their place in it, but as a reader I felt a little unmoored.
Very promising beginning, and I look forward to reading more!
Thanks! I’m not sure yet what the best way to communicate pertinent information about the world is… I don’t want to infodump. Hopefully I’ll figure something out!
I liked it so far. It was short but well written and entertaining. I’d like to know how old everyone is though. And shouldn’t we remember the headmaster can tell if you’re lying before we lie?
the story tell you this : “He takes twelve every year. And you have to be at least fourteen years old, and no more than eighteen.” You knew the age restrictions already, but… only twelve? Out of everyone here?
It’s a good start! The pacing is steady and you get a feel for the characters in the short interactions with them. I appreciate the lack of exposition as well, I guess we’ll figure out things by context?
The demo is short but I really like where this is going It has a slightly more serious tone compared to other stories of the same genre which I’m all for! The dialogue is super formal and all the characters so far seem intruiging.
Mistakes I caught
Not sure if “Known World” is the name of your universe or if it was just a mistake but known should be lowercase. If not, I quite like the name! It’s simple but does it’s job well.
If you want to explain more about the world you’re creating without it being an info dump, you could just put everything about the world into the stats section while giving a brief summary of the world during the story.
@JMH: the protagonist is 14. In theory I could offer a choice, but I’d rather not create an age gap between you and the other students, particularly the romantic interests.
@Baam: That would be convenient for the protagonist, but I don’t think it’s too implausible that it slips your mind in the heat of the moment. And since there’s no penalty for lying, I don’t think it’s unfair.
@Johann: Thanks for catching those issues! I may also go through and try to de-formalize some character’s dialogue… it makes more sense for some than others.
(Also, as someone new to actively using these forums, even if my account isn’t new… is the convention here to reply individually the way I did at first, or lump replies together into one post like I did just now? I’m very pleased to have the “problem” of numerous replies to respond to, of course, but I’d like to know how best to do it!)