I’ve begun work on my new game The Liminal Academy. In it, you play a student, learning magic and… well, that would be a spoiler.
I’m not sure what percentage I’m at… possibly 0%, if I end up rewriting the beginning further down the road. But feedback would still be appreciated.
To play the demo, go here: https://dashingdon.com/play/morganr/the-liminal-academy/
Is the game just focused on the school or is there going to something else?
Very enjoyable. I was perhaps confused a bit with your description of the doors but maybe I just didn’t read it carefully enough. However, everything past that was clear and straight forward. I eagerly anticipate reading more of this work!
I can always tell I’m going to like someone’s WIP when I get to the end and involuntarily say “aw” because there’s no more to read.
The only other comment I have at this point is that I’d like more background info on the world you’ve created. The MC obviously understands it and their place in it, but as a reader I felt a little unmoored.
Very promising beginning, and I look forward to reading more!
Looking forward to seeing more!
I like it!! I wanna read MOAR!
oh one thing…a recommandation : IF you choose to lie , the option to ask if the guy can detect lie shouldn’t be there , right ?
There will be opportunities to do things outside, but the focus of the game is the school.
Thanks! It’s definitely a potentially confusing concept, so hopefully I’ll be able to get it across.
Thanks! I’m not sure yet what the best way to communicate pertinent information about the world is… I don’t want to infodump. Hopefully I’ll figure something out!
Thanks, I’ll definitely make that change.
I like what’s there so far a lot, and I agree with @Joshua_Koch that learning more about the world would be good!
Out of curiosity, how old are the MC/the other students?
I liked it so far. It was short but well written and entertaining. I’d like to know how old everyone is though. And shouldn’t we remember the headmaster can tell if you’re lying before we lie?
well to both @Baam and @JMH
the story tell you this : “He takes twelve every year. And you have to be at least fourteen years old, and no more than eighteen.” You knew the age restrictions already, but… only twelve? Out of everyone here?
So I’m guessing we are in there…somewhere lol
Oh I didn’t catch that in the demo.
It’s a good start! The pacing is steady and you get a feel for the characters in the short interactions with them. I appreciate the lack of exposition as well, I guess we’ll figure out things by context?
The demo is short but I really like where this is going It has a slightly more serious tone compared to other stories of the same genre which I’m all for! The dialogue is super formal and all the characters so far seem intruiging.
Mistakes I caught
Not sure if “Known World” is the name of your universe or if it was just a mistake but known should be lowercase. If not, I quite like the name! It’s simple but does it’s job well.
Should be the!
If you want to explain more about the world you’re creating without it being an info dump, you could just put everything about the world into the stats section while giving a brief summary of the world during the story.
Thank you all for the feedback!
@JMH: the protagonist is 14. In theory I could offer a choice, but I’d rather not create an age gap between you and the other students, particularly the romantic interests.
@Baam: That would be convenient for the protagonist, but I don’t think it’s too implausible that it slips your mind in the heat of the moment. And since there’s no penalty for lying, I don’t think it’s unfair.
@Johann: Thanks for catching those issues! I may also go through and try to de-formalize some character’s dialogue… it makes more sense for some than others.
@Unbearable: Thanks, that’s a good idea!
(Also, as someone new to actively using these forums, even if my account isn’t new… is the convention here to reply individually the way I did at first, or lump replies together into one post like I did just now? I’m very pleased to have the “problem” of numerous replies to respond to, of course, but I’d like to know how best to do it!)
Generally better to reply to multiple people in one post like you just did! Avoids cluttering the thread