Hello, I’m Pyrouge! I’ve been lurking around this community for a while now and I’ve finally decided to throw my hat into the ring, so to speak. I’ve begun work on my game, The Harbingers of Hansa’s Woods. It’s a fantasy horror game where you play as a caretaker within a magical refuge known as Hansa’s Woods. Currently, the demo has just the prologue, and I am working on refining some worldbuilding/writing chapter one.
Due to my hectic life situation (I’m trying to get into college) I cannot say when HHW will be updated, but you can check out the tumblr for updates.
Edit: Hey everyone because of the content of this game and real world events, I am putting this WIP on an indefinite hiatus. I’m sorry to everyone who was following this WIP but I simply cannot work on it while this all is happening. I may or may not return to it at a later date.
This demo has me hooked! I’ll certainly be following the story, and I wish you the best of luck with your writing, although I highly doubt you need it.
The way you write the scene is riveting and seems very fitting for the setting + the premise is really intriguing.
On the shorter side of demos, but I absolutely adore your writing and the premise! (Ahem anything with magic is an instant like from me…) I like how you weaved lore into the narrative. Info dumps usually scare me so it’s a nice surprise when I don’t read one. I know the very descriptive style of your writing may not be everyone’s cup of tea but I do appreciate how I can feel what’s going on. Not easily accomplished that’s for sure.
Also I wish you well with getting into college! Don’t stress about updating the demo constantly and remember to keep your chin up.
I’m extremely intrigued by what you have so far! This is ticking a lot of my boxes and I’m excited to see more.
I’ve got some typos I noticed
this first one is a style thing, but I’d maybe replace the first strange with another word, having two strangest that close together is… a little strange!
“the present” is repeated twice here
forward is typoed here
Thanks for sharing the story!
This is really cool so far! You’re exceptionally good at creating atmosphere and I love it! I know you stats page is not done but I wanted to ask if maybe you were going to add an archive of some sort? Possibly to explain races or other words (like Sovereign or Harbinger) so that it doesn’t need to be explained in full during the story?
One tiny typo, just needs a period :)
Oof, I love me some magical world ending rituals and loosing my arm to lich dragons, so count me in!!
I have a nitpick though, for the last page of the demo, when you choose “touch the bloody runes on the stump”
There’s a lot of repetition of the word “pain”, sometimes twice in a sentense. Blame it of literature teachers hammering in my head the importance of not repeating words, but I just find the narration flow kind of hitching there -does this explanation make any sense?-
You could try -if you want- to use actions, like the ones you already have to show us the emotion, rather than naming it.
“You scream, but nothing you seem to do eases the pain. The pain spreads up from your hand and your arm until you collapse on the ground, writhing in pain.”
you could play with the sentenses so that they flow a little better, like:
“You scream, but nothing you seem to do eases the pain. The sensation spreads up from your hand and your arm until you collapse on the ground, writhing.”
You have already told us what we are feeling and are very descriptive, so trust your imagery to convey the rest.
Sorry for going into teacher mode, feel free to ignore this if it doesn’t work for you.
I really look forward to reading more, this prologue was a rollercoaster for me, in the best way possible!
I wasn’t sure whether responding to comments of this nature is acceptable on this kind of forum, but, it’s my thread and I’ve decided that I can’t let such kind words go unnoticed. Thank you! I really appreciate the support I’ve been given, especially since this is my first time doing something like this. I hope the following updates hold up to your expectations!
It is acceptable and encouraged!
I’m trying to stay away from information dumps here, which is hard because there’s already a lot of worldbuilding involved with this project. I’m glad you enjoyed what I have so far, I was far too eager to finish more of it and then share it. Besides, this is very valuable feedback. Thank you for reading!
(Also, thanks for your wishes! They turned out well- I’ve been accepted into two different schools so far!)
Okay, so I just figured out how to reply to more than one person at once, so… that’s good! Please pardon me if I do something wrong here.
Thank you for grabbing those! I try my best to look through all of my work, but you know how it is! I’m glad you’re enjoying this so far.
Thank you for your kind words! I’m hoping that the majority of exposition can be conveyed in a natural manner to the reader through the story, but I’ve stumbled across an interesting roadblock in the form of realizing that the MC knows much more about this world than the player does, and that will be something I’ll have to keep in mind with this story. To more directly answer your question- I have considered adding an archive! I’m unsure at this point if I’ll include it, but since I actually write out a lot of my worldbuilding in that manner I just may include it in the future (especially if there’s a demand for it).
Thank you for your feedback! I really appreciate it. That scene in particular was one I really struggled to write. I’ve found that pain is a hard sensation to describe. It’s certainly one I’m looking to go back to and make some edits to! Anyways, thank you again for reading and I’m really glad you like what I have so far.
I’m sure whatever you decide to do it will be phenomenal! I’m very excited for the WIP to update and will definitely be watching this thread! Maybe if you did choose to add an archive it could be “unlocked” at a certain point after the prologue
this is really interesting so far! i really like how everything was written, and the style and descriptiveness really draws me in. the plot is really interesting so far, too! i’m looking forward to seeing what happens next!
this is a really enticing story I can tell you put some time into this first chapter, I can’t wait to see where this story goes!
Thanks! I’m sorry I didn’t respond to this sooner. I’m glad you appreciate the writing style, I’ve been working hard to make this work. I hope you enjoy the first chapter when it goes up!
Thank you for the kind words! Quite frankly, I’m excited to see where this story goes too- I have a general idea but things like this always tend to change quite a bit between drafts.
Hey everyone! I know it’s been a while. Writing has been going slow but chapter one is still coming along. I wanted to get some thoughts about how I should update HHW moving forward. Would people prefer me to update chapters all at once or in several smaller chunks? Smaller sections would mean more and faster updates, but you wouldn’t get the entire chapter right away. A chapter by chapter update schedule will mean much slower updates. EDIT: this poll will close likely around March 1st.
- Chapter by Chapter Updates
- Section by Section Updates
(Also, I introduced the five romance options on my tumblr today! The first post will be revamped with this new information included soon.)
This is a really interesting, and I always love supernatural elements that blend in with a more grounded reality. I found the ideas really interesting, and despite not having any idea before hand the lore was quite easy to understand. Keep up the good work, I can’t wait to read more!
The demo seems really intriguing, so I can’t wait to see where you take it!
@Pyrouge, please contact a leader or moderator to let them know whenever you’d like this unlocked!