The Fables of Foxbridge (WIP - 16 OCT.)

hello! fancy seeing you here, on a public forum of all places (,:

i took one coding class in my third year of college, for a single quarter, and have despised it since, so here I am, naturally, of course. basically, i’m an infant when it comes to coding, but i just love this space of writing too much to let the fear of coding keep me away!

here’s the demo with just a very long prologue for now! please enjoy!

DEMO: https://dashingdon.com/go/6553

SUMMARY

Strange doesn’t happen in Silverkeep.

Magic doesn’t cling to the grout of the cobblestone street or to the old brick that exists cohesively to house the few that live there. Every day that passes is just like the one before it, identical reflections of a mundane life where you work at a narrow little bookstore on a street with other endearing little shops with their endearing owners.

But when strange does come in the odd shapes and colors of a refurbished antique shop and its peculiar occupants, you wonder if the mundane will continue to cling to the old brick and smooth stone of Silverkeep or yield to the magic that will inevitably spill through its crevices, and through yours.

RO'S (8)

be attracted, friendly, or indifferent with whoever you want! but y’all are getting the bare minimum, so suffer (:<

o Casimireasygoing, lighthearted, smooth

o Linhhot-tempered, snarky, straightforward

o Odiahcunning, charismatic, troublemaker

o Ehaliaplayful, jaunty, mischievous

o Severinwarm, stoic, observant

o Callencautious, protective, stern

o Eldrinshy, gentle, saccharine

o Sinnaraloof, ruthless, unapproachable

PROGRESS

PROLOGUE: 11k ― complete!|
CH. 1: 1% (lol) ― in the outline stage!|

i don’t really have a schedule at the moment, considering i just wrote a spur-of-a-moment prologue, but i have a rough idea of how i want this to go. i have 5-6 chapters in mind, but it can be more, if i’m being honest, because self-control? i don’t know her ((:

i do have a very empty tumblr if people are ever so wonderfully curious, so come on over @swordlys

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This is so interesting! The banner–ugh so gorgeous. I hope we get to see more! I like the way you write, it’s thoughtful and precise and I guess, and I did find a typo: “iss” on the first page.
But really, other than that the demo is good! :)) kudos!

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I like the game, it sounds so promising but I think you should simplify the options. For I can’t quite figure where the shy reaction, bold, or genuine ones or is it just me the idiot who play this at 2 am XD. Thank you❤️

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Hey two things I caught!

  1. When we were deciding how our relationship with our sister was, I would’ve liked an option to just accept her affection but not further it. It seems like the only options right now are to flinch away, back out, or lean into her. I feel like my bold, stoic MC wouldn’t cuddle into her sister in public.

  2. When I chose to run after the figure, for some reason it set my cautious stat to 100% which doesn’t seem right at all.

Other than that I would like to say that the bold stoic flirt option with Cas was amazingly written. I hope there are more good stoic flirts in your future because I feel like a lot of authors mess those up.

I’m really intrigued by this premise and hope to see more =)

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typos, the common enemy! and thanks so much, the banners were way too fun to make, so i’m glad you liked them (,:

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you’re totally right! definitely have to go back and tweak that, so thank you for pointing it out!

and the stoic bold flirting was actually one of my favorites to write, so i’m glad you liked it (,:

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2 AM? are you me? lol but i can totally understand why it could be confusing! i’ll try and go back to make it a little more obvious if i can! ((:

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I love it, I can just tell this is gonna be one of my favourites

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Disclaimer: I was too tired to read very far into this, which also might be the culprit behind some of the following pointers.
Generally, it seemed interesting, and I’ll continue reading tomorrow, when I have the energy to be more appreciative.

Feedback

If I’m reading right (and I’m definitely not sure I am), in the very first choice, when you think about greeting Lihn, you have 3 flirty options, 1 teasing, and 1 negative?
Is there none that are just friendly? Or is that the first option, even though the word ‘longing’ is used, and empathized?
(Wait, is the third option meant to be flirty or mean? On a third reading, I’m really unsure.)
Choosing the teasing option, didn’t seem to have any impact on any stats, not even relationship?

Okay, second choice and I’m again feeling unsure what impact my choice will have. I know I have more difficulty with these things, but I really think this could be made clearer.

I second @Isabella_Taylor’s point about a more neutral reaction to Josie’s touch.

he says, voice made of gold and glass,

I think this is supposed to mean smooth? My initial association with glass was ‘sharp’, like broken glass.

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no, you’re good! i think all your points are totally fair even with the lack of much needed sleep, which i hope you have the chance to get.

when you meet Linh, there’s two friendly options, two flirty options, and one where you can be indifferent towards her. maybe i could somehow incorporate a more straightforward way to fix the confusion? first choose if you’re friendly with linh, in whatever way you want, and then reiterate in the same breathe if those feelings extend into something a little more romantic?

as for the second choice, with the list of skills, i was going to bring that back in chapter one! but, yeah, i think you’re right. i think it could be better to give it some significance towards the end of the prologue when your character goes after the dancer in some way?

yes, absolutely. i’m currently working on that, so that should be fun.

i… may or may not have written that on a very late night last week, so it had its moment, but i think it’s fair to delete it now haha.

thanks for taking the time to give me feedback, though, even with how tired you are!

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that’s so nice to hear, thank you!

The way it is now is fine, it just need clearer wording, I think.

It’s more that I’m unclear on how exactly each option will effect our skills. Some was clear enough, but some just left me as a big ‘?’.

I only got to the part where the caravan opens up (?). Your writing is quite wordy, with lots of description, which I’m just too tired to be able to concentrate through. :laughing:

Also, I checked the file, and one of the Lihn-relation options is missing a ‘+’, which was why I didn’t see a change.
Could I also suggest maybe changing the personality stats a little, depending on which option the reader chooses?

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oh my god, you’re right! i just fixed it, but i can’t lie, laughed for a few minutes. rookie mistake.

OHHH. okay, i get what you mean now. i’m not even tired rn, but ya girl is fumbling. ok, cool! i’ll definitely work on that, make it a little more clearer if i can!

ahh, i was suffering late at night just rereading everything in a tired state of mind, so yes, i totally understand it, my god :pensive:

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I just love how light and whimsical the game is! Keep up the good work, dear author <3
Can’t wait for the next update :'D

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This isn’t fair you can’t do this to me I’m in love with cas now

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Its very hard to judge on such a short piece. Intial impressions are interesting and well-written, with clear hints to an overall plot.

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pls continue to suffer, cas deserves it, trust me.

well, despite the length of it, thank you for sparing whatever thoughts you had on it, i appreciate it regardless!

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Going through my first playthrough right now! I’m a total grammar freak, so I found a couple typos. The game itself is great though, so don’t beat yourself up about it! Not many people are as obsessive about grammar and spelling as me :joy:

A thing that seems like an error

When talking to Caspian, I picked the shy attraction option (dunno how to describe it), and at the top of the next block of text is goto shy_cas02 (with, apparently, a tab before it—I copied and pasted it here).

Typos

The very first page where there’s more than a tiny bit of actual text (not just images), this line appears: There iss only the light roar of the fireplace in front of you. There’s an extra s in there!

When Josephine comes into the bookstore, it says, You don’t miss the way Josephine eyes gleam. It should be Josephine’s.

The plot was amazing, I liked the characters so far, and the writing is so compelling. I look forward to seeing more!

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Sounds interesting

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