The Divine Thrones (WIP 09/22/2018), (narator change prologue)

Hey there everyone after seven days of work i finished the prologue of this wip
The Divine Thrones, this is also my first one and english is not my native tounge, still i am a friend of constructive critic if there is something please do not hold back.

Trouble with dashingdon solved

the issues has been solved, though it requires to deaktivate bitdefender

Chapter list and word count:
Prologue: 2.4k
Chapter 1: 5.7k
Chapter 2: 2.9k
Chapter 3: 1059

Summary

50 centuries ago, when the universe was created 6 thrones appeared each of then is being held by a god presiding over one of the 6 elements: fire, water, earth, air, dusk and ether, those divine 6 created the world in an joint effort. After that a 7th throne appeared, the gods knew that they who ascend the throne will rule over the universe, so a war has ben declared to decide the most powerful god to sit upon the heavenly Throne, this has been the war of creation, though all 6 gods lost to the war to the 7th entity, the conductor of time (this is basically the background of it). the story will take place 50 centuries after the war of creation.
Edit: you are a human living in a small human village, pretty normal, huh? But 5 years ago a treveling mercanary, who is actually the same age as you, arrived at your village, many of the villagers didn’t like them, because the do have some issues with elves. But their oppinion quickly changed, after the mercanary defended the village on their own against some bandits, ever since then the mercanary stayed in the village and your farther even took them in. The mercanary, as you will find out is quite a good story teller. To show their graditute the mercanary helps out where they could, even on the fields. This peace does not last long, for the war of creation shall beginn anew and you find yourself dragged into it.

Characters (will be updated, possible spoilers) 06/08/2018

Noah/Nora (RO)
20 years old traveling Mercanary and an Elf with an odd appearence and with a past shrouded in mystery, lived for the past 5 years in Mythspire, the mc’s village and is basically their childhoodfriend

Great General Lanmark
Your father and former Great General of the Aumarestian Forces, he had the last word in all military decisions, a close friend to the Emporer and Duke Lorence

Ellen/Rean (RO)
18 years old daughter/son of Duke Lorence, aquainted with Noah/ Nora, both met seven years ago

Duke Lorence
Father of Ellen/ Rean and the uncle of the Emporer, the ruler of mankind, he is supervising the southern region of the empire, he met Noah/Nora at the same time as his daughter/son

Christa
20 Years Old. A women, who appears in your dream. She is a weaponized human.

Fafnir
Unknown age. He appears in your dream as the Grandmaster of the SDF. Known as the emperor of the sky, he is the ruler of the dragons.

The seven Gods:

Iod
God of Dusk and leader of the forces of Death, he is rather cruel to his twin sister Nodens and hates all life, together with his twin sister he is one of the two most powerful elemental gods

Nodens (RO)
Goddes of Ether and twin sister of Iod, she is leading the forces of Life and is compassionate and gentle, she is one of the two most powerful elemental gods

Nyala (RO)
Goddes of Water and one of those who created the breath of life, one of the two Generals leading the forces of life, she is a good friend of Nodens and Hypnos

Hypnos (RO)
God of Earth. helped in the creation of life, and is the second General of the forces of life

Formalhaut
God of Fire, Subordinate of Dusk, he has been forced into the forces of tdeath, and known for his temperament

Haze
God of Air, subordinate of Dusk but not by choice

Vicarius Filli Dei (called Vicarius, for short)
The Conductor of Time, his name means Representative of gods son, most powerful of the seven, as the founder of the accord, he pacified the other six during the War of Creation

Changelog 09/22/18

Prologue updated fixed some pronuns and added some further choices, the childhood friends gender can now be chosen

03/29/2018
fixed a variable issue

04/05/2018
finished chapter 1

04/09/2018
added a choice to skip chapters

04/20/2018
added some minor lines at each chapters beginning and the beginning of chapter 2

05/02/2018
Another part of the dream added

05/13/2018
Fixed a variable issue

05/14/2018
Changed Ellens/Reans gender to match Noahs/Noras

05/30/18
Chapter 2 finished

08/06/18
Beginning of Chapter 3

09/22/18
Rewritten prolouge

Credits

Kudos to @VioletHikari for the name of the World: “Terra”
I decided to use it, so thank you


Fafnir Intel: The Divine Thrones (WIP 09/22/2018), (narator change prologue)


Now last but not least the link to the demo: https://dashingdon.com/play/noah/the-divine-thrones/mygame/


Discord: The Divine Thrones (WIP 09/22/2018), (narator change prologue)

99 Likes

Looking forward to seeing more!

2 Likes

This looks good so are we a god or no

2 Likes

It has some potential, I like the premise.

2 Likes

nope you are just a human

1 Like

Your elf are going to be like those that have the same life span that a human?

1 Like

It’d be swell if you would consider adding some choices (flavour or otherwise) in between the three paged wall of text. Or maybe add a codex.
It would help the reader to better digest the information. Thrones? factions? Wars? I found it to be a bit overwhelming.
Especially when we’ve barely anytime to establish our main cast yet. Good luck.

10 Likes

Wow, that’s really good so far and I have to say, that I found it extremly interesting. I’m eager to see how your game will turn out in the future.

3 Likes

the prologue is supposed to grant an overall of the background and creating the mc, it is aswell only a tale told by noah/nora and the mc was not present 50 centuries ago, so i saw no sense in more choices if i am honest, the comming chapters will have more choices and a codex will be included in chapter one or two when you receive it from noah/nora

nope in the tale is stated “eternal life”

1 Like

But are they like all the others tales where the elfs gets old slowly? Because in the other tales a 20 year old elf it will look like a recently born baby and once they hit 80 they look like in their 20s

2 Likes

Extra choices would more be to help keep the reader engaged, and avoid infodumping.

As an example, you can have the MC interrupt and ask questions.

2 Likes

Ah that is what you meant no they just stop aging when 20 and above

I haven’t considered that, but i definatly will
I’ll continue working on the prologue

1 Like

What’s the MC suppose to be?

The story sounds good so far keep the good work going.

2 Likes

Im impressed… Even though i was waiting you to come up with something solid, i wasn’t expecting this much. The description of Noah is like reading a visual novel though at some point i felt like that’s enough. And i must agree with those who said the prologue is a bit overwhelming by the means of information.

I totally agree with this. It will make digestion a lot easier.

By the way, do you think adding non-binary gender option? I felt worried when you said gender doesn’t matter but it’s just so perfectly written you sum up the situation and avoid any offenses.

Also i would like to see you creating a rather large, detailed universe there. Looking forward to see where this thread goes :grin:

1 Like

Why does the childhood friend have to be a boy? I hate when that happens :disappointed: can’t we please just choose for them and the duke’s kid? :thinking:

1 Like

I’m pretty sure if I was given the choice whether a character was male of female, they would all be female. I find myself choosing this at every opportunity lol.

5 Likes

A human if that is what you meant

Is hat a good or bad?

I am already working on it

good to know that i managed it

I hope it will meet these expectations

it has actually no reason, the childhood friend’s gender is decided when you pick the mc’s gender, but i should be able to chenge that in an active choice, though the duke’s kid will have the opposite gender of the childhood friend.

2 Likes

Both actually, some might be bothered and some might love it. It should stay IMO

what does IMO actually mean?