Hey there Kenneth! I really like the premise of your novel and think that it has great potential. Here is my feedback.
First off, maybe consider changing the name of the novel because there are three names “lucifers dog”, “the book of alia”, and “castle”, one name would make it easier to find in the forums and for people to discuss.
I like how you have a map to help the reader understand the world but the writing is pretty small so it is hard to read.
Giving the reader a crash course of the world seems like a good idea but maybe you should go about it differently. When I started reading I was overwhelmed with information from the geography to all the advisors. Perhaps introduce it slowly and when necessary.
I also noticed it appears as if that the protagonist’s father has only one purpose, to make us ruler. There is no funeral no grief nothing, nothing to make us have an emotional connection to the father. An alternative could be building up the relationship, have him go to war and then we find out he dies.
As i skimmed the other replies I noticed that they talked about the stats. This is something that you should really consider updating. Somethings that I would add are a geography section/ add the map (there are a lot of locations descriptions, for this maybe put the locations in bold so that they don’t get lost in the sea of text), a character section (a lot of characters makes it hard to remember them), character skills (you give us an option to increase our charisma, swordplay, etc but it appears like it doesn’t do anything), Also consider adding more character description in one scene you say “you didn’t notice how beautiful gwyneth is” instead of telling us that she is beautiful paint the picture in our heads. Seeing the level of taxes would be good as well.
I don’t know if choosing a crest has an effect on your troops. If it does, you might want to take a look at a few things. I chose the black hawk crest which is known for stealth yet when I’m going to war you explain that we are banging our drums so stealth is useless.
Now onto the gameplay mechanics. Going into this novel I had the understanding that managing my castle and going to war is a big part of the game. As a result I immediately thought of swamp castle and the lost heir trilogy, to name a few, where things like upgrading my walls, castle, setting up trade, were vital. The first battle appears pre determined as it is over in about 3 choices. We Should have an option to choose how the battle plays out like firing arrows, different formations, war machines, etc.
It would be nice if money was used for other things besides buying soldiers.
There is an error at join_renley2 line 377: Non-existent variable ‘miniters_war’.
I know my feedback is really long, and I might have been overly critical, but I’m just trying to be helpful. I hope to continue watching the story develop! Keep it up!
