The Book of Alia - Lucifers Dog (WIP) a medieval tale of kings and queens / Demo link in OP

I’m sorry but this makes no sense to me. If you do not side with Bart and Renley (on a rather flimsy basis IMO), Raimund abandons you because Bart was his friend apparently. Yet your father went to war against Bart which makes him the enemy, and he was still considered that when you succeeded your father after his death. Also you have no previous knowledge of Renley’s rebellion, yet he already has or immediately gathers a massive army and comes screaming bloody murder for you if you go against them.

The point is that the choice of who to side with is presented in a very rushed and unforgiving way, not to mention that it’s not even a choice to begin with as choosing wrong here leads to your unavoidable death.

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it is a game of choice which is exactly why you can side with Lucifer, which takes you down a certain path.

thanks ill look into this

The key is to speak to characters to learn who is trying to misslead you and chose the best path, i didnt want the MC to be a white knight, its unforgiving as it sets the tone for the MC to be vigilant for the rest of the book, but there are many opportunities to get onto the right path from the beginning with lots of hints.

“In true keeping with medieval life, the path of a Noble can be fraught with danger and risk”

i wanted to create a title where choices had a significant bearing on the story rather than just a change in a variable in the stats folder

Yes i will develop this further, its time for a refresh of the stats page in the next update.

just as a quick update all, im a key worker through all this crazyness thats going off right now, and long shifts mean writting time has pretty much vanished, i’ll try to get back on it as soon as possible its just slower than i originally planed.

Stay safe.

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O man you’re an essential worker? You be careful too. You guys are really out there in the ranks I think, but as a lay person we appreciate everything you guys are doing to keep things as stable as possible. Stay protected and be safe!

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I think this is a bug.

Instead of ‘Count’ I think ‘Liege’ would be a more appropriate non-binary alternative for Lord/Lady. A ‘Count’ is a specific type of Lord, and including that among Lord/Lady as an option brings in a lot of messy questions about the MC’s position in feudal hierarchy (baron, viscount, marquis, count, earl etc.). Furthermore, a Count generally refers to a male, ‘Countess’ being the feminine form, which I presume is contradictory to what you’re aiming for.

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Hey there Kenneth! I really like the premise of your novel and think that it has great potential. Here is my feedback.

First off, maybe consider changing the name of the novel because there are three names “lucifers dog”, “the book of alia”, and “castle”, one name would make it easier to find in the forums and for people to discuss.

I like how you have a map to help the reader understand the world but the writing is pretty small so it is hard to read.

Giving the reader a crash course of the world seems like a good idea but maybe you should go about it differently. When I started reading I was overwhelmed with information from the geography to all the advisors. Perhaps introduce it slowly and when necessary.

I also noticed it appears as if that the protagonist’s father has only one purpose, to make us ruler. There is no funeral no grief nothing, nothing to make us have an emotional connection to the father. An alternative could be building up the relationship, have him go to war and then we find out he dies.

As i skimmed the other replies I noticed that they talked about the stats. This is something that you should really consider updating. Somethings that I would add are a geography section/ add the map (there are a lot of locations descriptions, for this maybe put the locations in bold so that they don’t get lost in the sea of text), a character section (a lot of characters makes it hard to remember them), character skills (you give us an option to increase our charisma, swordplay, etc but it appears like it doesn’t do anything), Also consider adding more character description in one scene you say “you didn’t notice how beautiful gwyneth is” instead of telling us that she is beautiful paint the picture in our heads. Seeing the level of taxes would be good as well.

I don’t know if choosing a crest has an effect on your troops. If it does, you might want to take a look at a few things. I chose the black hawk crest which is known for stealth yet when I’m going to war you explain that we are banging our drums so stealth is useless.

Now onto the gameplay mechanics. Going into this novel I had the understanding that managing my castle and going to war is a big part of the game. As a result I immediately thought of swamp castle and the lost heir trilogy, to name a few, where things like upgrading my walls, castle, setting up trade, were vital. The first battle appears pre determined as it is over in about 3 choices. We Should have an option to choose how the battle plays out like firing arrows, different formations, war machines, etc.

It would be nice if money was used for other things besides buying soldiers.

There is an error at join_renley2 line 377: Non-existent variable ‘miniters_war’.

I know my feedback is really long, and I might have been overly critical, but I’m just trying to be helpful. I hope to continue watching the story develop! Keep it up!

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Will there be an option in the future to side with Rozelle, like supporting her for queen or marrying her?

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I can understand your reasoning to make it so that you can only progress the story if you “choose the best path”. But what really makes that path “the best path”? There are hints sure, but also many things left ambiguous. Why should we choose Renley over Lucifer? What makes Renley the true king, other than what boils down to his hair color essentially? Why should we even trust Bart? That’s where I was getting at. I agree with a previous poster who said it’s unfair to present us with this kind of choice when we cannot have formed a clear opinion yet, more so when the wrong choice leads to game over. Then it’s not about setting the tone, rather than punishing the player for thinking for themselves.

In any case, I don’t want to sound too harsh or discouraging. I quite liked the premise and there can never be too many of these medieval games. This is just that something that I found frustrating as a player.

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I gotta admit, I love any medieval such as this. :3

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This post was flagged by the community and is temporarily hidden.

The writer is an essential worker and he said he may not be able to write much due to COVID right now.

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