Shapeless Soul (WIP) UPDATED 10/26/20

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Thanks for the feedback, everybody! I guess I should probably actually start chapter 2 at some point instead of blatantly procrastinating by rereading what I’ve got for the thirtieth time to make sure the variables are working right, so I’ll try to push myself on that over the weekend. Of course, comments and bug/typo reports are still totally welcome for ch1. :slight_smile:

Glad to see there was a bit of versatility in who people chose as their player for the fight. I was worried nobody would want to play the healer, so I’m glad he got some attention. I want to make every character fun to play, and have them all feel pretty distinct from each other.

This is something I don’t expect to implement very often - this was more of a character building thing for Chall - but I do want to be really careful about making it clear that Tethering is a fundamentally consensual thing. I am thinking later on that there might be instances where you can convince a character to do an action they normally wouldn’t with a disposition/personality check, but again we’ll get there when we get there. I also want there to be a role-playing aspect like you mentioned, where acting “in character” to who you’re Tethering with can affect their attitude towards you.

Kind of opposite to the above, I also definitely want to make sure that the player is never punished for not immediately getting along with a character. Not sure how I’ll balance that perfectly, but I do always want you to have the option to play as any character so long as they’re “in the party” so to speak.

(especially with Daire since she doesn’t exactly make a great first impression)

Nice catch, that should be fixed now. Also, rereading the chargen part, I agree that the Tether thing may be kind of abrupt. I might switch the “first Tether” scene and the class pick scene to see if that flows better. And yeah, your assessment of that one bolded line with no attributed speaker is pretty much right on the money.

I don’t do a whole lot of social media stuff, but I’m not really against having one. I just don’t know if I’d remember to ever use it, lol. I’ll check it out and see if it looks interesting.

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I’d consider this as low-fan. High-fan is more pronounced on good guys vs bad guys, black vs white, quite reliant to the DnD style alignment (good/neutral/bad chaotic/lawful), and–personally–it’s about being awesome (LoTR). Low-fan is usually grey vs darker grey, more down-to-earth theme (which is usually the dark gritty theme), and usually about survival in the world setting (GoT, The Witcher). Cross breeds do exist, tho, and exception happens a lot.

Also, I picked Chall. Gaven is too far and is already overpowering 2 people while Daire having her hands too full. As a self-proclaimed master strategist, Chall is the most logical pick knowing he’s not so good at fighting yet he’s facing a certain imminent threat against the leader woman.

And speculation time. When we pick the options while tethered, are we merely giving mental suggestion to the character to do the thing, or are we possessing their consciousness? Non-invasively?

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And I just changed the tags to high fantasy this morning! I wish I could just tag it as “general fantasy” or “fantasy” or “idk what the crap this is fantasy”.

How does Tethering work?

I’m still fine-tuning how exactly it works and I’m sure this is subject to change which is part of why I’m burying this under a summary tag. I’d say it’s closer to the second option you mentioned. The best analogy I can think is that you’re copiloting them, so you can still make decisions on their behalf (like “dodge out of the way” or “attack this person”) but the other person still has control too, as well as ultimate veto power, as shown with Chall. I also see this working in reverse, that a Tethered person won’t benefit from the PC’s power boost if they do something that is explicitly against the PC’s wishes, but I’m kind of writing on the assumption that the player/PC accepts every *choice they’re inputting so that’s not really a thing I expect to be an issue as of now.

I also think of this as sort of melting the two consciousnesses together a little bit, sharing their feelings and perception and emotions and stuff a little bit. At the very least, it can give the PC a peek into the other person’s thoughts and consciousness, as shown with Daire and Chall if you choose to Tether them out of battle. But I’m not quite sure if that’s where I want to go with that since that could get really, really complicated later on in the story and just might be more than I’m really ready to tackle, so, uh…maybe???

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Are we gonna have more flashbacks like how we got adopted by the king and so on?

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Definitely. There should be several about PC and Maya, but I want to include a bit of backstory about their father as well.

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Pretty interesting wip, I’m intrigued to see where you’ll take it and the possibility for some originality in a pretty commonly done setting. Also props for the Baten Kaitos profile pic, love that game

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Gavin is my favorite so far sorry sis.

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Just stumbled upon this and it was a welcomed surprise! The writing is solid, the subject is interesting, the characters are fun, and I also liked the little tidbits of world-building that we got.

I look forward to seeing how it develops in the future!

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Finally making a little headway into chapter 2, but also getting to the point where variables and if statements are starting to matter more and more. Also gotta get more going on with stat checks since both stat increases and stat checks have been scarce so far. Also working on how to describe unnamed characters during dialogue in a way that isn’t confusing, since that’s coming up more than I thought it would.

Thank you! This has actually been one of the harder parts for me with writing in general - I tend to get so hung up on the characters and their actions that I forget to actually develop the world they live in. Anyway, I’m really glad to hear that the parts I tried doing that worked well for you. :slight_smile:

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Loving this so far! The concept is really interesting and I think you handled the exposition and mixed it with the narrative really well as opposed to just giving an infodump/lecture in the beginning.

For the battle, I picked Chall - he seemed like the one who needed the most help, especially since he said smthg like not being very good at battle during our conversation? Also I was wondering if he’d be an RO bc he seems sweet :pleading_face:

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Thank you! Exposition is another thing I try to be careful with, similar to worldbuilding. I always have to remind myself that I need to, you know, tell a story instead of assuming everyone already knows what the story is, haha.

Chall as an RO? (no spoilers, just rambles)

So many things I want to say about that that I can’t really get into now. I’m receptive to the idea, but I also feel like there are some pretty important things going on with him (most of which haven’t really come up yet) that would have to be dealt with before he could even conceive of a relationship with the PC, as well as some relatively innocuous actions that you could take that would immediately shut down any chance of ever getting with him. I miiiight be able to make it work, but I think it would be a pretty slow burn and by far the hardest for the player to attain just because of the nature of his character. But maybe those could be good things and/or add variety to the types of relationships available? I don’t know. Does that sound like something that would appeal to people?

I have a lot more going on with this, but I’ll make myself stop here, haha. The point is I can’t promise anything, but I’m thinking about it. :slight_smile:

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I was playing through this again today and had a question.

You mention that at an early age the MC is swept away from their birth parents, fostered by Lord Tscherbeia, and made heir to Castle Tscherbeia. I understand that the ability to tether is a very rare and powerful talent, but is it also viewed as some sort of indicator of leadership, greatness, or aptitude for rule? I would assume so if it warrants plucking a child from relative obscurity and making them heir to a great castle over one’s own blood. I’m just wondering, is this sort of thing commonplace in the world or is Lord Tscherbeia an anomaly?

I understand that an explanation of the intricacies of inheritance within the world is oddly specific, but I really enjoy understanding the social fabric that makes up the world around characters, as it makes things feel more grounded and real. Thanks! :slightly_smiling_face:

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Ooh, that’s a good question, and after rereading the intro I agree it’s worth establishing a little more strongly. I’ll try to work on that today when I have a minute, and I appreciate you bringing it up, because it’s pretty important to the story.

Right now I’d say that people with the Tether would probably get kind of the fast track up the ladder due to it’s potency and scarcity, and their power is frequently associated with commanding and tactician and other leadership roles (probably more combat and wartime leadership versus royalty/nobility, but those can overlap of course). However, Lord Tscherbeia is an anomaly in that while it might be standard to assign a Tether user to a position of power after they prove themselves, it is very strange to take a child with the Tether in and name them your heir before they ever do anything, much less throw your existing heir under the bus to do so. I do intend to examine that more explicitly as the story goes, because this is actually plot critical, but I’ll see how I can seed it a bit more clearly early on to help establish how bizarre the situation is.

Also props on spelling Tscherbeia right, I still have to stop and think about it every time. :laughing:

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Awesome, thanks for the clarification!

Got to be honest though, I definitely copied and pasted Tscherbeia.

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Oh my goodness, it’s an update! (wow!)

All right, Chapter 2 should be live. I’m a bit more nervous about it now that I Have A Thing Going, but I think it’s still about where I want it to be. Let me know if you spot anything wrong or just feel any parts didn’t work right. I also included some very slight variations of scenes based on player gender and I’m doubting myself about them, so if anything at all feels off about those please let me know.

Uhh, other than that, I did a few alterations in the prologue and ch1 but I don’t think they should break anything. Quicktest and randomtest passed, at any rate. Still, if you run into any bugs, let me know!

Enjoy! :smiley:

https://dashingdon.com/go/6400

Edit: Update the OP and figured I should add in that stuff on this update post too, so here you go.

Trigger warnings

This story contains profanity, violence, blood, death, and depictions of thoughts and behavior analogous to anxiety and depression so far, with more potential triggers to be added as I write them. If you think additional warnings are needed, please let me know. I also wrote a couple of traumatic flashback scenes for the PC, but currently have the option to disable those (there are only three as of this 08/30/2020 demo anyway, and none of them contain anything plot vital).

Specific feedback requests

While you are welcome to suggest or critique anything, specific feedback I’m looking for is on…
-Inclusion and general thoughtfulness/respectfulness. Were there any points where you felt like there was something offensive, insensitive, or oblivious about the story?
-MC choices: Did you ever feel like there was a choice that would have made sense but wasn’t included, especially in regards to how MC reacts to or feels about a situation? Did the narration ever assert that you felt a certain way when you personally did not?

Party members and RO stuff

Still working out the exact RO setup, but currently I have…

Maya - MC’s adopted sister and confidant. Sweet-natured but mischievous. Female, not romancable.

Gaven - A friendly, straightforward mercenary with a protective streak. Male, can be romanced by male players. Considering adding an aromantic route variation, not decided yet.

Daire - an eccentric, impatient witch who is used to getting her way. Female, currently not romancable, considering an asexual relationship path.

Chall - a timid, ultra pacifist healer with a stubborn side. Male, considering a romance route if player is male, still undecided.

Vianta - a healer-paladin who paradoxically serves the God of Death. Cautious but confident. Female, can be romanced by a character of any gender identity.

Elleth - A thief and con man who gets carried away in his own acting. Bombastic and upbeat. Male, can be romanced by female and nonbinary players.

(once again, this is prone to change as I sort things out)

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Now Im more curious about the magic and that knight place.

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Loving the character interactions in this update! Daire is such an oddball I find her so interesting she’s shot up to my favorite this update and the Gaven/Elleth dynamic is so fun (also Elleth in general :eyes:) somehow I have Chall as my highest loyalty rn I swear I will never betray his trust :sob:

I’ve only done one playthrough of the fight scene but the throwing the dagger through the flames option felt metal as hell and yes I did thirst tether again lol

Very intrigued by Vianta (loving these badass women btw they’re all so well written :heart_eyes:) looking forward to learning who exactly she is!

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Thank you and thank you! Glad to hear the characters are holding up. I’ve been pretty happy with all of them so far, and introducing the new people while keeping up with the existing ones was a fun challenge. I think I’m getting the hang of how I want to write Daire. I really struggled with her when I started but I’m getting more comfortable with her and growing to like her more myself, so it’s relief that she’s won over another person too. :slight_smile:

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I enjoyed your writing style. The premise of this is interesting. I’d prefer my MC to be more focused on her issue than she currently is :sob: primarily because I really don’t like the idea of sharing a soul with the sister, especially because it seems to have some weird side effects… if the bold font is like… the sister’s thoughts/feelings invading MC’s mind. Like chop chop, MC. Next thing you know, your soul will be on the move. It’s not like MC’s presence has gone unnoticed and I’m pretty sure that someone putting a bounty on her is a bad sign that some people arent particularly happy she’s around

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That’s a good point. The story is right at the cusp where the main plot should start accelerating both because the band is all together and because of the reasons you mentioned, that the MC and Maya are officially In Danger and can’t dither anymore. I don’t know if I can really speed up the events I already have, since I need these things to happen in more or less this way to get the other characters established. I could maybe go back and add in some narration and/or *choices that express the MC wanting to hurry up and get this problem solved already, perhaps in response to the bolded sections you mentioned.

Anyway, I’ll definitely look into it! Thanks for bringing that up.

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