Shapeless Soul (WIP) UPDATED 10/26/20

It’s been six months since you were attacked, your soul stolen from you. Now you are on a journey to reclaim it, your sister at your side and a few companions willing to aid you. Use the power of the Tether to enhance your allies, amplifying their own power and skill. Make friends, fall in love, or keep everyone at a distance - but you’d better be careful, lest you forget yourself…

This is my first demo, and I think I have most of the problems worked out, but I’m sure there are things I haven’t seen. Please let me know if you run into any technical problems, or if there are any parts of the story that you feel didn’t flow well, had typos, or just could be improved in some way.

I have up to chapter 2 so far. I’m hoping for roughly an update a month, but I imagine that will start getting longer as the game goes on and more branches and variables occur.

Trigger warnings

This story contains profanity, violence, blood, death, and depictions of thoughts and behavior analogous to anxiety, PTSD, and depression so far, with more potential triggers to be added as I write them. If you think additional warnings are needed, please let me know. I also wrote a couple of traumatic flashback scenes for the PC, but currently have the option to disable those (there are only three as of this 08/30/2020 demo anyway, and none of them contain anything plot vital).

Specific feedback requests

While you are welcome to suggest or critique anything, specific feedback I’m looking for is on…
-Inclusion and general thoughtfulness/respectfulness. Were there any points where you felt like there was something offensive, insensitive, or oblivious about the story?
-MC choices: Did you ever feel like there was a choice that would have made sense but wasn’t included, especially in regards to how MC reacts to or feels about a situation? Did the narration ever assert that you felt a certain way when you personally did not?

Party members and RO stuff

Still working out the exact RO setup, but currently I have…

Maya - MC’s adopted sister and confidant. Sweet-natured but mischievous. Female, not romancable.

Gaven - A friendly, straightforward mercenary with a protective streak. Male, can be romanced by male players. Considering adding an aromantic route variation, not decided yet.

Daire - an eccentric, impatient witch who is used to getting her way. Female, currently not romancable, considering an asexual relationship path.

Chall - a timid, ultra pacifist healer with a stubborn side. Male, considering a romance route if player is male, still undecided.

Vianta - a healer-paladin who paradoxically serves the God of Death. Cautious but confident. Female, can be romanced by a character of any gender identity.

Elleth - A thief and con man who gets carried away in his own acting. Bombastic and upbeat. Male, can be romanced by female and nonbinary players.

(once again, this is prone to change as I sort things out)

NOTE: Chapter two is live as of 8/30/20!

Demo - https://dashingdon.com/go/6400

Very official story tumblr that I know exactly what I’m doing with - https://jayffel.tumblr.com/

186 Likes

Gaven had me at arms the size of my head :heart_eyes: I’m digging this so far, the whole soul thing is interesting and I love a good ragtag group of people go on journey in low fantasy world lol. The way the battle was done was also pretty cool, looking forward to more! Also, nice mizuti icon :sunglasses:

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I’m getting curiouser as the story proceed! I totally enjoyed it!

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I’m glad you liked it! I still have a ton of work ahead of me, but I’m pretty happy with how this has worked so far. Thanks for the encouragement!

Someone recognized my avatar? I do not comprehend. :stuck_out_tongue: Thank you for the kind words as well. Since you mentioned low fantasy, I actually was wondering if you would consider this that, or high fantasy, or somewhere in between (middle fantasy? Is that a thing?) I tagged it low fantasy because it doesn’t have dragons and elves and stuff, but obviously there’s plenty of magic and supernatural stuff and there will be undead later (oops spoilers). Should I change that tag? Does it really matter?

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I honestly have no idea what the difference is between low and high fantasy :sweat_smile: I don’t think anyone would see low fantasy and decide not to click specifically because of that though :thinking:

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Encountered this error


while trying to choose “I just want to be right again.”

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I don’t know why I’m so determined not to put a space after *set commands. Thanks for pointing that out, it should be fixed now.

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It’s interesting can’t wait for more

Thanks for the quick fix! The Tether ability is really interesting and using it in battle was fun.
Excited to see more!

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Cool idea for a story but i am not a fan of forced family members in games.

Hey there!

I just read through the Demo and I absolutely love the idea! It’s extremely well written and I already fell in love with Gaven (marry me please😭). And Maya is just UGH I wanna hug her to death, she’s so SWEET AND CARING SHE DESERVES THE WORLD! I can’t wait to read more!!

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Well, glad to hear a positive Maya review. :slight_smile: I’m actually having some trouble figuring out how to handle writing her and how to handle her and the protag’s relationship, so I’m glad to hear I got some of it right.

Sorry for the kind of out of nowhere question, but I was wondering…Who did people decide to play as during the fight? I’m trying to go back through the battle scenes and add extra bits of characterization through them and try to make them feel evenly weighted, which is proving harder than I thought.

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Is Tether magic rare?

Pretty rare, yeah. It’s also just not a very well-known or well-studied form of magic, at least in comparison to hurling fireballs and all that.

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This confirms my theory thx.

Hey congrats on starting your demo! I really enjoyed the story and your writing style, and am definitely looking forward to reading more! And the changing perspectives through the Tether!? whoa.

I especially loved the inner conflict the MC has with their soulless-ness and the complex relationship this can pose with Maya. Also are the possessive bolded thoughts(?) Maya’s?? is it because you’re sharing her soul?? I’m so curious

I believe low-fantasy means a story is based in/takes inspiration from the real world (whether it be a historical era or present day) and adds magical elements to it, while high-fantasy is the creation of a new world separate from our own (LotR for example). This feels like high fantasy, but like spiriter said, it shouldn’t affect whether people click on your demo or not (:

In regards to the gender choice, it felt pretty natural, so I don’t think you have to worry about changing it. Also, in choosing a class I relate to, I picked mage, and the sudden talk about my Tether felt a little jarring, imo. I guess just because it wasn’t mentioned before that I had Tether powers in my youth (besides in the forum summary) so there was a little context lacking? Maybe that’s just me though.

Also in your description of Gaven,


mayhap you’re missing the word “hair” here?

Otherwise your demo is ‘shaping’ up to be very interesting, and I will be waiting for the next update!

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I tethered to Chall because he seemed to need the most help, a bigger boost. I liked learning that they can reject your idea! And since he said no to an attack, I figured he would want to help save his enemy so tried to yell. Trying to stay within their standards and morals so I don’t betray them.

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Played as Chall during the battle in one playthrough since he seemed to be struggling the most. Then went back and played Daire in another playthrough just 'cause I was curious if I could despite choosing not to tether with her when we first met.

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I tethered with Gaven for purely thirst reasons :flushed:

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Consider me hooked! Looking forward to more of this! I just wanna ask if you’re considering making a Tumblr account??

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