Not in the parts the MC can see, they’re kind of hiding in a hoodie. I’m thinking of MC describing it as “like last Summer’s tan in January”, but I’m not sure that sounds good.
7 Likes
I think that’s a pretty great descriptor!
6 Likes
Yeah that’s a great description.
4 Likes
…maybe tawny pink? 
it has this orangish hue.
3 Likes
It sounds good.
IMO, it’s a much better choice than going for a specific color description because it’s something that most people will have a nice clear mental image of that doesn’t get into things like “what does beigey pink look like?”
I would maybe switch to the “like last summer’s tan in the middle of winter” or something, though, just because January is the middle of summer if you’re from the southern hemisphere.
9 Likes
This is what I would use.
Here is a resource that you need:
8 Likes
I did check that blog post first thing.
I mean, you kinda have to know how dark-skinned the person is without tan to have a mental image of that.
The story takes place in Northern hemisphere, so I don’t see the issue.
2 Likes
I really commend you on realizing this and, more importantly, following through on this.
I always feel tentative about how and what I say in feedback, until I establish a rapport with the person I am giving the feedback to.
7 Likes
No, not really. The phrase allows the reader to build their own mental image of the character that you can later refine in different scenes.
And this knowledge of the setting is why you don’t need to disclose every detail upfront.
7 Likes
I mean, I’d want to establish the character is white.
2 Likes
I still feel uncomfortable with an emphasis being placed on race, but if it is important, then it is important, I guess.
Edit:
This again reinforces:
in my opinion, this is something I knew from the beginning based on what I knew of your setting. ymmv.
Also, “Caucasian” in American English is used to describe people who have skin that is of a pale color and not people of the Caucasian mountain region.
3 Likes
Is it? Hm. I wasn’t aware of that. I was just trying to describe everyone equally.
(Also they’re not Caucasian, they’re Balkanian. Although the MC doesn’t know that.)
2 Likes
In English (or maybe just in American?) Caucasian means white. It’s a word we use for the race, I don’t know why that’s the word we landed on, but it is. So whether or not someone is from the Balkans doesn’t answer the question of whether or not they’re Caucasian
5 Likes
I want to emphasize the “Writing with Color” Tumblr site I linked above because it really will help you (meaning every one of us) navigate the stormy waters of race and skin color.
6 Likes
They specifically say Caucasian shouldn’t be used for white 
(I’d really prefer to not describe anyone, but it’s not really a good option either. But I restate: I hate writing in English.)
Anyway I seriously need to sleep now 
3 Likes
The more inclusive trend is to be more specific as you Euros are, but the common practice in American English still exists. Caucasian is more of a general term and I chose it because I was not 100% sure the setting was the one I know you are working on.
In Patchwerks, I try my best to keep such details as amorphous as I can regarding my characters. I try to let the reader fill in as many details in their mind eye as they will because I feel my writing is more inclusive that way.
3 Likes
It’s the same world, but it’s a different location (and story). This one’s still in a kind of “I have no idea what I’m doing with this” state.
2 Likes
I will add in my two cents and state that I thought your passage was good too. Good use of words of power (i.e. “Dead”, “Black”); emotional charged imagery makes for good writing I think. And you have nice, short, crisp sentences . . . readers like those. Anyway, color me intrigued - plus if we get to play as an android, well, we need more games with android prots in my opinion.
Yes, that was good word choice, I think.
Or Tawny rose toned?
6 Likes
I have a short story that people love about this android Max-01 and their partner Max-02 in coma. All planet is under the sea and Earth has no humanity left. Max is the only one left with self awareness. Fighting against a protocol that has no meaning and bringing back their love.
This scerpt however is just a practice of emotions and atmosphere.
8 Likes
I like this description a lot.
I’ve seen “beige” used for skin on occasion and perhaps it’s that it isn’t commonly used in the UK for living humans as opposed to makeup/paint/animal fur, but I don’t associate it with skin, more with this sort of thing.
With some descriptions, especially specific ones like this, wording like “last year’s tan” is more precise and evocative than trying to find a word/phrase for the colour itself which can sound like the reader is looking through paint swatches or mixing a palette.
9 Likes