Authentic is good enough. When people start worrying about how to make a fiction story too granularly hyper-specific, it looses some of the focus, and charm of just existing in the IF’s environment in a way the author can work with. A hair doesn’t have to be split at the atomic level for the general gist to work as is.
Feedback-wise… Funny thing that “The Morning Slander” paper did; in the tidbit about Lancelot, it called my male MC a woman in the line about ‘two women being attacked by a pair of ruffians’ which, okay, based partly on how my dude looks is fair enough, and an easy mistake to make because he really is just that dainty, and cute–unfashionably long hair, and all. He’s also definitely dressed like a man, though, which should be enough to inform the casual observer of his birth sex, despite looking anything but manly by their standards.
As someone who’s from the West Indies, it made me giggle. I know how this is going to end very well. Instead of looking at that, I’d be investing in ‘indentured servants’ from Syria, China and especially India. Would take a couple years but will be well worth the wait. Maybe also investing in gunpowder in South America.
Thank you, that does give me some needed perspective. It gets kind of nerve wrecking when you’re striving for 100% accuracy and focusing on what the floorboards looked like or how Lord so-and-so curled his hair, and you’re right, getting too invested in the details ends up stripping some of the soul. (Details are nice though, but not something to get nervous about.)
Haha, that was a mistake that I had in my first draft, but then I decided to leave it in so that the MC could joke about subpar journalism after reading The Slander =P
takes notes - Syria, gunpowder… You’re from the West Indies? How cool. I always think of cricket when I think of the West Indies. (I like cricket lol, it’s my favourite sport, so sorry for this one-track minded thinking.)
Honestly, I thought the magazine was referring to our sis and aunt, and somehow just forgot my male MC existed. Or it was hamming things up and dressing the story in the way a magazine about gossip might. Who wants to read about a man and woman being saved, when it sounds better if it was two ladies?
Great chapter! I really liked the introductions of the ROs, and how through those scenes you began to reveal both the characters’ personalities and backstories as well as how this society behaves and its problems (such as Iris being looked down upon despite her wealth because she is a commoner). I really enjoyed the underlying humor and the details given to even the minor characters. At the moment, my favorite character is Linden – his dialogue was fun and I enjoyed how the MC and the rest of the characters react to his antics.
I did think there were some moments where the MC’s personality seemed too set or went against previous choices – for example, the moment where you wait to be summoned by the queen has the MC incredibly nervous, and it seemed like there could have been a choice there for the player to give more input, as why they were nervous (or even if they were nervous at all) could reflect their characterization and goals.
Oh wow. I’ve heard so many people saying they want to retire in Trinidad. I still think Lara’s the most talented batsman of the past 30/40 years. (Don’t tell India lol.) Jacques Kallis is my favourite because he played for my country, but Lara sure made the sport look more amazing.
(I’m definitely going to work in a cricketing scene in this story - my time to shine with a sport I know well!)
Thank you very much! That’s a lovely, thoughtful review and I really appreciate it. Glad you like Lancelot, he’s terribly silly but he has layers. Many layers.
I’ll definitely give MC’s personality and choices some more attention, I think there’s a consensus that I didn’t get that quite right. I’ll work on integrating MC’s personality more with choices and scenes and add more options (not blindly this time, I understand the problem better now.)
I was kind of resistant to adding personality stats initially, but I’m starting to think I should, if only to keep the MC’s personality structured and to know what’s missing in options and responses for my own writing.
I’ve seen more than one mention of stoic/calm, so I guess we can have a stoic - excitable stat? And a shy - confident stat. Definitely a traditional - reformer stat, that’s already there. Any other suggestions? Again, I really wasn’t planning on including this so I haven’t given it much thought yet, but if there’s a character trait any of you feel strongly about I’ll consider including if as a stat if I think it works for the story.
I don’t know how you’d phrase it, but given MC’s situation I feel that bitterness and sarcasm could definitely come into play as new or growing personality traits. Maybe bitter/sweet and sarcastic/genuine (a pairing you see often) could work.
I think I’ll use bitter/sweet! It makes sense, as you said, to have MC feeling resentful with their circumstances. I’ve got six opposing personality stats now (if I include this) and I’m almost done editing the Male MC path. I’ll switch over to Fem MC tomorrow and then hopefully I can soon present an edit that takes choices and personality into account properly.
Thank you everyone for being patient with me while I struggled with the concept of interactive personality choices and why they’re important (I feel really dumb.)
Chapter Two is not that far along, maybe only a tenth done, but I’ll speed up after this edit and stop faffing about.
Would bitter be sarcastic? I play my MC as a stoic/sarcastic person around strangers and public, but protective, caring, and playful with those he trusts. Good ol’ introvert.
Absolutely amazing game so far; kept me fascinated and also had me chortling more than once. Have no idea how I am meant to decide between my sweet baby Griffith and the redoubtable Iris though.
Hey, Michael Scott is in my thread! =P Thank you, you have great taste! Griffith and Iris are truly good people. And there’s a lot of story to come for both of them.
I can’t wait for you to read Chapter Two, I am having such a blast writing it! I really hope everyone enjoys reading it as much as I’m enjoying the writing.
(Editing took a pause because inspiration struck and I wrote like a woman posessed, but I promise I’ll get back to that soon!)
I most certainly did NOT expect him to be the Doctor!! (I mean, having fought formerly with a spoon and allegedly with a celery stick can’t be a coincidence, right? )
Brilliant idea with the newspaper, though it would perhaps be nice if the player could choose their own reaction to being included in it? Not sure if it will disrupt the pacing too much, though. Perhaps a tired sigh, indignation or amusement? Just an idea. I am excited that you generally will include personality in the stats ^^
Will we meet the moneylender’s children at some point? I admit to being curious and was a bit confused they weren’t mentioned in the new chapter. But it is still early days.
Small note for the prologue
“You tell Griffith the cliff notes of your feelings.”
It is CliffNotes as in Cliff, the name (Clifton Hillegass), and didn’t exist before the 20th century.
Love the humor in this! I will say you have very ambitious plans with the number of ROs and the different paths you’ll have to incorporate based on gender and sexuality, especially if this is your first try at IF.
I was wondering how you’re planning to approach genderqueerness in this? I chose the option to be a “woman” (I always play as transmasc if a game gives me the option) and was expecting some acknowledgement of my discomfort with being one but I didn’t notice anything in the game. I don’t think there was much, if anything, different between playing as a woman and a “woman” which didn’t feel great as a trans player. I know this is still very early in the game - will we have the option to explore those gender feelings more, or change our presentation? In the 18th-19th century the concept of a “female husband” was a thing so it’s certainly not historically inaccurate to present in a nonconforming way at least.
I did enjoy it and I’m looking forward to seeing where you take the game :]
Hey, thank you. I know there’s a lot of branching, but I find it really satisfying to work on the story branch by branch, chunk by chunk. I’m not too worried about how expansive it is, it seems to work for my brain lol. Of course, that may change, it’s early days yet. What I am worried about is getting MC’s personality right, that eludes me.
I’ll be honest, I wanted to include a trans option because I strongly believe in equity, equality and inclusion, but I wasn’t planning much more than the occasional acknowledgement of discomfort with your gender. I was thinking it would work like most other Cog games where acknowledgement suffices. But of course it doesn’t, because this is a different era. Clearly I’m pants at being inclusive precisely because I didn’t think on it much further than that. (I didn’t know female husbands were a thing then!) But I can imagine that an occasional reference to it probably wouldn’t be very satisfying…
NGL, my knowledge of being trans is purely limited to academics. I do not actually know anyone trans. I’m a bit nervous to dive deeper into something I’m not that familiar with. But I am willing to try, and add a small sideplot for trans MC, along with the occasional references. (In fact, I think it could be fun ) Would that work? Or would you (and other trans players) prefer that I not have the option there if it’s not quite as extensive as cisgender male and female branches?
I’m sorry I wasn’t more thoughtful about this.
Who is the Doctor? I must know XD Lancelot is not based on him, sadly, but I’m intrigued now. Just wait, the man has a lot more to show you!
Pfft, In my head, court dress is like wearing a bird cage and I’m not changing my carriage scenes! Thanks for the video though, really cool. Bridgerton really fooled us all, huh?
See, I think I’m mucking up my coding, because I did include reactions to the newspaper. I also included a few lines for trans options in the tailor shop/modiste, which clearly didn’t show up. And there’s small scenes in the ball that also don’t appear. There is much editing to do…
How do you know so much? I would never have known about the origin of the word cliff notes lol. It’s amazing.
As for the moneylender’s children, ohoho, wait and see! Some things must take time to percolate so that they can reappear at just the right times! (And some things I genuinely don’t consider properly, because I am apparently a pillock - see above.) Be patient, Mr Sharpe’s family and the dastardly fiancé are not forgotten :]
That’s alright I don’t think you need extensive branches unless you want them. It’s a lot of content, you are the one who has to be sure.
I don’t usually play trans myself because I do need additional flavour that makes playing trans unique (for example how in Lemons it makes the pregnancy subplot flow better than playing a woman imo) and recognized.
You have a lot of variation planned as is, and so, I think you should take it easy if it’s not something you wish to include. Occasional fake_choice or flavour text is perfectly fine, imo, wherever you feel like putting it.
Thank you! That makes me feel a bit less like an inconsiderate jerk. I am plotting a side trans route in my brain already, so I think I am going to go with it - I have the ending planned already haha. It’ll at least be something, even if it’s not extremely comprehensive. But I won’t if anyone objects to it.
By the way, I was looking for your game thread for The Rabbit Game on the forum because I loved it and wanted to comment on it, but I see you’re only on Tumblr. I’m a bit Tumblr shy, the only social media I’m active on is Reddit lol. (But I did like your Tumblr with my Google account ) Anyway, really like it. I’ve considered writing a 1800s-style British Cluedo/Clue-style mystery too, I just love that genre. I can’t wait for more!5
I think that was a sneaky Doctor Who reference. The Doctor is a time and space traveling alien, who tends to save people from sci fi stuff. And it can be very timey whimy
(I mean, having fought formerly with a spoon and allegedly with a celery stick can’t be a coincidence, right? 