Salt City Private Eye

Hosted Games Works In Progress
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#1

Hey all, I’m new to this forum so go easy on me. I’m writing a game called Salt City Private Eye. You play an unconventional character with a problematic family who inherits their famous father’s private detection agency. There are cases to solve, but there’s a twist to your character’s situation that makes it difficult for them to make money from clients.

I’ll let you play it and find out what that is. I’m keen for any feedback you feel inclined to offer as this is my first time using choicescript and I’m sure to make some rookie mistakes. You can play as a guy/girl/or neither and I’ve sorted through probably around half the achievements.

Currently it’s about 20K words, or 3.5 chapters in. It’ll probably be a 100k+ word game when finished.

I’ve put the first chapters up here: https://dashingdon.com/play/clarge/salt-city-private-eye/mygame/index.php?cb=61356

Thanks, and talk soon…

Edit: as a couple of people have pointed out, this game contains a fair bit of drinking and smoking on the part of various characters, including the MC if they choose. Proceed with caution. It’s not a game for children.

Edit 2: I live in Australia so replies may be a little delayed since I’m asleep while you’re up and about.

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#2
Grammar and Other

“Larry was loser,”
*was a loser

Stick shift," says your bother, running a finger along a finely-polished door handle. “Twin turbine, V12 monster.”

*says your brother

“I have located a matress in the Salt City Private Eye offices I think your father must have used several times,” says Ludlow.

*mattress

Edit: accidentally hit the reply button too early. The story is quite intriguing and the characterization of the MC is a far cry from the blank slate that you see in most games. My only concern is that you may want to include a more comprehensive warning other than a tag in the adult-fiction category.

I’m looking forward to the next update :smiley:

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#3

My MC chose the mango pizza and milk combo. :rofl:

I’m liking how we can choose to play to the gumshoe tropes in old hard-boiled private eye stories. And of course there’s the setting; I’ve always wanted to play a choice game with tech and magic used in a near future world. I’m eagerly waiting for more!

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#4

I dig the tone of this story thus far. Didn’t get to read all the content yet, but plan to finish it this weekend.

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#5

i love this! I always love a good detective story, and the art is nice! One thing, i feel that there’s no choice to just ignore the family completely?
Oh also I’m trying to play MC as someone who listen to their doctor and kinda bummed we have to drink on several occasion. And there’s no clear instruction on when and how much pill to take!

Screenshot_20171116-222555
Screenshot_20171116-2225551080×1920 340 KB

do you mean fatty livers?


i like ludlow but i have a hunch they will be the mastermind behind all this :rofl:

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#6

Your writing is very entertaining, it actually made me laugh a couple of times, something that hasn’t happened often playing these games for me (guess 'cause most of them don’t really have comedy). I’m going to have fun intentionally calling Ludlow by the wrong name.

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#7

oh. it’s finally here, welcome.

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#8

I am really liking this story so far!

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#9

Nice game/story.

I think the lady ( daughter of the eccentric author Lazar - Dominique maybe ) is behind his disappearance.

Why would she do that to her dad - he has a growing mental illness, eccentric, wealthy, doesn’t talk to her very well, always busy.

Why would she come to us - salt lake private eye doesn’t have a good reputation but is connected to “London the great detective” so she can say I hired the best detectives and even they can’t find anything.

Other reasons of suspicions - her reaction to our flirting ( expected a lashing if she was least a bit concerned about safety of her dad )
Contacting us ( a detective agency whose door fell off ) instead of contacting the main agency ( and money clearly isn’t a problem for her )
Gut feeling

Yeah and we know no one else.

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#10

FINALLY! This it the first time I’ve seen the name Larry without having to input it myself. Granted it was for only one small paragraph, and he was being called a loser (btw grammar error: it said “Larry was loser”, Not Larry was A loser) but I’m not even mad.

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#11

…is no one gonna talk about the fact that there is a magic meter and that the dad SUMMONED A DEMON?! I’ve read most of it and there hasn’t been one mention of magic so why am I the only one freaking out about this
Unless I’m clueless as allways and missed every time they talked about magic

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#12

Hi there,

Thanks so much for the feedback, re grammar and spelling. I’m writing this in notepad so it’s not easy to check these things.

You’re absolutely right though, I’ll add something to the description regarding the drugs and alcohol content.

Regarding the MC, I want the story to feel compelling, and to do that I felt as though the MC needed a backstory to give the player reasons to do things.

Cheers
Chris

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#13

It’s good confusing with the alcohol bit and that

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#14

Yes, you will be able to follow an arcane investigative path, or use technology, or even a combination of both. Though I think maxing on one or the other will be more rewarding.

Thanks for the feedback.

Chris

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#15

Thanks for looking at it Eric. I hope you continue to like it.

#16

Hi there,

Thanks for reading. Your suggestions are all great. I hadn’t anticipated that someone would not want to drink at all (maybe that says something about me), but I will make changes to ensure you can avoid drinking if you want to.

I’ll also add doctor’s instructions on how much medication should be taken.

Regarding the family, they do suck a bit, don’t they? It’s meant to be that way. As the game progresses you’ll be given the option to try and patch things up with them, but I take your point. There will be options also to completely ignore them if you want.

Cheers for all of this.

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#17

Thanks for that. A little bit of comedy is usually part of my writing. I find it hard to write without it.
Poor Ludlow :slight_smile:

#18

Yes, thanks for your prompt. Very timely.

Cheers

1 Like
#19

Thanks for reading it!

#20

I’m not giving any of that away just yet haha, More characters will be introduced throughout the game and there will be plenty of suspects, have no fear of that.

Thanks for reading what I’ve put together so far. Glad you like it!

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