RISE reboot


#1

Hello, if you didnt know I was the creator of RISE working along with rrr. As you now he is fighting for our
country overseas and not able to work on RISE. I thought about the future of the game and decided to code for
RISE. I have included a new feature naming yourself and gender choice. I wasnt able to reach rrr and made an executive decision to continue and manange the game. I am looking forward to feedback and ideas (villans,characters etc.). Right now I am full so too sum it up enjoy thanksgiving!
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/107554226/web/web/mygame/index.html


#2

I noticed a few spelling mistakes if you choose to kill that theif horrifically.
“This scum ! has robbed and possibly killing people.” That ! shouldn’t be there.

“He deserve to die horrifiaclly.” There should be a “s” at the end of deserve.

“you then thrown dirt on top of his bloody body.” you should be You

I am glad someone decided to continue the game, because it had a lot of promise. Best of luck to you and RRR.


#3

Ok rrr isn’t killed by slendy.
And the game was good but because my english isn’t the best i didn’t see those spelling mistakes but still a nice game with good storyline so far


#4

The plot really ought to be planned more thoroughly so that it flows better and appears progressive rather than merely sequential, the spelling and punctuation needs to be revised, and the writing itself should certainly be re-done so as to augment scenes and actions with atmospheric flare, lest it be too blunt to be enjoyable.


#5

Yes i agree with @Drazen the story is too blunt and a confuse writing make it dificult to follow for a non native like me. The story has a lot of spelling problems if a non english found them. There are some words repetition. The story has potencial but sinceraly, i dont like the way its show to pc. Sorry for the critics i wish you luck


#6

WAY too many spelling and grammar issues, you need to take every scene and look it over until its perfect, you have dozens of errors if not hundreds, your writing needs extreme revision.


#7

I agree with Wired here, but I’m pretty sure it’s his Punctuation and spelling. Remember,
Grammar is how he words it right. There’s more Punctuation errors than Grammar.


#8

Omega [small] update I improved the grammar and punctuation a lot and added a new scene that I believe gives the character more depth. I omitted the naming scene because I wanted to re- do it. Thanks for the for spotting errors and there maybe more grammatical errors that I slip past just post them and I will fix it !
P.S.
Sorry for all the grammatical and punctuation I tryed to push it out Thanksgiving day when it really wasn’t ready.
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/107554226/web/web/mygame/index.html


#9

New updated link
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/107554226/web/mygame/index.html


#10

I got a error with the new link after 17 years flee away page:
Error: line 6: invalid indent, expected 2, was 1
Scene: variables


#11

I believe it is fixed @Marajade


#12

@Zane

Whoa, Kinda blunt man, by that I mean it goes by way to fast for me to even dive into the story, try to avoid it by being alot more detailed, like what people are wearing, how the character feel, the surroundings, thoughts in rushing around in your head, facial expressions stuff like that.

I feel the first Scene might be way too fast, Id like to see a more detailed struggle between you and the Would be robber, and the start is super blunt it needs to be written out more like make the person care about their parents like paint a picture of what it was like with parents vs what it was like after your parents were killed and how it changed the protagonist…

And, maybe paint a picture being out alone, I feel like an Orphan traveling around the world needs alot of explaining, I really dont see how you could do that unless your parents had some money somewhere but then that would make the game sound like a batman rip off, another thing that kinda jumped out, I know your a self-made hero and all but you start off already with so much martial art mastery already, All hero movies slowly build up from when being a hero occurred to them they always show before becoming a hero and what lead to it in a very drawn out manner, Examples: Spider-man, Batman, Kick-Ass, Green whatever, Fantastic Four, Hulk you have the blue print you just need to build on the story some more by writing in-depth and adding more detail and giving us a reason why to care for the characters.

Sorry, that im dragging this message out but I see alot of potential, really like the idea of the game but, All Heros need Character Development its important, Like you should have a few Chapters that go through training and stuff so its not just “You spent years mastering tons of Martial Arts, you are a Killing Machine on Steriods!”

Good luck Zane, Im not that great of a writer but, if you need any critics or help coding on the game I’ll help. :stuck_out_tongue:


#13

GAME under construction dont play until I give the ok that is all.


#14

@zane Okay :stuck_out_tongue: looking forward to it


#15

construction is over the game is less blunt and more flows also more writing.
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/107554226/web/mygame/index.html


#16

I noticed when you pick girl and your fighting with Becky you keep switching from she to he
“You push her fat arm to the left.Almost simultaneously swing your right arm all the way back and hit his face with brute, blunt force. Becky’s head sudden jerks back with the rest of hes body to follow.”


#17

It seems to do that through out the rest of the game as well.


#18

“I have been taken by Satan into the highest mountain in the earth, and when there he said he to me, ‘Child of earth, what wouldst thou have to make thee adore me?’ I replied, ‘Listen, I wish to be Providence myself, for I feel that the most beautiful, noblest, most sublime thing in the world, is to recompense and punish.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo


#19

Error fixed reaper interesting quote


#20

Thought it fit seeing as your essentially the quote itself, and I noticed after you finish the last scene the game loops to when you fight Becky. Also just thought I’d throw this out there, maybe you could find a bunch of different books on revenge, and then have the players select which one is the MC’s favorite and at some point in the game you could be talking to a detective and he could ask you something like what happened to you, with which you could respond with your MC’s Favorite quote.

Actually you could just have a bunch of quotes on revenge and have people pick their MC’s favorite and incorporate it into a scene kind of like I just stated