Reverse Alien Invasion


#1

Hi COG Forums,
So This past few days I finally sat down and cranked out around a chapter on an Idea that has been bouncing around in my head for some time now. I still don’t have a decent title for it, but I am working on it. The basic concept is that Earth has been destroyed and now humanity’s last population is adrift on a colony ship looking for a new home. I won’t go into too much detail here as most of the demo is dedicated to setting the scene and backstory.

Here’s the demo: https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/207824442/Alien_SciFi_Game_Thing/web/mygame/index.html

This is my first time trying this so if it doesn’t work let me know.

I would like some feedback on my writing style and the current back story.

Thanks,
Michael


#2

It bugged shortly after I got to the pit and the folks said hi, something about a missing #. I’m not sure if you intended for that to happen or not.

Anyway, it’s a decent first stab marred by various spelling errors (‘man’ where ‘many’ or ‘hop’ where ‘hope’ should be, for example) and some other weirdness like no planet names being properly capitalized. Some story stuff is also a bit weird, I think-- it was a bit jarring to put down ‘Norway’ as the country and then read about how it had usurped control of the project through sheer military might. I can’t really elaborate now due to being on a phone, but if I remember I’ll get back to this.


#3

Found an error. Line 70: Expected option with #.


#4

A quick test and I agree with @Golgot about entering a country that took control. Perhaps in this case some major countries around the world would work better?

I also ran into that error that stopped the game, as also mentioned by @Miki.

Overall I like the idea of being the “space invader” for once, but I would have to get back to you on any more serious feedback, today is not the best day (not well).


#5
  1. “immediatley” should be “immediately”
  2. “oreinted” should be “oriented”
  3. The “Expected option starting with #” error happens because the response text and *goto of the first two options don’t have the proper indentation, but it looks like you did it on purpose. I am mentioning it just in case you accidentaly didn’t indent it.

#6

Thanks for the feedback everyone. I’ll check out the errors later and yeah, I got a new keyboard a few weeks ago and it;s keys are so light that I sometimes hit a letter on accident or miss one that I thought I hit,


#7

Pretty interesting. Also, if you’re using notepad++ there’s a spellchecker plugin you candownload for all those pesky misspellings :slight_smile:


#8

@Babisko I’m not, but I’ll look into that

Fixed the error at line 70. Sorry about that. It was right at the end of what I’ve written anyway so you guys didn’t miss much. I tried notepad and it’s making it easier to correct spelling errors.

Also, @Golgot what would your solution to the country issue be? Allow the player to choose how their country resolved the conflict?


#9

Still on mobile, I apologize for brevity.

To me, it currently seems that the country one hails from is just a bit of fluff that won’t show up later-- correct me if I’m wrong here-- and I don’t really see why the country one hails from needs to have hijacked the ship. Perhaps the nations worked things out and all sent their own people, with the main character just happening to be one of [insert country]'s delegates. I just don’t see one country prevailing over all others in the world combined in THE most important task for every country. Even if this way is more peaceful, it can still inspire terrorism.

100,000 people is less than two thousandths of a percent of today’s population, let alone the future, so that’s going to leave a lot of people disgruntled that some videogame-playing layabout got their slot for survival.


#10

From the title I think the humans will be invading another planet though I am not sure of that also so far a great game


#11

@Golgot yeah the country thing is a bit of fluff but I didn’t want to railroad people into being from one of the major superpowers or something. Maybe I’ll have it so that you can decide how your country took control (or earned it’s way onto the ship)

As for the character being a “video game playing layabout”, that’s partially me trying to make that kind of point and also partially just because that’s what I imagine a soldier who is on a ship (even one that has 100,000 people on it) would spend his (rather abundant) downtime on. Especially when you consider that fights would be rather unlikely since 70% of the people were handpicked for their skill and temperament. Even drawing from only 1 countries pool of citizens, with only taking about 70,000 people (that are handpicked) you’d be taking only the cream of the cream of the cream of the cream of the crop.

@Zach

Yes, basically your ship holds humanities last population and you’ll have to decide what’s right: Doing what is good for your people or doing the more morally right thing.


#12

I can guess a few of the problems that might arise from trying to take over someone’s planet and I can only guess what chemicals diseases and other things that might take affect on the human race


#13

@Zach yes, that’s all part of the intended plot. To actually take this world over you’ll literally have to destroy it


#14

So today my goal is to adjust the placeholder start (with the video games and stuff) to determine your character’s stats. I also want to re-work the captains character to make him more believable. Finally, I 'd like to fix the country so that you can choose how your country got you on the ship. Even though I doubt it will affect the story, it’ll make the beginning read better since it’ll help break up the wall of text.


#15

realy good and I really enjoyed it


#16

@JLBH Glad you liked it. Any thing you would change that hasn’t already been mentioned?


#17

Maybe slow down the pace add a little more detail and about the families on board and how some people cope others don’t and people go insane so maybe they execute them


#18

@JLBH You think I should add more detail to the intro segement? I was slightly concerned about adding as much as I did. I wanted to avoid hitting readers with a huge wall of text, but if you don’t think that’s an issue I guess I could add some more stuff to it.


#19

Ts up to you matey


#20

The title is not necessarily going to be very tittle like when you make this an official game. Still caught my attention so i can’t argue about the title