Really enjoyed this (that cliffhanger tho!!!) i am so looking forward to seeing where it’ll go!! i love the different reactions you can have and the combinations that can gave a unique character, it seems that you’ll also have some focus on npc characters/companions as well? (crosses fingers!) I also love the prophetic dreams aspect… along with the arrival of this mysterious stranger which may or may not be connected… v intriguing…
Aside from some spelling errors I do have a few things to point out that might be helpful:
On the ground your priestess laid, resting. He was exhausted from communing with the Gods, and would be of no more use in this fight.
*priestess usually implies female so you could use “priest” or “they” rather than “he” (unless this was intentional)
Striding forward, it commanded the other Val’Shuun to withdraw.
*the next paragraph suggests they’ve advanced to attack rather than withdraw?
“Time to wake up now, young master” Rosalie said sternly
*later she calls you “mistress” if female so you should probably take this out or change it to a gender-neutral term
You felt magic at work. Your brain was flooded with a magical presence, and it was the most uncomfortable feeling you ever felt.
*comfortable ?? or if you did intend it to be an uncomfortable feeling i’m curious for an explanation! as this would contradict that MC felt it had “always belonged” on their arm
Not some rich merchants child, or even those non-magical “Nobles”. Though the distinction is not new to you, seeing it clearly displayed on your codex, made you feel giddy like a little kid again.
*being giddy implies that you enjoy the distinction of your rank even tho u can contradict this in next choice
I almost never left, unless my parents or some trusted guardians were with me.
*inconsistent pov
wrinkle-free suit and bowtie
*period accurate? i read you mentioned this takes place resembling medieval times, so a bowtie and suit would be out of place, unless that style of clothing is an intentional choice?
On the outside you were smiling, and on the inside you were
*this would flow more naturally if you cut out the “on the inside you were”; for example instead “you were smiling and/but you felt ___” depending on the previous choice.
One more suggestion, maybe you might think about including part of the expanded choice in the initial choice selection? for example, rather than just one-word answers you could include a clarification of what that choice entails. one good example of this is in your reaction to your parents’ trip, choosing “concern” results in later stating that you were never close to your parents while we have no way of knowing that’s what the “concern” choice entails. TLDR; make it clearer to know what the intention behind each choice is before rather than after choosing it.
Also… i like how you worked in the choices for determining MC’s orientation but i also hope that MC’s initial reaction to Max/Maxxie wont determine the availability of a later possible romance?? :3 bc i can see alot of storytelling potential for the relationship; childhood enemies but becoming friends/lovers later, a mutual/one sided crush on either/both, initial best friends who drift apart, enemies who stay enemies, etc… i know that’s a lot of variables just for one character but interesting to think about!
edit: also!! im wondering if we can go against or refuse to use our Housr magic… even though it seems to be the strongest stat maybe there can be ingame opportunities to express that you actually despise the magic of your family and take every opportunity to avoid using it… except in cases of extreme danger and even then we may feel guilty about it? so many possibilities…