too many RO, characters and powers is a bad thing I agree. In the demo we get fire, duplication, acid tears, flight and arm blade I think. That is OP AF and this was a short demo.
In the webcomic Unordinary the MC can copy up to 3 powers and amplify it temporarily but the other characters have to use it first, thats more reasonable.
Honestly the problem with that list is more that it’s kinda repetitive since fire and acide tears seem to serve the same purpose and duplication is the same kind of ‘melee force multiplier’ as arm blade.
Not that you couldn’t end up with some super cool combo and fight scene by combining say arm blade and duplication.
So it could quickly devolve into a long list of redundant powers the author has to account for and it sounds like a lot of hard work for very little payoff.
I have no issue with the MC being strong and having cool powers, I just think it need to be handled in a way where it doesn’t risk making the game way too hard to reasonably write and doesn’t take away from the overrall story.
Yeah, the biggest thing I knew I needed to change was the lack of a real plot. It made the scenes boring because they really had no purpose, as there was no plot to move forward. The side characters existed just to exist, rather than actually benefiting the story.
In this new version I’m working on, there is a plot that will be clear from the beginning, and each side character will have 1) A clear connection to that plot and way they help move it forward, 2) A much more detailed backstory, and 3) An optional “side quest” of sorts that you may help them with if desired.
I’m also working more on world building. I want the atmosphere to be ever-present, and I don’t want to forget important details like I did in the first one. (This version should have more consistent mask wearing.)
That said, this story is still my first time actually writing anything, so I don’t expect version 2 to be perfect either! I’m learning as I go, and I hope to keep learning from all my mistakes in version 2 to possibly make an even better version 3!
Exactly my G, in the Unordinary webcomics thats what they did, the MC can copy 3 and mix the powers like shield + speed + arm blades its so friggin epic
Yeah my G keep up the good work, constructive criticism helps a lot if you swallow your pride and feelings. I would say limit the side characters and ROs, less is more and its easier also you can focus on not genderlocking your ROs that way, games with 4+ ROs always get genderlocked because its too many.
I would say nerf the MC such as power has a copy limit or a time limit, also side quests take more energy and is useless for a IF game bro, ditch that and focus on a story where your characters are always involved instead.
But in short focus on Story (Save the world, running from the government, avenging someone), Characters (Romance, Relationships and Emotion) and Backstory (Trauma) and you got a nice well rounded game like the GOAT Fallen Hero series
But keep up the good work man, do your best and never give up 
I will say that yeah it seems aimless, but to me that felt natural for a person who spent the first years of their adult life carving out a powerless existence in a powered world. In this type of scenario I would naturally expect the plot to come from other forces, but admittedly I get wanting there to be a proper through line for whats going on.
Speaking in, cause the convo just now made me remember, I did mean to say a bit ago after playing with the clone powers enough to have them infront of the snitch that if we keep the same powers as our twin in any form it opens up the plothole that is exemplified by the excuse given to cover the fact that you’ve stolen someone’s clone ability. Namely that while admittedly complex materials would still possibly be outside of your wheelhouse, it is truly logical that if you were already holding something simple you could probably recreate it. This would still be an admittedly shallow imitation of your twins ability and possibly cause some form of derision in your family still, but it would be there. So going to a point that Dragomer made, its probably a good thought to just make the power based off of grabing others powers instead.
Yeah story wise its kind of hard to do as your twin has literal creation while your power is stealing others powers so both of you are OP AF.
Not to mention making a story based off just twin rivalry seems very weak compared to getting hunted down by your rich family or the government maybe. Getting blackmailed because you shoplifted a watch is such a weak motivator as well
I think copying is a cool skill and also no other story have done this but it has to have a limit and somehow this game has to have a story with good characters. I say go stick with the copying ability but find a storyline to make it work, a Fallen Hero like story of becoming a villain or anti hero sounds perfect for this game.
Having a strong motivator and traumatic backstory also helps, if the story is “im gonna beat my asshole twin who’s rich and partying on a yacht” it feels weak.
I’m sure the author will figure something out
I’ll just say in advance, a lot is going to change. I already have many of the details written out, but it’s too early to share them. Don’t want to accidentally give something away that ends up being a spoiler! I’m very excited for when it’s ready to discuss, though.
On that note, one of the things that are going to change are the characters you meet along the way. This brings an important question: are there any character traits you really liked that you would be sad to see go? I can’t promise I’ll keep what you liked if it no longer makes sense in the story, but it would be very useful in deciding just how much I should change these characters.
I really liked how random Aster is, but I don’t see that working all that well in the job? I don’t know if that’s part of what you are intending to change, but if you’re taking our suggestions, I’d like you to try to keep at least some of that.
Hey author you said there would changes but your not going to get rid of the kid we meet in the game the kid we steal a necklace from.
Are you saying you want me to keep that character? Or am I misunderstanding?
Yep that’s what I’m saying I want you to keep the kid 
I’ve been working on this new version’s outline for a while now, but I just came to a strange conclusion:
This story would actually be much better from the perspective of one of my side characters instead of the main one.
I came to this conclusion once I realized that the original main character would probably empathize with the main enemy too much to want to stop them. This side character, on the other hand, has very strong motivation to stop the enemy.
So now I’m debating if I should entirely switch the main character. I’d still be able to use most of the outline I’ve made, but instead of you playing someone who steals powers, you’d be someone who starts with strong powers and starts slowly losing them. I know many of you like the idea of stealing powers, though, so I’m not sure if it would be a good idea to remove that concept.
Both sound like interesting stories but being the power stealer with moral dilemmas to grapple with is more interesting as a game (line-goes-up is always fun, making tough decisions is fun and what CoG is good at). Playing a character with a straight line motivation with no room to veer off course is pretty simplistic and coupled with becoming less stronk as you go… the rest of the systems in the game are going to have to do a lot of heavy lifting IMO.
Playing a character with a straight line motivation with no room to veer off course is pretty simplistic
I agree! That’s part of the reason I want to make this change, actually. The side character has a much more complicated relationship with the antagonist, so how they respond to the situation is much more open ended.
To explain why I think it would be a good idea to switch the main character, I should probably give a little description of what this version of the story is about. Disclaimer: Everything I say about this version is liable to change. That’s the reason I haven’t discussed it much up until now.
In this version, you don’t steal powers, you copy them. This means that unlike in version 1, nobody is harmed by your ability unless you use it against them.
When your sweet childhood friend (who would never hurt a fly) suddenly starts stealing powers and causing mass havoc, you need to figure out what turned him evil—Is he blackmailed? Is he mind controlled? Did he finally just snap?—and stop him if it comes to it.
Here’s the problem, though. The MC kept the backstory from before, where you had no powers and were always bullied for it, so you’d probably empathize with your friend for stealing powers rather than think something went terribly wrong and turned your friend evil. Due to that, the whole big plot point of “What turned your sweet childhood friend evil?!” doesn’t seem very convincing.
On the other hand, one side character I made was also friends with the “villain” of the story before he turned evil. The two of them worked together to invent the power stealing device (to use against villains) and then suddenly the sweet friend stole the device, along with the side character’s powers. So this side character definitely has a reason to think their friend turned evil. It raises the stakes a ton.
coupled with becoming less stronk as you go… the rest of the systems in the game are going to have to do a lot of heavy lifting IMO.
This is the part I’m most concerned with. When playing a character, most people would want to get stronger, not weaker! To counter that, I’m thinking that this character starts off as someone who relied on their powers for everything, so they are very out of shape and never tried hard on anything because they never needed to before. When they start losing their powers, they need to actually work on themselves in order to do anything.
Their powers can control time/speed, so once they realize their powers are fading and they only have a limited time with them, they can bulk up / learn a lot / practice fighting / whatever they choose, with the help of their weakening powers speeding up the process for them. Kind of like one of those training montages in films where the character quickly gets more powerful. I was hoping that might help make up for losing your powers, since you’ll still be getting more powerful in other ways. Self-improvement can be a superpower in its own way!
@LordHavoc imo the story from the current perspective is to the better, cause if it’s from a side character’s perspective, it won’t even be the same work. Also if a Player/reader won’t get to have the choice to have a moral dilemma, to choose to want to be good or bad while dealing with those that wronged them/messed with them is a bit bland.
To put it simply, the other perspective you mentioned/explained will be completely different story that is simply set in parallel to the one you actually started with.
yeah but then it won’t exactly be the story of a non-superpowered individual, gaining superpowers, it’s exact opposite, it’d be a superpowered individual losing their powers.
You can still be good or bad, this wouldn’t change that. The story isn’t about stopping evil and saving the day, it’s about figuring out what happened to your friend and choosing how to respond to it. How you respond, be that trying to kill your friend, save them, whatever, that’s up to the player. But I want the player to have that choice. I feel like if I use the original main character, there won’t really feel like there is any choice at all, because only one possible response to the situation would make sense.
That is not to say that I’m giving up on the idea of keeping the original main character! But if I want to keep it the same, I’m going to need to put in some work to make it a more investing storyline from the perspective of that character.
This is true, and it’s the reason I’m so unsure about changing the main character. It would change the original concept for sure. But what I’m wondering is if it’s really better to stick with an old idea with problems or to change to ideas that might make the story more investing in the long run.
That said, it surprisingly really wouldn’t change that much in the story. After all, this is a side character because they experience many of the same things as the main character, so the scenes would be largely the same, just with different possible responses to situations.
I like the old concept of being able to take/steal powers and becoming filthy powerful. If you’re able to fix whatever issues you have with the story-telling, then it’d be an amazing concept… Which has been already kinda proved with the current wip/unchanged wip