First off, love that you’re getting back to this. I found it not on the forum, but on a Dashingdon dive somewhere in the beginning of the year, but when I came to here it looked like with was possibly shelved. I’m definitely looking forward to seeing what the updates bring and adding some feedback where I can.
But now, onto a few minor thoughts
1) I’m all for a power’s name and Tox is one I absolutely love. But my second thought after, “This is a really cool name” was that this would probably have an Infamous type scenario, where people who think positively of the powers may take a different name for them, maybe even just calling them superpowers as Tox does still carry somewhat of a negative connotation. but it would definitely be common slang for sure. That’s just my take away.
2) and here’s my big thing. I’m of 2 minds for the power to change fully from steal to copy. Cause on the one hand, copying the ability instead of stealing it allows you to not only fly under the radar a bit more, but also gives you the chance to take powers from people you’re on friendly terms with and learn the tips and tricks they may have to give you an extra leg up. On the other hand I liked the fact that you had to be cautious as to which powers you took if you didn’t want people out there hunting for a power stealer. Still, I think I have a fix for my thoughts on it, but at the same time I know that it becomes very annoying to code if you take my idea so feel free to say “you’re stupidly ambitious, chill out dude”
3) My solve would also help give more options as to what type of person the player wants to be. I assume that the power of “Anything we want” is still our primary Tox and the power copy/steal would still just be the only way we figured how to use it. And in that case, it should be as simple as recontextualizing the power. So in that scenario you’d be able to either copy or steal the power based on what you feel like doing.
Anyways sorry to blurb you like this, but I really enjoyed playing this and can’t wait to see where you take it.
Interesting thoughts about the name! I see what you are getting at, but I don’t think people consider Tox to be a negative word. Yes, toxicity may sound like a bad thing to you and me, but to many of them, this toxicity is something to celebrate! After all, it gave them their powers. And even for those that are not proud, it is still hardly a secret that their powers are caused by toxicity. So it is not really saying anything negative about the power, but merely calling it what it is.
Okay, so I wrote an entire long response to your second/third part, but I’ve been awake for far too long and my words are all blurring together, so I realized that my response didn’t quite make sense. I’ll fix it up after I have a chance to fix my brain and respond to you about it then!
Ya I liked that part too. Imagine the rumor that there is a maniac going around stealing people’s powers. Would force us to be more cautious and selective.
If we are just copying them, I dont see any reason why others would be bothered by us unless we use our powers extensively in full display of the public
Okay, now onto part two of your comment. Were you thinking that you’d choose in the beginning whether you can steal Tox or copy them? Or were you suggesting that the player would be able to choose on a case-by-case basis? Because depending on what you were thinking, my answer to that would change. (I originally wrote the response with the idea in mind that you would pick once whether to copy or steal Tox and then be stuck with what you chose, but then I realized that I may have been misunderstanding.)
I think I like the mc stealing other’s powers better. Maybe a side effect could even be that, if they do it enough, their local area begins to noticeably improve due to lowered pollution?
The fact that the mc “steals” powers is, imho, also a central part of making the blackmail work, particularly now that you plan to lower the age of the mc. A copycat wouldn’t really need to hide as they are not really taking anything from anybody and besides once you copy enough powers you would gain a unique powerset anyway…so let the critics prove it is a result of copying then because the easy defence there would be that the mc simply has a more limited imagination (literally) than their brother, but being unimaginative was never really a crime.
You put it perfectly imo. MC and their twin has the power to create anything they imagine and visualise and since MC can’t visualise anything, they accidentally found a sort of workaround for this tox/power, that is to either steal ot copy someone else’s power, this can be a choice for the player.
Oh yes, don’t worry, you definitely will not be forced to like your twin any more than before. There will just be certain circumstances that allow you to have more of a choice on how to respond to them. Whether that be to reconnect or leave them crying like a baby will be up to you.
In answer to your question, I was thinking case by case. Cause the way it works in my head is that this spontaneous evolution into being able to use our Tox would most naturally form as a steal, like in the current form of the awakening where we’re just like, “man, I wish I could just create flames at will” and then we jack his flames. But once it’s understood how to both jack powers and replicate it, I feel like the MC would be capable of arguing semantics with their head, especially if it’s after they’ve already jacked a duplicating ability like the one the kid has.
That makes sense. But I left out some important information here. In the new version of the story, you do not actually use your own Tox to copy powers. Instead, there is a device that allows you to do this. (Or, more specifically, a patch that you apply to your skin.)
Why did I make this change?
I really didn’t like that a loophole allowed you to use your Tox to steal powers, since that gave way to several problems, such as, but not limited to:
Giving you too much power. Like you mentioned, if you could steal Tox, why wouldn’t you just be able to copy Tox as well? And if that is true, where is the limit? Why can’t you just use your Tox to also read minds or stop time? I realized that allowing your Tox to work this way was simply too abusable.
If you can steal powers with your Tox, surely your twin can as well. Do you really want your twin to be able to do that?
Plus, this patch is relevant to the new and improved plot! I’m not giving away all those secrets just yet, but I’ll probably leak more information as I go.
Because of this change, the idea of being able to switch back and forth how you use this device is a bit more complicated, since the patch wouldn’t be able to read your mind to know how you wish to use it.
This also changes some other aspects of the story. While you still must hide the copied Tox at least somewhat, now your motivation is not the fear of jail, but rather the fear that someone else may decide they want to steal the patch for their own nefarious use. Since this is less threatening than before, it gives you more leeway on using the Tox, which I hope will make the game more fun to play.
Pollution intoxicates people, causing them to have Tox. But Tox itself doesn’t cause pollution. The pollution is caused by treating the environment badly, not by using Tox. Tox is just the result of the pollution.
Because of this, stealing Tox won’t help the pollution. At best, you could threaten to steal people’s Tox if they don’t pick up litter or something of that sort. But you could just as easily try to remove pollution by using the new Tox that you’ve acquired from copying them.
Noted, still the mc being a power stealer imho works better with the whole blackmail plot, if you plan to keep that element, otherwise the mc being dull and unimaginative compared to their twin makes them dull and forgettable…at least in the eyes of the public, not a criminal.
That depends on what you consider dead! Will I continue this version that you can read here? Probably not. However! I’ve been working on an entirely new version of the story. I haven’t even started the draft yet, because I’m going intensely into the outlining first, as this new version will have much more going on. But I already have many of the details, and I keep going back and adding more when I have the time. So eventually this will continue and (I hope) actually finish. I can’t promise when it will become a WIP you can read, but I definitely haven’t given up on this story just yet!
This seems like a very convoluted way to make the character technically powerless while also leaving a massive slippery slope where we could easily become invincible.
This is fine on its own but when combined with the above sentence, it feels like two tagline / selling point for two different games and they don’t seem to mesh well. If anything they contradict each others since we start off with two powers (just one we can’t use) and you could very easily steal a power to fix your aphantasia and become basically God instantly.
I’d honestly get rid of the ‘Reality Warping that you can’t use due to a technicality / condition’, it takes away too much from the main point.
I really like that, we need more games where we can romance multiple characters without it just being a love triangle or triad.
Anyway, good luck on the rewrite and good job taking feedback without getting discouraged!