Power Grab Feedback

[Breaky]

This is certainly a unique take on the “hero is overpowered beyond reason” trope and I like it. The “you can only keep a limited amount of powers at once” part was something I’ve been silently screaming at anime writers and Superman’s story writers for a long time but…yeah.

Anyway,sweet talk’s over. Time for the parts I DIDN’T like/understand(spoiler alert)

Parts i didn't like/understand

1. At the beginning,you mention that a great…pollution-calpyse resulted in people gaining these powers? You also mentioned,in the character creator chapter,that the MC has to wear a mask in order to survive the conditions outside(or something in the same vein,i forgot the exact words).
   Well,I don’t see any reference to that later on in my routes. It’s as if we’re supposed to just know that everybody wears masks(do it people,do it for the world’s sake) and that everybody can see through the masks(referring to the facial descriptions of the characters).

2. (This point has been already mentioned, but imma mention it anyway)
   After the MC learns of his power,he steals a duplication one from a kid who expressly mentions that he can only duplicate things when he’s under anxiety.
   When the MC tries it later on,we’re told that it can be controlled if the MC focuses enough. Is that a plot hole,or is it intended?

Anyway,I like the premise and the overall character designs. Please don’t bunch their romance routes into tropes. I hate tropes.
Have a good day,anybody who survived after reading all of this.

[LordHavoc]

Glad you like it!

@Breaky

and that everybody can see through the masks(referring to the facial descriptions of the characters).

I actually do address this, but it is very brief, so I am not surprised that it could be missed. When you first meet Finley, it states, “Their mask, like most these days, displays their expressions on a screen on its front.” But I agree that it would be beneficial to discuss the situations with the masks more in-depth, rather than just glancing over the topic and never referring back to it.

In the past, I’ve considered discussing more about the masks, such as how people can personalise their masks to make them unique, etc, but I didn’t want to distract too much from the plot, so I ended up scrapping that idea.

This is reminding me that I really ought to bring up the pollution (and how it affects the world) more often, so thanks for that!

@Breaky

After the MC learns of his power,he steals a duplication one from a kid who expressly mentions that he can only duplicate things when he’s under anxiety.

Oh, no, anxiety is definitely not a requirement of that power! Anxiety simply causes the power to be less controllable, causing duplication to happen on its own. This can be seen more when you accidently duplicate a pencil later on.

Some very unnecessary details on that topic for those of you curious.

This may be more in depth than the story ever gets on the topic, but it actually isn’t only that power that can be uncontrollable in that way. Some powers are just not entirely stable, and something like a strong emotion can trigger them involuntarily. Most people learn how to control their powers when they are still young, so it isn’t really an issue for them, but there is always the occasional kid who just can’t seem to keep their powers in check. It is pretty rare for an adult to still have problems like that, though. Luckily, powers are less strong when kids are young, so there aren’t many cases of accidents where kids accidentally catch their house on fire.

There are some children with difficulty using their powers who try to take advantage of this instability and may, to escape the bullying of their peers, privately ask their friends to insult them or otherwise cause them strong emotions so that people will see them use their powers and stop making fun of them. (Similarly, when you originally could not figure out how to create fire, your emotions ended up helping you.)

And yes, when you could not use your powers as a child, there were people who tried to “help” you out by insulting or physically harming you in an attempt to trigger them. And yes, your father has tried sending you to a “therapist” who specialised in doing exactly that.

By the way, sorry everyone for not writing in a while! I’ve been incredibly busy, but I’m just about to start having time again, so I’m excited to get back to it.

[LordHavoc]

I know this is quite late now, but I’ve been very busy and just realised that I never responded to some of the things you brought up. You may be right that it is a good idea to add limits, and I like the different possibilities you gave. Regarding this limit:

@Yeshua

Mental Limit: The character can have an indefinite amount of abilities but doing so can be detrimental to their mental health.

I actually had originally been considering a story line in which the more powers you steal, the more addicted you get, leading to problems such as withdrawal and the like. But I felt that it may be too gloomy rather than fun to play. I still do like the concept, however.

[Yeshua]

@LordHavoc

I actually had originally been considering a story line in which the more powers you steal, the more addicted you get, leading to problems such as withdrawal and the like. But I felt that it may be too gloomy rather than fun to play. I still do like the concept, however.

I can see why you chose not to add this in the story.

[Thanh_Chung_Vu]

Gotta love being lectured while playing a game for no reason.

[LordHavoc]

@Mohib_Waris

Please tell me this wip is still being worked on.

This is still being worked on! The progress is very slow right now, but I do really want to finish writing this before getting to any of the other ideas I’ve been thinking about writing, so you can be sure that it will get finished eventually! I’ve just started really putting time into it again, so hopefully I’ll soon get back into the flow of consistent writing.

@Thanh_Chung_Vu

Gotta love being lectured while playing a game for no reason.

What were you lectured on? I hope it was a fun lecture where the cool professor taught you the wonders of science! But given the context here, I’m guessing that isn’t it.

[Thanh_Chung_Vu]

Seem like this part is unnecessary, beside the purpose of lecturing.

[LordHavoc]

Ah, that wasn’t meant there as a lecture. That’s just Dakota being Dakota. He’s very protective of his friends, which is relevant because they will come up again in the story. My intentions were not to advocate that you ask everyone for their pronouns. In fact, some people actually prefer /not/ getting asked for their pronouns. But then, I am not Dakota, and not all of his thoughts match my own.

However, I see how it came across as lecturing, so I’m glad you brought it up! I’ll see what I can do to change that.

[LordHavoc]

Why was this flagged?

[AdmiralLynx89]

While I’ll grant that the wording could be seen as innocuous enough, generally questions like that are against community guidelines because they can also be interpreted to be pestering/putting pressure on an author. If it got flagged, then someone likely viewed it as heckling you for updates.

There’s nothing wrong with you feeling less bothered by that sort of thing than someone else might be, but forum rules are what they are in this instance.

[LordHavoc]

Interesting! I didn’t take it that way at all. I was glad to know that people enjoyed my story enough to ask about it continuing.

[Empress_Nightmare]

@LordHavoc

I was glad to know that people enjoyed my story enough to ask about it continuing.

Are you kidding, this is an amazing idea… G’Luck with the writing and you daily life…

[Jessica_Ward]

Let me start off by saying your writing is great and I love the idea behind Power Grab.

However, I never managed to finish the demo because I got annoyed at the MC just telling Levi about their grievances involving their twin and about their new powers and just letting Levi work for them for no reason outside of a ‘my grandma said I was supposed to do something great’ when the way my MC was acting would have led to a refusal towards Levi and they would never have told a stranger (especially one they’d just stolen from) about their issues with their twin and stuff). They also wouldn’t just give the necklace back at any point.

Saying all of that. I’ll definitely be keeping an eye on updates and progression of the story and I’ll probably attempt to get all the way through the demo solely because I love the whole plot of the story.

[snas]

@LordHavoc

I was glad to know that people enjoyed my story enough to ask about it continuing.

hey if that doesn’t work out you could still work on that dairy farmer plan

jk this is still good

[Riley_Rivard]

It was deemed inappropriate or something idk why I just asked if the game was still being made?

[Empress_Nightmare]

@Riley_Rivard

It was deemed inappropriate or something idk why I just asked if the game was still being made?

I think that’s exactly it, asking these questions is kinda against the rules… So likely someone might have interpreted it in that way…

[Empress_Nightmare]

Oi @LordHavoc can MC use more than one the stolen powers at a time?

Also anyone have more than one power?

[User1]

Please, please tell me I can have a villain name

[LordHavoc]

Hello! I haven’t updated my story in a while, but I haven’t forgotten about it. I had many things I wanted to change with the original version of the story, so now I’m working on mapping out the details for an all new and (hopefully) improved version of the story. All the feedback here was very important for the changes I am going to make, so thank you all for that!

The plans for this new version include a much clearer plot, more in-depth characters to explore, better world building, and maybe even a bit of mystery.

While I do have many plans for things to change, I’m still in the early stages of the planning for this version 2.0, so let me know if there are any things you hope to see in this version that the first one didn’t cover!

Without giving too much away, here are some likely changes to expect:

1. This world will now have a word for superpowers! No longer will I need to search for synonyms to avoid saying “Your power has the power to make you powerful.” Yuck. The new tentative word for powers is Tox, named after the toxicity from the pollution that causes the superpowers.

2. Many of you commented about problems you saw with stealing people’s Tox (AKA powers). Some didn’t want to play the bad guy who would ruin people’s lives like that. Others didn’t want to steal Tox because they worried that they would get caught. I want you to be able to use Tox without worrying about things like that, which is why I have decided to make the big change of giving you the ability to copy—not steal—people’s Tox. Hopefully this doesn’t disappoint too many people. (But if it does, let me know! Your feedback is important!)

3. Speaking of your Tox, I never loved the explanation I gave for how you gained your powers. This version of the story will have a much less abstract origin to your sudden gain of power.

4. I think I’m going to age the characters down a bit. Right now I’m thinking they will be around 18 or so.

5. While most players seemed to want to murder their twin as violently as possible, there were a select few who actually wanted the chance to reconnect with their twin. My current plans make this possible! (But don’t blame me when you have to deal with the consequences of that hot mess.)

6. Perhaps the most important change: No more of that convoluted scene with Levi and the necklace. (As much as I tried fixing it, it was just such a stupid scene to begin with.)

I want to make this new version much better than the original, so I don’t plan on rushing into it. That means you probably shouldn’t expect any big changes to the draft any time soon. But I’d love to get feedback throughout the brainstorming process so that I can make this new version as fun for everyone as possible.

Also, if you never commented about my story before, please feel free to comment on it even though I plan on making a new version! Your feedback about the story version that currently exists helps me know what people like and dislike, which is still incredibly valuable!

[Scorporal]

Hey I love that its just power copy now! I really like what I saw from the demo. Wishing u the best!