Orphic Love (WIP) – Chapter 5 now LIVE – Play Chapters 1-5!

FWIW I don’t repro this issue on Chrome.

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https://www.choiceofgames.com/clear-site-data/

Don’t know if folks are familiar with this link, but it can help with the endless load issue, I’m told. Which ofc is not relevant for a dashingdon.com hosted game, but for future reference.

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@fellglow @Wink_Wonk_Teal @DropsCity1992 Have re-uploaded the files to DashingDon, hopefully that does it!

@Jeneara this is so lovely to read – and very encouraging too! Smooching them all is most certainly on the cards :wink:

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It didn’t work for me, maybe the others had luck? Thank you again for trying to troubleshoot this! I did see this in another post in the forums but I’m unsure if it’ll be helpful since it’s two years old :sob:

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will try it later on opera gx , chrome i dont like eats to much reassouces when to many tabs are open and always makes my drive go 100% no matter what i set in chrome so there i cant help

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The game plays fine on Firefox for me.

Try playing in a private window or tab; for some reason it seems your cookies are not clearing correctly.

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Okay so I would like to report that I was finally able to play all chapters!! I finally figured out how to clear cookies on mobile Chrome, and I made sure I was connected to a stable internet connection this time!

I would like to slap Morpheus, just a teeny bit, lol. Also, Ares with the cake :heart: I love that I can just be super giddy about a cake :grin:

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How does the saying go: Kill them with kindness :joy:

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I figured out what was happening - it was user error, and I have been able to play the entire demo this entire time :sweat_smile: :sob: I didn’t notice when the chapter changed, mostly because the “Next Chapter” text is where the button usually just says “Next” and my brain only really acknowledged the first word lol. So sorry for the hubbub, Lidia!

On a less embarrassing note, I absolutely love this WIP and was so sad to think there was more to play that I couldn’t get to lol. I especially enjoy the more gentle take on Ares and I also can’t wait to knock Morpheus down a peg :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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@Wink_Wonk_Teal @fellglow So glad you both got to play it in the end :blush: thanks for the lovely feedback too, there’s definitely more gentle Ares and cake coming up. When it comes to Morpheus learning a little humility, however, I can’t promise anything :wink:

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I am a huge fan of Greco-Roman mythology, so I had to play through. Congratulations on getting your first chapters up! I wrote out some constructive feedback below as I played.

  • Right out of the gate, I like your writing style. It’s easy to follow, but still interesting and draws in a reader. A reader can tell that you have worked hard to perfect your writing voice, and it makes me excited to follow your work.
  • The stats you’ve chosen also feel broad and accommodating for how someone may like to characterize their MC. I would personally like to see them capitalized, though–I know this seems like a small thing, but proper grammar in a book/COG makes me feel more like the more minute attention to quality is deserving of my money. It also feels jarring when some are capitalized and some are not.
  • On the first page of the game, you say the following:

An amber blush peeks over the edge of the sky, heralding the arrival of dawn. You feel sleep’s grip on the mortals of Hellas loosen. They’ll soon rise, break their fasts and tend to their duties.

  • 2 pages later, the first sentence is:

It’ll be a while yet before you hear them. For now, you hover above the slumbering mortal realm.

  • To me this feels a bit repetitive to read. If you wanted to stress that we are located above the mortals, I think that the next sentence describing the Hellenic peninsula does so enough, and is a much more interesting sentence to start the page. You describe a beautiful image and I think it deserves to stand out a little bit more.
  • I love the choices for how our Epiali appear, although the idea of a large swarm of spiders surging towards me and being absorbed into my skin is enough to give me nightmares, in case the MC would like to know.
  • There’s a page where we choose to sneak away, excuse ourself, our leave to find “it.” This left me confused about what exactly I was choosing to do. I do not know what “it” is. More clarity here would be appreciated.
  • I understand the desire for conflict and the one with Ares, Aphrodite, and Ares’ betrothed certainly is one, but from a meta-perspective I do feel disappointed by the inclusion of a conflict with the narrative’s resident “mean girly-girl.” I understand that in myth, Aphrodite is known for her vain jealousy, but Ares is also known for his anger and brutish ways, so why does he get a redemption from his mythical portrayal and not Aphrodite? Her portrayal feels dated and uses a narrative tool of “women fighting over a man and the one that we aren’t rooting for is girly and bitchy and so MEAN” that I personally think the romance genre should move away from or at least find more unique ways of tackling it. It would feel a tiny bit better at least if we could tell Aphrodite we have no intention of marrying Ares if that is how we are playing. It was almost enough to make me put the demo down, frankly.
  • The interaction with Theron is so far my favorite moment. I like the spoken dance between him and the MC, the banter and intrigue with who he is and his struggle with the gods.
  • I love the complex and interesting portrayals of men in this story as they feel, from Zeus to Morpheus to Zagreus to Hades. But this makes me sadder that the only portrayals of women in this story so far have been mothers and rivals. I hope this changes in future chapters and we have more diverse portrayals of women later in the story.

All in all, I think this is a very promising story and I’m looking forward to its release on Heart’s Choice, but I feel that some of its portrayals of women–namely Aphrodite–does not feel inviting for a broader audience. There’s so much compelling plot buildup, so much excellent writing, but this one thing keeps me from being able to recommend my friends to follow this work as well. With that said, I was sad when I got to the end of the demo! I was incredibly engrossed in the writing and hadn’t even realized I was approaching the last page, and it kinda bummed me out a little :joy: Congratulations again for working with COG and Heart’s Choice!

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This is such thorough and helpful feedback, thanks for taking the time to share :blush:

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I would say something about not having F!ROs option is kinda sad. But I can pet Cerberus so who gives a fuck.

10/10, Game Of The Year

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Wow, that is some high praise – thank you!

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wow i love the concept! i cant wait to play this game.

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Wow definitely a big fan of this set up and can’t wait for the potential angst with Ares’ route :eyes:

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Hi everyone! Chapter 5 has now been uploaded to the demo :slightly_smiling_face:

Few bits to note:

Quick content warning for explicit descriptions of sex.
I’ve made some little tweaks throughout as well to make sure world-building is consistent, and have expanded some choices.

Other than that, I just want to say a massive thank you to everyone for all the incredible feedback and support so far! It has been so helpful and encouraging as I continue to write the rest of the story :heart:

Hope you enjoy!

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I really, really enjoyed this. Theron my beloved :heart:

I will go back through and give more specific feedback later, but for now I’ll give more general feedback!

Summary

Although the description says that the romances are slow-ish burn, Theron and Ares’s routes feel a bit fast to me?

For Theron, MC has had 1 conversation with him and they’re already having an interrupted almost-kiss. I did like the scene, and I like you can feel the attraction between MC and Theron, but I think it would be good to get another scene or so before where we can just learn more about him and see the dynamics he can have with different MCs. Or even just make that scene a bit longer?

And it is the same with Ares and Morpheus really. I just feel like I don’t really know either of them. It’s not an issue with Morpheus to me because he and MC are still at odds at this point. But while I did enjoy the drakon scene with Ares, it feels like more interaction is needed. The sex scene was great, though! Very cute. I tend to find these scenes in IF (especially other Heart’s Choice books) awkward to read, but this one was very cute.

The description of Aphrodite does give me pause, if only because I hope that she will have a bigger role and be more developed than just a mean girl, whether you antagonize or befriend her.

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Thank you so much – this was so insightful! Coming from a traditional prose background, pacing in IF has been quite the challenge. I did go back and forth re adding the ‘slowish burn’ tag, as it’s only one possible way to play it, e.g. taking things slow with Ares at the picnic, leaving Theron in that balcony scene, fighting away with Morpheus even when you get in the lake, etc. I have now changed this in the description to hopefully make it a little clearer that it is more of a choice the PC can make :slightly_smiling_face:

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Hello i love this story but can you put some save state🙏

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