On Foxtrot Hill - (WIP)

Will read it again tomorrow ( it’s 3 am here and I need to get some sleep ) to see the changes.

Welcome back @Bjorked

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Aww, thanks! Looking forward to it :wink:

Really like this WIP! :smile:
Only issue I had, as I’m trying to play as myself, I wouldn’t ask Sei to teach me how to shoot. I already know how to shoot. I would just ask to shoot with her. Maybe if the player has the “everything outdoors” hobby, then they could know how to shoot ahead of time? Maybe a bad suggestion, since I don’t really know where you plan on going with the MC. I have wondered why the MC HAS to be an artist, especially since some characters (like Sei, being an LEO) aren’t.

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So glad you liked it! Thanks for taking the time to playtest, we really appreciate the feedback ^^
Actually, that makes a lot of sense, particularly for a direction that @Bjorked and I are teasing for some endings with Sei. About the artist bit, I’m not actually sure, but I think that has to do with the premise and getting to the main area. We did want the character to have a bit of their own personality regardless of player choice, i.e they seem a bit silly/carefree and very much irreverent of writing conventions and tones. However, that might be something to consider/revise. Will let @Bjorked explain better XD

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@Cowboyhooah @thumper

So, about the MC:
I wanted every MC to have at least one thing in common and that way some dialogue always applies. Also, I wasn’t sure how much of the shooting thing to include since it seems like many fans either didn’t like that bit or didn’t even choose that option in the first place.

About the shooting scene, did that feel realistic enough? I’ll be honest here, I’m just applying basic archery practice physics since that’s what I have more experience with… :confused:

That being said, I’m going to change the opening scene some more to include additional occupations, eg. a segment where you can choose to be an artist as a hobby, and maybe have the first hobby set sometime during that scene as well. (Right now, you have to talk to Gabriel to set hobbies)

I also want to change the Sei shooting scene so it’s more competition and less teaching (if you choose that option)

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I did actually really like the shooting scene! It was realistic enough for this type of story/game, I think. Reminded me of The Walking Dead Telltale scene with Clementine. Maybe keep a competitive and teaching scene, since you already have one? Like, if the player did pick outdoorsy as a hobby, then maybe they can choose to be competitive instead, and they can just have some vaguely described firearm experience? About the MC, I get what you mean about wanting them to be similar. Personally, I prefer when I can do my best to make the MC act exactly like I think I would, but it totally depends on the type of story you are trying to write. :slight_smile: Maybe, in the beginning, ask the player what activities at the ranch they are most looking forward to, or how they hope to spend thier time? That could cover most of the hobbies.

Anyhow, keep up the good work! I’ll keep looking out for any advice I could give on how to improve, but that might be hard since it’s already very good!

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Today’s writing achievement has been: update the outline/finalize happenings and events
Tomorrow’s goal: edit chapter one

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Thank-you so much for helping make the game better!

Oh my gosh, I love that game!!! I was trying to make it reminiscent without copying.

I’ll definitely change those things about the opening sequence, and hopefully you’ll see those changes soon! :wink:

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Alrighty people! Long time no see and here’s a changelog!

  1. revamped pitch for the game itself *visible in the original post
  2. minor edits to chapter 0 r.e. occupation and art
  3. major edits to chapter 1
    • general revision
      • new achievements
      • rewriting awkward bits
      • expanding the world for an immersive feeling
        * descriptions of the environment
      • character development
        * new character interactions
        * updated conversations

sorry y’all, no re released chapter one this week because of major revisions and actual writing still taking place for the chapter, but here’s hoping for the next~

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Heyo, everyone! Things are still coming along with chapter one edits! It’s been a long, grueling process with major revisions as well style revision, but we’re hard at work and nearly done! Here’s an updated changelog for this week:

  1. Even further chapter 0 edits

    1. new occupations and more descriptions

    2. style/grammar revision

  2. Chapter 1 edits

    1. expanded descriptions

    2. longer conversations/edits to content

sorry about the long wait, we have been working at this and should have chapter one at long last very soon ^^
another note, what do you guys think about adding music to some kind of station and what would you suggest as a good service for that playlist?

  • Discord
  • Dubtrack
  • Pandora
  • Spotify
  • iheartradio

0 voters

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sweet, will look into getting something like that underway. In the meantime, we’re hard at work with chapter one, so please be patient! went from 4k words there, and aiming for 6k, but we’re going by feeling as well, so it may be shorter or longer depending.

Finished with the changes to chapters 0 and 1 and added to the playtest! :wink:

To celebrate the chapter 0 and 1 re-release, here’s some ideas about working inspirations for endings!

suggestions welcome for those songs you guys would like to share ^^

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Hey guys! We’re in the works for chapter 2 and have a lot of the content in order but we have a ways to go with editing and all. However, we also made the milestone for nursing school, which will likely spell a hiatus, or at least a slowing with the progress. This isn’t a goodbye though, especially to Foxtrot hill! We will work on it as well as we can because this is our baby/project/etcetera. We have lots more plot to share and juicy twists in store, so please bear with the slowness. ^^

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ahah, welps! Been a busy two weeks without a lot of time to stop and free write. However, we’re nearly at an end for chapter 2’s content and about 500 words from the word count plus editing and all that good stuff. Still, here’s hoping we can get ourselves together soonish to get that to you guys ^^

I also hear that one Bjorked person might say something soon. Let’s hope our silent writer will post more often XD

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Hey everyone! I’m still rewriting chapter 2- Nursing school is hard!-
But I hope to have that released soonish. :wink:

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Ok, so chapter 2 is re-released on the play-test! Wheee! :wink:

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So, it’s been a week since the newest chapter in the playtest dropped and we’re really curious about the overall sentiments about the new chapter. Lots of new things, new directions, much more deep/diverse content, right?

  • It was not at all what I expected
  • I liked the new vibe-gimme more!
  • I dunno about all of this-it’s different from before

0 voters

Also, how many routes have you guys discovered yet?

So my MC is a singer and when I get to the part where they sing it says they aren’t singer materiel. I’m guessing that’s a mistake.

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ahah yeah, I think we just forgot to add in that variable ^^; will fix, thanks for pointing that out

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