Removed at request of author.
299 Likes
Kept my interest throughout. 
One thing, though, the MC seemed strangely at ease with finding themselves in a whole new world⌠
Seeing the first few people, the city â I expected a bit more of a reaction there.
I did enjoy it, though, and will keep an eye on this, to be sure. Well written, methinks. 
8 Likes
I really enjoyed playing the demo !
There are lots of characters and interactions, which is something I really like in games, even more so than the story itself most of the time. But in this case, the story seems to be built just as well as the characters ! All I can say is congratulations and I wish you well for the future of your story 
4 Likes
I hope you donât abandon this. I love it so far
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Tbh, I thought it was the opposite for the MC. I thought they were overreacting for certain situations but thatâs just me.
I think the biggest issue with the MC is that theyâre focusing on the wrong problem during a situation. Their priorities isnât set and it doesnât help that all the NPCs are pulling a âYouâll understand when youâre olderâ card. It really makes for a confusing experience and a flip flopping MC.
There were a lot of moments that made me go âYouâre fixated on THAT but letting these characters slide on THIS?â The MC managed to overreact and under react at the same time haha
6 Likes
I feel like if you changed I to you for the description of scenes, it would be more immersive. It feels more like a book to read Instead of stepping into that characterâs perspective.
âI sigh and shake my headâ vs âYou sigh and shake your headâ
Thatâs just my two cents though.
4 Likes
So is the MC a reincarnation or something like that? Or maybe the âwitchâ is our evil twin sister?
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Bring about new world order? Sign me up!
3 Likes
Itâs an interesting story premise, and I think youâve got some really neat ideas so far.
I did find that it felt like you have a certain personality in mind for the MC - so there were interactions where it was very obvious I was reading about a character, and not a protagonist I was creating. I donât personally have anything against playing fixed characters, but if that isnât what youâre going for, it might help to review and remove some of that from the writing.
The switch for Ira felt like too much too soon? I found it weird that he went from so antagonistic and aggressive to offering to help out if I ever needed it. It felt very choppy, like you couldnât quite figure out how to introduce him as a - not exactly enemies to lovers option, but along those lines - while not making him an absolute jerk that everyone would just hate from the word go.
I really liked that you give options for the MC to not just blindly trust or go along with whatâs going on - however, as someone else already mentioned, it did seem like MC chose to get angry or upset about things that shouldnât matter, while kind of just accepting things when there should be options to get angry or scared.
All in all, I look forward to watching where you take your story!
11 Likes
Okay guys, Cierra here as Faye (the writer) is having issues with their internet connection!
@zombiequeenkai Hi! Could you please point out specific locations youâre seeing this? We canât really start to fix issues you have if you donât give us specific examples. Screenshots are also super helpful!
@happenstance2me Again, we need specific examples in text to know what youâre talking about! So please gather some so the areas you see issue in can be looked over! Also, as for Ira, heâs been given orders by A (which Iâm fairly certain has been shown? Itâs been a bit since I last read but I think I remember MC seeing it) to help MC, and itâd be OOC for him to disobey orders in the same sense. If you have suggestions, please say them!
5 Likes
Hey this looks super awesome and promising! Iâm super interested in whatâs going to happen next and the characters are intriguing!
One thing I did notice though was when I was in the kitchens to get food and was asked what a dignitary from Celona(?) was there for, I chose the âfreezeâ option and after Ciaran said it was super top secret, there was no option to move forward, it gave the same choices as before, reasons you were there. I tried a few times but it always circled back until I chose another answer.
1 Like
Could we have single braids and pony tails as an option for hairstyles?
Feels like Re:Zero. Im Sold! More feels incoming!
4 Likes
interesting concept. I like the variety in personalities of NPCs too!
Canât really say more until we get deeper into the story, I think.
2 Likes
Okay - well some places where I felt like the MCâs reaction was a bit off:
Feeling off: World Transition
For instance, when you switch worlds, the options are all fairly lowkey and calm. And I think itâs great to have those options, but I think it would also be helpful to provide a choice where the MC could portray anxiety or panic or even confusion.
Maybe it has since Iâm in the last forest I saw. Or I think I am anyway? Or maybe this is all one giant hallucination or dream? That would almost be preferable to this.
The above lines do give a bit of a nod to why the MC wouldnât be freaking out or afraid, but I think you could flesh this out a bit - itâs obviously going to be personal choice, but for me, I think it would work better to show some kind of confusion or disbelief or something? I feel like itâs missing a sense of WTF-ness, and that could perhaps be addressed by giving more of a sense of how the MC is feeling in that moment. I donât think thatâs a very helpful description, sorry - I might, for instance, describe the MC feeling a wave of dizziness as they stare around with wide eyes, or maybe their pulse picks up as they try to make sense of whatâs going on, or even focus on âhaha, this dream is so funny, i was just here in this forest the other dayâ to sort of emphasize why the MC is being so calm. Or, alternatively, just write in an option where the MC has a moment of anxiety - like, if people choose the âtake offâ option (which I originally chose), maybe write it as more of a panicked flight through the trees, whereas the âstay putâ option could be for people who are reacting more calmly / logically about whatâs going on, and so forth.
I know I mentioned it earlier, but I just want to reiterate that when you meet the first group of people in the forest, I really appreciate that you give choices to not trust them and to be cautious. I also like that the MC can head off into town alone.
Feeling off: First meeting with Ira in town
I chose the ârather notâ option here, and so it felt a bit strange that the MC just sort of - went along with Ira? Same thing with the âno, nopeâ option and the âno, absolutely notâ option.
Thereâs no real struggle or challenge beyond the initial refusal. Thereâs some description of being forced and dragged along, but it left me feeling very passive. I would have enjoyed seeing some kind of resistance here, even if it was the MC just digging their heels in and attempting to pull away, or struggling and yelling.
The most emotion I felt out of the scenario was after choosing a response to the âcatching the witchâ comments:
I huff, losing track of how many turns we go through as time goes on, but eventually, we come across a large gate with walls of stone.
Which - well, to be honest, âhuffâ implies more of a poutiness to me than anger or fear.
I understand that you need to get MC from here to the castle, but it feels like an under-reaction when youâve chosen any of the hard no choices.
As I also mentioned, it feels like you have a set character personality already in mind - I wasnât sure if you also wanted examples of what I mean with this, so I included it just in case.
Set Personality vs Blank Slate MC
Example 1:
I turn to glare at the man. Thereâs no way Iâm staying in a dungeon when I havenât even done anything. Before I can utter a word of protest, Iâm shoved into one of the open cells, scraping my hands and knees even more in the landing.
So here, for instance - the MC is angry and defiant, and reacts in that way, no matter what. The only reactions you offer up for choice are resignation and anger. Thereâs no way to remain calm (I recognize that the âseethe in silent angerâ option is a way to stay calm, but itâs still angry), to be afraid, to be hopeful, etc. And Iâm aware you canât create an option for all of the possible choices because thatâs a ton of work for you to create all of the various feelings - but if you want people to feel like theyâre creating more of a blank slate character, then Iâd suggest here is a good place to provide a few different personality responses.
Example 2:
Why is Alys such a bitch?
Okay, fair enough, I donât have to select this question but as a completionist, I hate skipping any potential bit of story. But I donât think Alys is a bitch at this point? I didnât think she was necessarily a nice person, but by this point, the MC and Alys have only had the single interaction and as a player, I donât feel like thereâs enough to draw that conclusion yet? I think here is another place where you can provide less of a set personality with a slight adjustment - like âwhy was Alys being such a bitchâ or âis Alys always so bitchy to strangers / new peopleâ or something along those lines.
The initial interactions with Minra are great - I think itâs a good range of personality and attitude, and again, I like that you donât have to immediately trust and accept that they have good intentions.
Regarding Ira and his flip-flop, I did get that he was taking you to your room under orders, but the following felt out of place to me:
Ira weirdness
I do get that heâs being the good little knight, and youâve been offered the choice to have someone look out for you, so thatâs where itâs coming from - but it still felt out of place to me. I think, for me, that could be resolved by maybe expanding on the sense of duty or responsibility he feels toward Aidan - even a quick line like âAidan believes you need our help, so you can call on me if anything comes upâ, just to make it really clear where his sense of obligation comes from. I think that it could help to balance the flip from antagonism to assistance and make the transition a bit smoother.
(It does make more sense when you accept his offer to go eat though - I chose the ânoâ option initially because my MC is still suspicious and angry at Ira, and itâs at that point that the offer feels weird.)
I think that the options where you end up being escorted by Aidan, Minra or Ciaran here are great though - I actually especially liked Ciaran, and thought that the different choices really flowed well with him.
So thatâs kind of where my opinion comes from, and sorry it ends up being such a ramble. Even if you donât make use of any of the feedback, I hope itâs helpful in some way! As I said, I think you have a neat story here, and I look forward to following your progress.
14 Likes
i donât mean to be rude but this shares an alarming amount of similarities with lovestrucks vn love and legends to a point where it makes me think you are copying from it
5 Likes
I agree, in addition I hope that Caspian jerk isnât screwing up the mcâs life, such as it was, in the real world in the meantime.
Evil doppelganger more like, and they have magic whereas the mc obviously doesnât and is completely powerless in the new world.
1 Like
I⌠neither Faye nor I read Lovestruck VNs because we find them to be a bore⌠thereâs a lot of âModern MC in Old Worldâ games, fanfics, etc. Immediately assuming someone is copying is a bit harsh 
Games can share similarities and be utterly unrelated; itâs only on itâs second chapter.
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You realize normal person dropping into a mythical world and being mistaken for someone important has been a fanfic trope for decades right? Lovestruck wasnât the first to do it and certainly wonât be the last.
28 Likes
Idk about the lovestruck one, but yeah, itâs hard to be just pure original these day, and Iâm sure lovestruck one is not the first one who come out with this idea. In Fictif for example, there are also a storyline where mc is gone to different world and mistaken by someone else, so yeah⌠
5 Likes