Okay - well some places where I felt like the MC’s reaction was a bit off:
Feeling off: World Transition
For instance, when you switch worlds, the options are all fairly lowkey and calm. And I think it’s great to have those options, but I think it would also be helpful to provide a choice where the MC could portray anxiety or panic or even confusion.
Maybe it has since I’m in the last forest I saw. Or I think I am anyway? Or maybe this is all one giant hallucination or dream? That would almost be preferable to this.
The above lines do give a bit of a nod to why the MC wouldn’t be freaking out or afraid, but I think you could flesh this out a bit - it’s obviously going to be personal choice, but for me, I think it would work better to show some kind of confusion or disbelief or something? I feel like it’s missing a sense of WTF-ness, and that could perhaps be addressed by giving more of a sense of how the MC is feeling in that moment. I don’t think that’s a very helpful description, sorry - I might, for instance, describe the MC feeling a wave of dizziness as they stare around with wide eyes, or maybe their pulse picks up as they try to make sense of what’s going on, or even focus on ‘haha, this dream is so funny, i was just here in this forest the other day’ to sort of emphasize why the MC is being so calm. Or, alternatively, just write in an option where the MC has a moment of anxiety - like, if people choose the “take off” option (which I originally chose), maybe write it as more of a panicked flight through the trees, whereas the “stay put” option could be for people who are reacting more calmly / logically about what’s going on, and so forth.
I know I mentioned it earlier, but I just want to reiterate that when you meet the first group of people in the forest, I really appreciate that you give choices to not trust them and to be cautious. I also like that the MC can head off into town alone.
Feeling off: First meeting with Ira in town
I chose the “rather not” option here, and so it felt a bit strange that the MC just sort of - went along with Ira? Same thing with the “no, nope” option and the “no, absolutely not” option.
There’s no real struggle or challenge beyond the initial refusal. There’s some description of being forced and dragged along, but it left me feeling very passive. I would have enjoyed seeing some kind of resistance here, even if it was the MC just digging their heels in and attempting to pull away, or struggling and yelling.
The most emotion I felt out of the scenario was after choosing a response to the “catching the witch” comments:
I huff, losing track of how many turns we go through as time goes on, but eventually, we come across a large gate with walls of stone.
Which - well, to be honest, “huff” implies more of a poutiness to me than anger or fear.
I understand that you need to get MC from here to the castle, but it feels like an under-reaction when you’ve chosen any of the hard no choices.
As I also mentioned, it feels like you have a set character personality already in mind - I wasn’t sure if you also wanted examples of what I mean with this, so I included it just in case.
Set Personality vs Blank Slate MC
I turn to glare at the man. There’s no way I’m staying in a dungeon when I haven’t even done anything. Before I can utter a word of protest, I’m shoved into one of the open cells, scraping my hands and knees even more in the landing.
So here, for instance - the MC is angry and defiant, and reacts in that way, no matter what. The only reactions you offer up for choice are resignation and anger. There’s no way to remain calm (I recognize that the “seethe in silent anger” option is a way to stay calm, but it’s still angry), to be afraid, to be hopeful, etc. And I’m aware you can’t create an option for all of the possible choices because that’s a ton of work for you to create all of the various feelings - but if you want people to feel like they’re creating more of a blank slate character, then I’d suggest here is a good place to provide a few different personality responses.
Why is Alys such a bitch?
Okay, fair enough, I don’t have to select this question but as a completionist, I hate skipping any potential bit of story. But I don’t think Alys is a bitch at this point? I didn’t think she was necessarily a nice person, but by this point, the MC and Alys have only had the single interaction and as a player, I don’t feel like there’s enough to draw that conclusion yet? I think here is another place where you can provide less of a set personality with a slight adjustment - like “why was Alys being such a bitch” or “is Alys always so bitchy to strangers / new people” or something along those lines.
The initial interactions with Minra are great - I think it’s a good range of personality and attitude, and again, I like that you don’t have to immediately trust and accept that they have good intentions.
Regarding Ira and his flip-flop, I did get that he was taking you to your room under orders, but the following felt out of place to me:
I do get that he’s being the good little knight, and you’ve been offered the choice to have someone look out for you, so that’s where it’s coming from - but it still felt out of place to me. I think, for me, that could be resolved by maybe expanding on the sense of duty or responsibility he feels toward Aidan - even a quick line like “Aidan believes you need our help, so you can call on me if anything comes up”, just to make it really clear where his sense of obligation comes from. I think that it could help to balance the flip from antagonism to assistance and make the transition a bit smoother.
(It does make more sense when you accept his offer to go eat though - I chose the “no” option initially because my MC is still suspicious and angry at Ira, and it’s at that point that the offer feels weird.)
I think that the options where you end up being escorted by Aidan, Minra or Ciaran here are great though - I actually especially liked Ciaran, and thought that the different choices really flowed well with him.
So that’s kind of where my opinion comes from, and sorry it ends up being such a ramble. Even if you don’t make use of any of the feedback, I hope it’s helpful in some way! As I said, I think you have a neat story here, and I look forward to following your progress.