I mean, the whole Isekai genre is built upon that. Nothing wrong with it.
So yeah, hard not to see why people may confuse stuffs like that. Why a Lovestuck VN comes in the discussion though, I have no idea.
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Oh god isekai⌠Do you know how many mahnwa out there that have a plot about isekai?? 
But again, if it was the same begining plot, iâm sure the story will goes different way. Between that fictif and this story, it still take different path, and Iâm sure it was nothing alike.
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I donât know and I donât want to know 
Yeah, itâs probably going to be like KonoShuba and Re:Zero; similar beginnings but vastly different tones and stories.
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The customizability for our characterâs appearance is insane! I like that we could really get into the details of it.
Some pages of text were much longer than others â the prologue pages were spaced quite well, but it was kinda jarring to be met with blocks of text 2, 3 times as long in the Braelin scenes.
A couple examples:
- After you decide whether you want to stay and talk or not (I chose to stay and talk, albeit a little warily)
- The page right after you ask all the questions and head into town
Others were borderline long, but these two were the gawkiest.
I would break up those into smaller chunks (halve them maybe?).
I do agree with Happenstance. At certain points I felt railroaded into decisions (e.g. my character probably would not have decided to walk alone to town. she would also not have accepted her âfateâ of sorts as a prisoner/fake dignitary without being more insistent about returning home.).
The potential in this story (plus the replayability from all the branching!) is too great to allow these things be an impediment! 
I look forward to seeing how you guys take the forumâs suggestions into account.
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Omg! I need more of Ozias now 
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@Eyesofshadow That should be fixed now!
@happenstance2me @violet Iâll add in extra options/fixes for the issues you mentioned in the next update!
Iâm glad everyone is enjoying the game so far. ^^
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Oh gosh, I feel like Iâm being dragged out of my gremlin cave into the sunlight seeing that I was pinged twice on this post lmao. But yâall want proper criticism from me, eh? I was thinking of just leaving the comment at that since this story wasnât my cup of tea but I might as well now.
Firstly, just to get a disclaimer out of the way: this is all my personal opinion, so maybe take it with a grain of salt. Not saying/implying anything to against the writer and Iâm not trying to start a fight or anything; just a discussion. Yada yada yada, now to what I want to say.
If I were to point out specific examples or screenshots, I would awkwardly gesture to the entire demo and end up making this post the worldâs longest comment. Playing this MC made me feel like I was a lizardman trying to integrate into human society using superficial knowledge I learned from watching humanâs interactions. At some points, it feels like weâre given a chance to input a personality for the MC while more often than not, weâre railroaded into a certain persona. If I have to think of the smallest instance of back and forth like that was when the MC was giving Araâs pastry. Weâre given options on how we passed it which can say a lot about a character. For me, I was trying to play a more âplayfulâ MC, so I choose the toss option. Then it immediately Ara overreacted about it and MC submits with a snap. Personally, I think there should have been an option for the MC to either double down on the action, apologize or âapologizeâ to pacify Ara. Unless this action was implying that the MC was hurling the pastry from across the room, not many people would complain about a friend doing an underhand toss.
Now thatâs just a small example. I would give more such as almost all the interactions in town but Iâm on a bit of a tight schedule since I got online classes. Anywho, over and underreactions. The main point. of my initial comment. I believe the main reason why it feels like this because the MC is flip-flopping between canvass and set personality and that the MCâs priorities are not set correctly in each circumstance. @happenstance2me did a good job in covering the flip-flopping so I wonât go over any more than I did. But the priorities are an issue. Immediately, right from the get-go where the MC interacts with Alys and company, it was w.e.i.r.d. Actually, the entire transportation thing was weird.
Let me establish that I am attempting to play as a nonchalant and calm MC, so this is my point of view for it. The confusion and wondering if it was a dream? Yeah⌠thatâs considered an overreaction for me. That seems like a reaction that should be playing for MCâs that are panicked and freaking out imo. A more calm MC would be like âIt doesnât matter if itâs a dream. This is reality and now I gotta adjust to it.â Which leads to the awkward interaction with Alys and that group. Instead of asking how to get out of the forest, I think the MC should be asking more information such as what is this world, where are we, knowledge about the nearby town, how to go back home, etc. I do think getting out of the forest is a good question but should be saved last or at least establish an MC who wouldnât want to expose their true origin.With the group claiming that MC could help with freeing their leader, the MC would have latched on to that more and not accept answers âOnly you can save themâ. Actually- that was a big issue. The MC happily accepts half-assed answers from NPCs going âYouâll find out more later in the next episodeâ. Fuck that, what kind of doormat human does that? MC is like a toddler in these moments imo. Drove me i.n.s.a.n.e.
Then the final neat little bow of that bizarre interaction was the group letting the MC go on their merry way to town and vaguely going âUm⌠weâll find you again, somehow? Weâll figure it out.â Worldâs most incompetent cult tbh. Hard to believe that theyâre causing issues if theyâre this useless.
This type of interaction is common everywhere in this demo with the MC going "HEY!? >:( " to âOh, that makes sense :)â when it doesnât make sense since the NPCs are treating the MC like theyâre a smooth brain.
A glaring issue is that the demo doesnât feel properly paced. At all. The beginning was fine with a snapshot of the MCâs life then âruh-ohâ being sent to another world. It was at this point everything felt like a âAnd then THIS HAPPEN and then THAT HAPPEN and then SOMETHING ELSE HAPPEN.â Just one after the other where the MC is pretty much dragged along like a rag doll. Kinda reminds me of Shadow Society since the MC there was dragged to many locations all willy nilly and never was really explained anything until the very end. I can kinda excuse that work with the pretense that the group was being chased. But in this demo, MC isnât being chased and doesnât need to be rushed to meet as many NPCs as possible.
That strange place with the doors? Could have been expanded on and allowed the MC to take a breath and really analyzed the place. Meeting Alysâs group? The demo should have focused on them IMO. Iâm assuming theyâre the cult members right? So they should be doing what cults do best: integrating a new person to join them. Which should not be hard at all. MC is a person all alone in a strange world. Emotionally, that is scary and an MC could latch on to them. Ethically, if they offer their help, an MC could latch on to them. Logically, MC doesnât have any place to go and doesnât have any money, so an MC can latch on to them for the time being. It just makes sense for the MC to interact with their group even more without needed to bring up helping their leader. Tbh, they should have waited until after they helped MC out and went âhey buddy. I need a favor.â Then from there, you can have the MC go out to explore the town without the groupâs knowledge, thinking everything is hunky-dory then uh oh! Goes to jail. Then all the events go on and MC finds out about their true nature and given the ultimatum to side with the cult or the kingdom. Boom. End of demo with a cliffhanger.
I do think the writer could benefit greatly in having an editor, a second writer, and more beta readers (who arenât friends). The demo feels largely unpolished and rough. Which isnât bad!!! Itâs expected from a demo and itâs shouldnât be expected to be perfect from the start. But I feel like the author can benefit greatly in having help.
Minor things I didnât get to add but I wanted to: The MC never bothering to ask Ciaran where he was taking the MC? I got a migraine from how stupid the MC was for never asking where he was taking her. And when Ciaran rubbed it in, I actually raged quit from the story since it was so stupid. Also, when there was a WWYFF where Ira, Ciaran, and that other person went âOh, pick who you want to watch over you.â Ffff, what? Itâs like an otome game- who does that with an ex-prisioner? Sure MC points it out but shouldnât have been brought up to begin with.
And⌠thatâs all. Iâm sure thereâs way more but I really gotta go do my online work and Iâm most likely not going to respond to any comments on this unless itâs really necessary for my input. 
26 Likes
i say copying not only because the plot has heavy similarities but because a scene s(specifically the one with the person leading you out of the cell and you think they are letting you go but they bring you to their boss) is lifted straight from love and legend
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We actually have a friend who has played and sees nothing of the similarities you do beyond whatâs on the surface? So⌠She said that youâre basically a witch you look like but lost your memories in the plot for that game, but thatâs not whatâs happening in Nelroche, but what is actually happening wonât be known till later. You can ask @emiiyaa , who is the friend whoâs played that game.
If you want to insist, go ahead, but go somewhere else to do it, please. Sitting in a thread insisting an author is a thief mainly because of some similarities at the start is incredibly rude. By your own standards, thatâd make anyone with a detective-esque story with a team who are possible ROs in a supernatural world on CoG a thief from SeraphiniteGames⌠which is simply not true.
Lovestruck did not invent âModern MC in an old world who is a lookalike and is thusly imprisoned for a brief timeâ, they took it from others who did because it is an incredibly common trope in otomes, some YA fiction, and even anime. 
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@secretwarlock, @Cierra_Lawson_Writes, @acegoats â The moderation team and staff are reviewing everything that has been happening for the past few days.
Expect to hear from us, soon.
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The moderation team has reviewed the allegations made concerning plagiarism, and we have alerted HG staff about the situation.
As of this post: I ask that you stay clear of this issue. If there are questions or concerns you are free to contact a moderator, but there are to be no further posts regarding plagiarism in this thread.
If you see any posts regarding this issue, please flag them.
Writing such a post is grounds for moderation and at a minimum, you will be suspended.
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I love all the stories youâve written so far and isekai if done right(which I have no doubt you would do it right) can be amazing so Iâm excited to see where the story goes 
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How do you guys keep making all this awesome stuff!?
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Hiya! Youâve already gotten some thoughts on story/pacing/interactions, so I have a few stylistic notes; naturally, as with any other feedback, youâre welcome to ignore it! Itâs just some personal grammatical, structural-type feedback, but I know that peopleâs styles donât always mesh.
Iâve placed it below the cut because itâs a little long, and Iâve included some example quotes:
Woo!
When reading in first person, I (personally) find it helpful to have an abundance of punctuation, be it em or en dashes, ellipses, parenthesis, whatever else; it makes the words feel a little more natural, like theyâre actually coming from inside my head and Iâm actively thinking them over.
Semi-colons are particularly great for that, especially when you find multiple relatively simple sentences hanging out next to each other. I think at some points, where the content of the writing implies a calm/relaxed tone, the shortness/abruptness of the sentences works against you to achieve the opposite. Adding some punctuation of the semi-colon or em-dash variety might help out!
On a similar note, there are places where removing filler words would make the flow much more organic, as well. Donât get me wrong, Iâm the queen of filler words! But they often serve to weigh down content.
An example: âTo think that my dearest friend would accuse me of such blasphemy!â
If you remove âthat,â you get a much quippier/true-to-life sort of feeling from the same sentence: âTo think my dearest friend would accuse me of such blasphemy!â or âTo think, my dearest friend would accuse me of such blasphemy!â
Another thing I noticed is some duplicate words a little too close together; take, for example, the second sentence on page one: âItâs tiring to go there again and again when thereâs nothing to look forward to there.â
The last âthereâ feel a little awkward. Is it grammatically correct to end a sentence with a hanging preposition? No, itâs notâbut it is reflective of how people tend to think and speak, and gives a more organic read.
Another example: "I hide my smile behind my hand, trying to minimize the damage.
Trying to blow a lock of hair out of her face and failing, she resorts to pushing it out of her face."
The word âtryingâ occurs twice in a pretty short time frame.
Another example: âAs much as Iâd love to stay, Iâd rather not get caught in the rush.â I give a half shrug, knowing I should leave before I get caught in it."
The phrase âcaught inâ occurs twice in short repetition.
There are similar little duplicate things throughout; if thatâs the style you prefer, no harm no foul!
Iâm guilty of writing duplicate phrasing, myself.
But if you find yourself wanting to change/elevate the tone a bit, little edits like that can make a big difference.
8 Likes
Whatâs the relation of Ara to the PC?
Ara is MCâs roommate and close friend! Sheâs been around since the two of them were children.
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Ah⌠So someone whoâd miss them if they just spontaneously went to another dimension
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âIâŚâ he trails off, unable to meet my eyes. His lips part in surprise and he seems unable to form words for a long moment. " I beg your pardon? "
Youâre forgiven for being so fine 
WoWâŚ
Small error after you go through the stained door where there is a slash instead of a full stop, canât get the picture because it says I canât embed media into the post
Liking the story so far though, but I would actually prefer to stay in the cell than live next to Ione