N.O.A.H's Ark WiP (Ch2 Updated 12/2/2017)

[Aviator467]

In a post-apocalyptic world humans are beginning to die out. With the increased deformities at birth and the Elders dying at earlier ages, it’s up to you to uncover lost history, what’s causing the sickness and how you can fix it!

NOAH’s Ark is my first attempt at a choice script game, I’m really testing myself as to what I can do and I’m super nervous about posting it for others to try. Currently I have the first two chapters complete and it sits right above 30k words. I’m not too sure how long it will be (I have the whole story planned out), but I don’t think you’ll be disappointed with its length.

It took me a few weeks to get this far, so I have no idea how far and few updates will be. This story will be completed, as it’s the only thing i’m working on right now. NOAH’s Ark will be heavily story driven with combat and romance sprinkled in.

CH2 is up! let me know what you think

What NOAH’s Ark brings:

Play as male/female
Play as Straight/Bi/Gay
6 RO’s (2 currently) with a mixture of straight/gay/bi
The story changes depending on how you play
Fights that give you a wide array of choices on how you want to proceed (3 current)

Blah blah who cares, here’s the demo

https://dashingdon.com/play/aviator467/second-chance-wip/mygame/index.php?cb=18882

Let me know if you like it or have any comments!

Update 11/4/2017:
Multiple spelling and grammar fixes
Changed a fight scene
Added Orphanage scene
Fixed small coding issue
Changed WiP name to NOAH’s Ark (Don’t worry the story is not religious, the name is symbolic and will be further explained later in the story!)

Update 12/2/2017
Chapter 2
Redesigned the stat screen to look more appealing
New stat “health” … if you mess up too much you can now die!
Introduced new “party” system
tripled the word count
first romantic encounter with RO’s
various small changes

[CultOfCthulhu]

Where is the location based off of? What are defenders and long legs like? would they be considered tribal if we were basing this off of fallout?

Other wise great game i very much enjoy it

[lokidemon007]

Nice work so far. Looking forward to more!

[Umbreonpanda]

I got attached to Aego really quickly even after what they have done to my MC…

[Vattena]

@Aviator467
These are what I found (sorry if I too nitpicky )

Summary

Should be "Elders since that a name

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accidentally

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I think that should be “Direct hit.”

“…exactly normal. Severely wouded, the…”

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your

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achieving

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There part where mc talk to Ro and those twin (I forgot their name ) that a bit throw me off, like for example;

After mc question Ro it’s always get back here, it’s a bit off to me. (Sorry if my explanation hard to understand )

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weren’t

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believe

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Now that aside, in my opinion this kinda rushed (especially the beginning), while mc may close to the twins, we barely know them, Aego death also a bit too sudden imo.

Other than that I like the story, will look forward to search more about this “Former” and getting know about mc parents

[Aviator467]

@CultOfCthulhu In my opinion the real world location isn’t as important because after an implied nuclear fallout the world will have changed and the MC will not know, nor care where they are. I do have in my mind however, the setting taking place around present day US State North Carolina. This again isn’t too important however, so if you want it to take place in Spain or somewhere it won’t be a problem. I’m trusting the reader to fill in details like these.

Long Legs are whitetail deer that have been mutated and look like they’ve taken buckets of steroids and act like they’re perpetually on meth.

Defenders are another name for guardsman but generally reserved for the “elite”

Yes. I very much have a tribal feel in mind but fallout is not what i based this off of. Glad you enjoyed it ill keep working on it and post updates.

@lokidemon007 Thanks! I’ll be sure to keep working at it, I have some fun things planned.

@Umbreonpanda I liked writing him as a character but found it hard to keep him alive for the sake of the story. His death was meant to be sudden and shocking, as it was delivered in one line, but I can go back and work that out if i have to.

@Vattena Thanks so much, no you’re not being too picky this is the kind of feedback i posted for! I’ll be sure to go through these and make a small update probably tomorrow.

I agree with you the intro has a rushed feeling, but it is a flashback. I actually had to go back in flesh it out more because it was even worse than it is now lol. I’m thinking about adding another orphanage scene, thoughts? Ageo’s death was intentionally abrupt to kind of portray the suddenness of it, also implying the MC did not now much about it. That being said i dont think it would be too hard to add a scene or two regarding it.

And thanks The former and your “parents” play a huge part in the story (they basically are the story tbh) so you’ll like what I have planned next

[AAO]

That moment when you got super hyped because you thought that Wraith was back in business and re-opening the WiP, only to realize it’s just a different game with the same name.

Well then, I’ll just see myself out.

[bbymorphine]

Oh my god.

You gave me the biggest fright ever. I so thought this WiP was Second Chances man, had me squealing and everything.

Though you definitely succeeded in getting my attention! I’ll have to give this a look over when I have some free time.

[ParrotWatcher]

You were practically drug to your new “home” by one of the Elder Councilmen.

Should be “dragged”.

You turned back towards Emrys, whom looked like she was expecting a reply and…

Would it be possible to have a silent nod (or similar) as a reply here? Something accepting, but shyer than the first options? (Also, that should be “who”.)

Saw a good sized puddle of water, and knew that carried electricity even better than copper.

Uh… no it doesn’t? Copper is literally millions of times more conductive than water… (Water is conductive enough to be dangerous in certain circumstances; this doesn’t mean it’s very conductive, though.)

You continue hunting with your modified former tech but in your free time you

• Took trade routes to other settlements. You became quite good at talking to the other merchants and getting what you wanted.
• Joined the guard and became a defender. Outside the occasional pack of wild dogs, your job was relatively quiet.
• Joined the Hunter’s Guild. You were widely regarded as one of Copper Bay’s best shot before long.
• Continued looking at that disc as well as other Former tech. You kept convincing Ro to try and let you figure out the mystery behind them…

Have you heard of the four point trap? Basically, the idea is that the game will force you to pick only choices that fit your stats (either by making “wrong” choices fail horribly, or, as here, by not letting the player pick those options at all), which effectively means that there’s no actual roleplaying. After all, if there’s only one option, why make it a choice? Now, from the code, I see that it’s easily possible to get two of these options, and choosing one will increase other stats as well, so this is far better than many I’ve seen. Still, it’s something to keep in mind.

Visiting Amiran, his entire introduction section is repeated after each question; the *label should come just before the choice, maybe with a “Next you ask” added in. (Actually, I see that this is the case for the entire “visit” section.)

Also, if I’ve just seen Amiran, why would I ask Emrys how he is (especially since she’s just said she hasn’t seen him in a week)?

More generally, I note that you do slip between past and present tenses quite a bit (don’t worry; it’s an easy mistake to make), so you should probably be on the lookout for that.

@Aviator467

6 RO’s (2 currently) with a mixture of straight/gay/bi

When you say “a mixture of gay/straight/bi”, is that a fair distribution? i.e. three male ROs, one gay, one bi, and one straight? And presumably Amiran and his sister are the bi options? (You may think these are stupid questions, but trust me, they’re not. )

Anyway, it looks like an interesting start. Good luck with the game.

[Harley_Robin_Evans]

It’s good can’t wait for more

[Aviator467]

@AAO So sorry to scare you like that! I did not know another game with this name existed, and I decided to change mine instead. A few people thought like you did, so the other Second Chance must be really good! Obviously, I don’t want to confuse people so I changed mine’s name.

@bbymorphine Sorry to scare you like that! I just now realized there was another game with the same title, so i decided to change mine. Hope you give it a read sometime and let me know what you think!

@ParrotWatcher Thanks for the checks there. And upon reviewing the code I can’t seem to find the choice you’re talking about… It’s almost as if the author realized how stupid he was and changed it…
Also yes there will be 1 straight female RO, 1 Gay female RO, One Bi female Ro (Emrys), 1 straight male RO, 1 gay make RO, and 1 Bi male RO (Amiran). Glad you like it so far!

[Umbreonpanda]

tbh, after the title change, I was confused if I played this before. I’m glad that you added more scene for the Orphanage.

[PhilosoTor]

Just a heads up on the stat screen gender it says famale instead of female.
This reminds me of Horizon: Zero Dawn a bit. I wonder if you have played the game? Anyway, it looks very interesting and can’t wait to see where you go with the story.

[Aviator467]

@PhilosoTor thanks for the catch! And i loved that game

[ParrotWatcher]

@Aviator467

1 straight male RO, 1 gay make RO

Also, don’t make the straight guy awesome and the gay guy a jerk…

[Umbreonpanda]

@ParrotWatcher

1 straight male RO, 1 gay make RO,

Wait… which male RO is this?

[Aviator467]

Don’t worry, I have a cool idea for a gay RO whose not a jerk. That being said every RO has some kind of issue to give them personality and can be fixed/worked around to help with the relationship. Some are more obvious than others, while some can be figured out later in the relationship.

[Aviator467]

Hey guy, I have a question and want yalls opinion. I’m working on chapter 2 and when I finish should I go ahead and post it or save it and post 2+3 together and make y’all wait a little longer?

[Vattena]

I have no problem if you post just chapter 2 or chapter 2 and 3, so post whatever that suit you the best

[Brian_Santa_Maria]

I like the demo can’t wait for the full game it has a different vibe then other stories I played enjoyed it alot