The game will be a relative short survival game. You and a player chosen NPC end on a tropical island. What can you do to survive?
I hope you enjoy it.
This is my first game, and it is more a test of nearly everything. I want to get used to choice script and test some concepts I´ve been thinking to use in other games. As you can see above, at the moment there is not much to see or read, but I want to test if involving the board right from the beginning is something that will be useful for me, or if I get distracted by the ideas of the readers.
In the game you can choose your gender, name and how you look. There are only two romancing options which are playersexual and the gender could be chosen. One will be a bold type the other one rather submissive. I like romance and relationships so there is much to be tested in this part to. Hope no one is angerede because there are only two and you have to chose one before the prologue ends.
It is to minimize the workload, so I hope you understand.
In the creation progress there will be polls where you can vote for things you want to see or explore. English is not my native language so I would be more than happy, if you show me mistakes or things that might sound weird.
I would also like people help me with the inclusion of the gay romances or the non-binary gender, as I´m not that used to writing about these themes.
On the ship you realize that there ist a pair of terrorists on the ship, I´m not sure, if and to what extend I should inform the players that in the setting terroristical acts happen on a nearly everyday basis.
So you discover part of their plan, but get discovered so you have got to flee, this is the way you land on the island, the ship explodes not long after you fled with the chosen survival partner
While on the Island the main goal is to survive, gaining materials building things and so on
After several weeks you discover, that you two aren´t the only survivors of the ship, it may end in catching the surviving terrorist, but I´m not so sure about that part^^.
I will change the handy to mobile phone, didn´t remember that handy was a german thing not universal^^
Oh I hope you will like my relationship model, I want to try it, it contains not only relationship and love, I´m gonna try using mood, to influence the relationship. While talking to your partner you only gain and loose mood, which will make the influence of talking option less relevant, but what you do, or not do, will relate directly to the relationship. So I want prevent, that someone hates you just because you don´t have the same opinion.
Gay romances and non-binary gender? Well, i can certainly help with that.
Gay relationships… Are functionally identical to straight relationships. That’s it. Your sexuality says as much about you as the color of your skin(maybe less, to be honest)… Sure, maybe we have statistical tendencies, but we can’t judge individual people based on that alone. Same thing with gender. Society and people around you will surely treat you differently based on all those things, but none of them by themselves make you a different person besides what they are actually defining you by.
But about non-binary specifically, i suspect you want to know how should you treat a non-binary player? I am non-binary myself, so i feel qualified to give suggestions… Being a short survival game, i don’t think your gender will matter that much, and even if your body does, you can have an appearance meter for the player with that… You could ask the player outright if their appearance is more feminine, more masculine, or androgynous, then have NPCs judge them on that basis, if you need that. Besides that, i think my motto is that i think of myself and everyone else as persons first, and every physical characteristic after, IF i need to.
I think if you are aware of these details, you can’t mess up. But who knows, maybe i forgot something or didn’t elaborate much… If left you with any question, feel free to ask ‘u’
About how long do you think it will take you to finish up and upload prologue.
Also if you could when you start describing the RO try to go really deep into detail, like the size of breast/butt/muscle size, describe their body build (healthy, athletic, fat, and muscular). Also describe their body type (hourglass, downward
triangle/apple, rectangular/bannana/straight, upward triangle/pear/spoon/bell.
My finale question is are we going to be able to customize and name RO’s or are you just going to make a set design. I really hope you will let us chose what RO’s looks like with as much customization as possible.
Sorry for the long message, but being how this is focused on romance and survival I wanted to get an idea where you are going with overall caracter customization and RO design/custmization.
Really love the game so far and greatly interested in seeing where you take this game!
Okay, now that i had time to play it… I think you need to put the “.” at the end of the choices… It just feel so wrong when most of the don’t have it @_@
(the “tickets, please” also needs one of those)
@Drago303: Thats wonderful, I apreciate your help. I planned to do so, basing the romances more on personal traits than on gender. I just don´t want to make people feel awkward or uncomfortable, so call me out on things that are odd.
Thanks for pointing out the points^^ I simply didn´t see, I was missing them.
@Tylar11021 whew I never thought someone would like this, I think I will simply ask if the players want the characters on default or customize them. I will include several features and add other in case they are needed. The game won´t be too explicit so I think not all the features you mentioned would be needed but we will see^^ I don´t like making decisions which are never ever mentioned again, so I will add, what I need for my descriptions.
Thanks for your interest, I think the next update wil have to wait til the weekend. I don´t have a late shift this week left. And i usually write then, because no one is at home^^
Sorry for the delay, got some pretty hectic weeks, will post an small update in the next days.
Edit: Ok no small update ^^, I´m actually rewriting the beginnig, to make it more grim and dark, due to the later coming storyline with the terrorists, and hopefully get a better immersion with your character.
So put up a update, it is not complete, but I wanted to ask a question first. Do you think the choices are ok, or are there to many. I personally like more choices, because it maximizes the chance that there is one, I like. But I am not that sure, if other people think the same way.
Just read the demo. A lot of the choices are incomplete and it is really short, so I haven’t been able to form an opinion yet. I like the premise, and even though survival games are not my thing, this could be pretty great.
You also mentioned that we’ll be choosing the RO before the prologue ends, so I’m guessing we’re still in the prologue? The lack of romance options could be a little off-putting, but I understand your reasons. I hope we get a good grasp of the characters of both of the ROs before we have to choose. Also, is romance a necessary aspect? Could I choose to not have a romance at all or abstain from choosing either of them?
Anyways, here are some errors and some things that struck me as weird:
I’ve noticed that you use the acute accent symbol as an apostrophe, which, makes words like “Peter’s” look like “Peterś” in the demo. I found a couple of them, but there are may have been more.
It´s a nice warm day,
It’s
You´ve been in the relationship for three years,
You’ve
You take a look at your clock, the cab should be there every moment.
Its should be …the cab should be there any moment.
You grab the old windproof lighter, your grandpa gave you, when you where a child.
Should be were.
Also, it seems a little strange to me that anyone would give their grandchild a lighter. Such things are usually kept away from children, because they can be hazardous and children really have no use of them.
A bed a chair and desk and two armchairs next to a flat TV on the wall.
There should be commas. A bed, a chair, and a desk and two armchairs next to a flat TV on the wall.
You even see a porthole, which lets you look an the railing and the sea.
at
…the hectic of getting here seems to fade away and you feel exited.
Hectic is an adjective. You can say “getting here was hectic”, but “the hectic of getting here” is wrong. It should be “the hecticness of getting here…”
Also, exited should be excited.
You scan over the ships map, several differently themed restaurants, shops and areas.
ship’s
My personal opinion is that there could never be ‘too many’ choices in a game based on choices. The more the merrier, I’d say. But more choices also mean more writing, otherwise they seem useless and just there for the sake of being there, so it is ultimately up to you as the writer.
Thank you very much for your detailed help, as a foreign writer your description of the mistakes is really good to learn from.
Now on to your questions:
The prologue will last until you leave the ship.
The romance is not forced, if you would like to skip it, you can keep it just friendly. I already have several ideas of pure friendship scenes, and evolving the friendship with the survival Partner. Choosing no Partner won’t be possibility, but since romance is not forced, I hope people are okay with this. You will also be able to Control when you start to Flirt, If you like and the pace of the relationship.
“The love cruise- find your soulmate and start your dream.”
*fake_choice
This choice and its options is really fun and creative. You’re doing a good job creating interesting choices compared to a lot of other WIPs.
You should prioritize working to improve your grammar. The punctuation is the most annoying.
Hmmm… i am curious on the manner of how MC and surviving partner escape the ship ? So the MC notice there are terrorists , the first thing in his/her mind is to inform the partner because the partner is already rooted in the mind of MC… that is a logical start for either a friendship or romance
If the MC doesn’t perform any flirt with the partner but display a genuine care or concern … will there be possibility to start a romance as well ?
It will be more the other way round, the RO you choose will save you and so you end on the Island.
I´m not quite sure until now, I think I will make a poll to vote for this, when the time comes. You will definetly get the chance to start the romance when you like. If you like to get friendship first and then start the romance, that won´t be a problem. You can also change the pace in which you want to procede in the relationship
That make perfect sense for my case… because i don’t know how to swim, hence if we need to abandon ship, most likely the partner need to save me from drowning :-)
I would think if MC happens to meet someone he/she is attracted on the ship, it will only be natural if they start as “friend”, it is possible for MC to be flirty , but i think the partner may find such approach as a nuisance ? :-) ?
?